The Best Brian Cammarata Quotes

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Hands him a wooden box] for you
Brian: What's this?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Jokingly] a music box
Brian: [after opening the box, surprised by the expensive watch as a gift] holy shit a Patek?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Yeah, me and Ralph got lucky in a new real estate investment
Brian: [Surprised] you actually did it?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Nods, smiles]
Brian: Tony, I was only speculating I never meant for you to...
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Interrupts him, reassures him] relax, your name will never come up

Tony: [asking her if she wants him to pour her wine while holding the bottle over her glass] a simple yes or no will do
Carmela: please
Carmela: [after Tony orders desert and coffee for everyone, to Brian] can I ask you a financial related question?
Tony: come on, the last thing the guy wants to talk about is talk shop.
Janelle: go ahead, ask him anything you want: it's all he likes to talk about
Carmela: it's no big thing, I was just wondering if you had any ideas what Tony and I should do with the "proceeds" from the property we sold in Newark?
Brian: [assuming she's referring to the real estate scam he and Tony were involved in with the Department of Housing and Urban Development] HUD?
Carmela: [confused] what?
Tony: [jokingly, pretending Brian is drunk, covering up for Brian's mistake, referring to the 1963 western] the kid loves Paul Newman movies: no more Grappa for you
Carmela: [to Tony] you know what I'm talking about, uncle Junior's lot over on Frelinghuysen Avenue
Tony: [referring to the money they made from the sale] oh yeah, that, it all went into the trust
Brian: T-bills, I was able to lock you in before the rates dropped

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Introducing Paulie to Brian at Paulie's welcome back from prison party at the Bada Bing strip club] say hello to Brian Cammarata, Carm's cousin, the financial guy
Paulie: How you doing kid?
Brian: [Jokingly] so, just back from "college" huh?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Let me talk to Paulie for a sec ok?
Brian: Nice meeting you
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: So, how you doing? You ok?
Paulie: Just thank God that piece of shit from Youngstown "copped" to that gun. I could've been wearing an orange jumpsuit until I'm ninety
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Handing him an envelope full of money] well, your back home now. That's the important thing. Here, to get back on your feet
Paulie: Thanks T, not that I don't appreciate it but I could've used a boost while I was gone too. Fuckin bills. Then there's ma with the private home care. You know she almost lost her spot at Green Grove? An extra 5g's to hold her place
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Paulie, you've been back thirty seconds and you already got a fist full of cash, and not to mention the no-show jobs I got for you
Paulie: Your right Tone. I know
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Enjoy the party
Paulie: I will

Ralph: So is there any investment advice for an ambitious young man like myself
Brian: "Buy land I guess because God ain't making any more of it", that's what Will Rogers said
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: It's true, my house is worth nearly triple of what I paid
Ralph: Location's the key right? Otherwise you get stuck with shit
Brian: Sometimes there's money in shit
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: How'd you mean?
Brian: Nothing, I don't know
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: We're just talking here come on
Brian: I don't know. Some guy I went to school with, this black guy. We worked for one summer for this not-for-profit housing group. He told me about some scam this minister was involved in up in Harlem
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I read about this: fake mortgage loans or something right?
Brian: Actually, you ever hear of HUD?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Housing Development yeah
Brian: HUD was set up to help minorities and low income families become home owners
Ralph: There are more programs for these dead beats I swear to Christ
Brian: As long as the Fed is guaranteeing the home mortgage the banks figure "what the hell?" They'll loan the money. You get a front man to buy houses in a crummy neighborhood. I'm talking real shit boxes that are worth like a hundred grand a piece. Next, you tie up with some not-for-profit organization who goes to HUD and say they intend to buy these houses from your stooge

Brian: the tax purposes the annuity is fine but if I'm hearing you right, liquidity is the real concern?
Carmela: [after looking at Tony and he nods] "occasionally" we need "ready access" to our money
Brian: honestly guys, I'd recommend a life insurance trust that coupled with the growth-oriented allocation of your assets... including an assortment of other investment "vehicles"
Tony: [jokingly] like what? Classic cars?
Brian: no, like stocks, bonds
Carmela: I think his "pulling your leg"
Brian: [amused] I gotta remember that one. So, great, we'll open an account, get the paperwork started and...
Tony: [interrupts him] look, no offense, I know we're family, let me think about it: run it by my accountant
Carmela: Ginsberg? He's a CPA, not an investment advisor
Tony: well, whatever, he knows about this stuff
Brian: you know what Carm? Talk to your accountant, two heads huh?