The Best Charles Durning Quotes

[Trying to warn Pearl Harbor of the impending Japanese attack]
Senator: This is, uh, Senator Samuel S. Chapman, of the United States Senate on board the aircraft carrier Nimitz. Captain Yelland is here with me.
Pearl: You're on a what?
Senator: I repeat. I am Senator Samuel S. Chapman onboard the U.S.S. Nimitz.
Pearl: Alright, whoever the hell you are. Use of military frequencies by unauthorized personnel is a felony.
Senator: Now listen here, sir!
Pearl: As we have no aircraft carrier Nimitz and no Captain Yelland I suggest, asshole, that you stop impersonating some other asshole and get off the air! You're wasting our time!
Senator: How dare you talk to me that way!

Senator: [Arthur leers at Laurel] Arthur! will you leave the girl enough clothes on not to catch cold? She's too valuable to me right now.
Arthur: Have you slept with her yet?
Senator: What kind of question is that to ask a married man?
Arthur: Ha-ha! You son-of-a-gun!
Senator: Think I'd better go check what she's doing.
Arthur: Oh, sure!
Senator: Arthur, have another drink and stop thinking about how much everyone else is getting. See you later.

[Discussing how to counter Homer Stokes' campaign for governor]
Junior: We could hire our own midget, even shorter than his.
Pappy: Wouldn't we look like a bunch of Johnny-come-latelies, bragging on our own midget, doesn't matter how stumpy.

Pappy: And furthermore, by way of endorsing my candidacy, the Soggy Bottom Boys are gonna lead us all in a rousing chorus of "You Are My Sunshine."
[Applause. Pappy turns away from the mike, towards Everett]
Pappy: [no-nonsense] Ain't you, boys?
Ulysses: Governor, it's one of our favorites.
Pappy: Son... you're gonna go far.

Pappy: Shake a leg Junior! Thank God your mammy died givin' birth. If she'd have seen you, she'd have died o' shame.

Senator: If this wasn't happening to me, I wouldn't believe it.

Pappy: I'll press your flesh, you dimwitted sumbitch! You don't tell your pappy how to court the electorate. We ain't one-at-a-timin' here. We're MASS communicating!

Pappy: Sounded to me like he was harboring a hateful grudge against the Soggy Bottom Boys on account of their rough and rowdy past. Looks like Homer Stokes is the kind of fellow who wants to cast the first stone.
[boos]
Pappy: Well, I'm with you folks. I'm a forgive and forget Christian. And I say, if their rambunctiousness and misdemeanoring, is behind them...
[turns away from the mike, towards Everett]
Pappy: [no-nonsense] It is, ain't it, boys?
Ulysses: Uh, yes sir, it is.
Pappy: Well, then, I say, by the power vested in me, these boys is hereby pardoned!

Lasky: [a captured Japanese prisoner is holding a captive and is demanding access to a radio] Why don't you tell him what's going on here, Commander? You're an expert on what's gonna happen tomorrow; tell him about it, for God's sakes. Go on, tell him! We got nothing to lose!
Captain: [Owens looks at Yelland, who nods] Go ahead, tell him.
Commander: [hesitates, then looks directly at the Japanese prisoner] 26 November, six carriers left the Kuril Isles north of Japan. The carriers were the Akagi, Kaga, Shokaku, Zuikaku, Hiryu, Soryu. Tomorrow at dawn, these carriers will send 353 planes to attack Pearl Harbor.
Senator: [staring, stunned] How in the hell do you know all that?
Commander: Your code is "Climb Mount Niitaka." Niitakayama nobore!
[the Japanese prisoner, looking horrified, slowly lowers the gun and is shot to death by security crew]