The Best Cedric The Entertainer Quotes

Carl: [to Sid] Look, we're gonna break your neck so you don't feel a thing. How's that?
Manfred: Wait a minute. I thought rhinos were vegetarians.
Sid: An excellent point!
Manfred: Shut up.
Carl: Who says we're gonna eat him after we kill them?
Frank: Yeah, come on, move it.
Manfred: You know, I don't like animals that kill for pleasure.
Carl: Save it for a mammal that cares.
Sid: I'm a mammal that cares!

Uncle: Y'all keep asking for help. I'll help! I'll go down there and help blow up some more levees.
Cousin: [to Uncle Ruckus] You better shut your mouth before I beat your monkey ass up again!

Tom: We good?
Scribble: You know this is some bullshit, right? These dudes is monsters, man. I mean if they can't fuck it, rob it, or kill it they don't want it.

Mamie: It's three o'clock; Steve Harvey's on.
Elka: Oh, nobody's funnier than Steve Harvey.
Boyce: Really? No-one?
Mamie: He's like the Original King of Comedy.
Boyce: Yeah. Yet, you know, there were other Kings of Comedy, y'know.
Elka: But he was the funny one.
Boyce: Oh, oh, the way Rue McClanahan was the funny one on 'The Golden Girls'.
Elka: I never saw that show.

Caroline: We got you a puppet.
Max: And, yes, I was stoned but Caroline was laughing just as hard as me.
Darius: You got me a what?
Max: A puppet. We got you a puppet.
Darius: But I don't use a puppet.
Max: Until you do.
Caroline: Just imagine At the end of your act or in the beginning...
Max: Or all the way through.
Caroline: "Ladies and Gentleman... Darius the Hilarious and his partner, Justin Beaver."
[talking as the puppet]
Caroline: Damn, girl. And I mean dam as in, I built one. Ha ha ha. And you don't even have to be funny. Justin Beaver does the work for you.

Carl: I can't believe it. Fresh wild greens? Frank. Where did you ever?
Frank: Go ahead - dig in...
Carl: A dandelion! I thought the frost wiped 'em all out.
Frank: [singsong voice] All but one.