The Best A. Whitney Brown Quotes

A. Whitney Brown: And that, my friends, is a small part of the mighty mural of life, that makes up when taken as a whole, the vast panorama of history that is, when viewed from a distance, standing way back, squinting your eyes, the rich tapestry of human experience that forms, from far, far away, the vague outline that has come to be known... as el Photo Grande. The Big Picture.

A. Whitney Brown: The network censors seem to think we're going to offend our audience by speaking to them as if they were adults. But over the past twelve years anyone who is capable of being offended has learned not to watch Saturday Night Live. We... we have widdled our viewers down to a jaded, thick-skinned group of thrillseekers.
[audience cheers]

William: [at a Star Trek convention] You know, before I answer any more questions there's something I wanted to say. Having received all your letters over the years, and I've spoken to many of you, and some of you have traveled... y'know... hundreds of miles to be here, I'd just like to say... get a life, will you people? I mean, for crying out loud, it's just a TV show! I mean, look at you, look at the way you're dressed! You've turned an enjoyable little job, that I did as a lark for a few years, into a colossal waste of time! I - I mean, how old are you people? What have you done with yourselves?
[pointing to a man wearing Spock ears]
William: You, you must be almost 30. Have you ever kissed a girl?
[the man hangs his head in shame]
William: I didn't think so. There's a whole world out there. When I was your age, I didn't watch television, I lived. So move out of your parents' basements, and get your own apartments, and grow the hell up! I mean it's just a TV show, damn it. It's just a TV show!
Charlie: Are - are you saying then we should pay more attention to the movies?
William: No! That's not what I'm saying at all! Hey, you guys are the lamest bunch of - I've never seen - I can't believe these people - I mean, I really can't understand what's...
[Shatner walks off stage and argues with the emcee. They start to shove each other]
Second: Uh... that was William Shatner, ladies and gentlemen. Uh, I'd like to remind you Trekkers that we have some fine refreshments from all over the galaxy... Coke, Diet Coke, Bubble Up, Orange, I believe. We...
William: [the emcee waves the contract in front of Shatner who comes back on stage]
William: Of course that speech was a recreation of the Evil Captain Kirk from episode - um -
[emcee whispers]
William: 37. Uh... the name -
[emcee whispers again]
William: "The Enemy Within".
[the crowd applauds]
William: Yeah, yeah, yeah. So thank you and - and Live long and prosperous. So everybody, set your phasers on stun 'cause this convention's ahead warp factor 9. Y'know? Right! All right. Warp factor 9.

A. Whitney Brown: Now there were eleven inaugural balls. Now, some people would say that's a little excessive. But, you know, it takes a lot of balls to throw a 30 million dollar celebration before you've even done anything.

Woman standing in line: How long will it be before a table opens up?
Doorman: Oh, two or three days. I suggest you try The Limelight, The Tunnel or Nell's.
Woman standing in line: I am Nell!
Doorman: I don't care who you are, the Teeny Café is packed!