The Best Burt Quotes

Burt: [about bringing dates to the wedding] We don't want you showing up stag and riling each other up.
Mike: We don't rile each other up!
Burt: We *never* get riled up!
Mike: I don't get riled!
Dave: He doesn't, and I don't either!

Burt: I want you two to bring a date. That's two dates.
Dave: You want us to bring dates to a wedding?
Mike: Excuse me?
Dave: Are you allowed to do that?