The Best Anton Tobias Quotes

Anton: [while attempting to cut his hand off] This is it, I know it.
Pnub: Those things won't even cut my bagel.

Anton: You lied to me!
Mick: You killed me, let's try to keep this thing in perspective here!

Anton: [after cutting his hand off] Where did it go?
Pnub: What, you mean the hand?
Anton: Of course I mean the hand!
Pnub: Try looking up your ass.

Anton: Who's your daddy now, bitch, huh? Who's your fucking daddy now?

Anton: So, what are you guys doing here?
Pnub: We need a place to kick it. Don't be selfish, Anton! No one else's parents are dead!

Anton: All I do is sit around all day, smoke pot, watch TV...
Mick: No, no! No Kevin Costner speech, let's just go!

Anton: We're gathered here today... um... because you're all dead.

Pnub: Don't you watch the news?
Anton: I hate that fucking show.

[Anton is about to chop off his 'evil' right hand]
Mick: Wait a minute. If you chop off your right hand, how are you going to chop the other one off?
Anton: Oh no, man, the lefty's a keeper. I mean, I guess it wasn't idle enough.
Mick: Really?
Anton: Oh yeah, I mean, I hit the remote with it, light up with it, relieve a little tension. No, this is the answer.

Anton: Everybody go home, there's a psycho killer here! I cut off my hand, and now it's gonna kill you all!

Anton: [Hears moaning coming from Mick's grave] Mick?
Mick: Over here. Anton, help me. Come on, man, I can't breathe down here. Anton? Anton, can you hear me?
Anton: [Kneels and leans over Mick's grave] Mick?
Mick: Yeah man, it's Mick.
Anton: You're dead!
Mick: No I'm not! You conked me on the head pretty good. I must've been unconcious.
Anton: You think?
Mick: I know fucker, now dig me up!

Anton: Hey, I didn't kill anyone on purpose, okay?
Mick: Yeah, well, we weren't in hell! I mean, there was this bright white light at the end of a long tunnel, right, and there was these chicks' voices, and that music...
Anton: Music?
Pnub: Yeah, kinda uncool music, like, Enya. And these chicks' voices, they were saying, "come to us, come towards the light".
Anton: So what happened?
Mick: We figured, fuck it, I mean, it was really far!

Anton: [singing] Devil girl, with nothin' to lose, she's got wind in her hair and gum on her sho-o-o-es!

Anton: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today because you're all dead... and it's all my fault. Mom, Dad, you fed me, kept a roof over my head until I killed you. Which I guess doesn't make me a very good son. But, I'm gonna try to change.
[hand twitches]
Anton: Mick, Pnub I'll never forget all those times we sat around, watched TV and got really, really stoned. And all those other times we just... well I guess that's all we did.
[picks flowers from garden and throws them over the 'graves']
Anton: Amen.

Anton: What the fuck are you doing, man? Come on, that's my dad!
Pnub: CPR, man! I saw it on Baywatch, man!

Mick: Anton it's killing me to see me to see you this stressed out man. You cut off your hand in the interest of who knows how many others. So, what I want you to do is take a little Anton time. Okay just relax, kick back my man.
Anton: No, no, no, you know what? Not this time. Okay I'm through with that, I mean all I do is I sit around all day I veg out, I watch TV, I smoke pot...
Mick: No, no, no, no Kevin Costner speeches okay? Let's just go.