250 Best CSI Nicholas 'Nick' Stokes Quotes

Nick: There's a sucker born every minute.
Gil: Yeah, and they all come to Vegas.

Nick: Julian Harper. Wasn't he supposed to be like the next Brad Pitt or something?
Warrick: Yeah. Now he's the next River Phoenix.

Nick: Is there anything you won't bet on, man?
Warrick: Nah.

Detective: Our man Alex James is quite the land owner. According to the mining laws of 1872, public land can still be paten for five dollars an acre, a law which is still in effect. That's all this guy did was buy and sell publicly-owned, government land. Funny thing is, there was one mine that he sold over and over again.
Nick: Now, why would he do that?
Detective: Now, there lies the mystery.

Nick: Where were you making all these phone calls from?
Erik: From a country western bar, I hit them all when the cowboys come to town.
Nick: Alright alright, I'll check it out.
Erik: Yeah, you do that please.
Nick: [Leaning to him before leaving the room] I didn't take you for a country music fan. Yee-ha!

Nick: Well, it takes 10 minutes to drive from the clinic to Industrial Road.
Warrick: Yeah?
Nick: Yeah, I had Greg run it.
Warrick: [laughing] That's classic!

Nick: [about Marlon West] He confessed. It was later thrown out on a technicality. We really didn't need it. The prosecution's case against Marlon was very strong.
Sara: Until Marlon's little sister Hannah got on the stand and confessed to the murder herself.
Catherine: Oh, yes, I remember this case. A high school senior at age 12.
Nick: She's a pint-size Machiavelli. She manipulated events, fabricated evidence, and in the end...
Sara: She claimed that she did it because she loved Marlon. Some warped sense of justice... She graduated later that summer, became legally emancipated from her parents and went off to Harvard, pre-med.
Gil: You keeping tabs on her?
Sara: Not recently. Look, accident or no accident, Marlon killed before. Hannah sunk this case, Marlon got a free pass, and now he's killed again.
Catherine: Well, we don't know that just yet. I mean, we don't have Marlon's DNA to compare with the semen that was found in the victim. All the old evidence was expunged with the verdict.
Sara: I want this case.
Gil: The one that got away?
Sara: We're not supposed to let them get away, right?

Captain: Nick, what was that shot?
Nick: Miss.

Catherine: .25 Pistol on the floor, and a 25 shell case right next to it.
Nick: Warrick's service pistol is till in evidence, he didn't carry a backup.
Catherine: It's gotta be the murder weapon.
Nick: Leave the gun, take the cannolli. This was a hit.

Kyle: A freezer chest! What do you think?
Nick: That's never good!

Gil: Tom Haviland's attorneys are not waiving time.
Nick: Are you serious?
Sara: They're actually exercising their right to a speedy trial?
Gil: No requests for continuances, no stall tactics. They're pushing for their day in court.
Warrick: Good defense attorney always does the last thing you expect.
Catherine: Yeah. What typically drags on for months has now been put on the fast track and the prelim is less than 72 hours.
Greg: I'm only done processing half the evidence.
Catherine: You're going to have to call in help, because if the judge thinks that our evidence isn't strong enough to go to trial, he's going to dismiss the charges on Tom.
Sara: Can't the D.A. drop the charges and we'll refile when we get our evidence together?
Catherine: Sure, but the odds are that Tom will relocate to Europe and pull a Polanski.
Greg: And what's a Polanski?
Gil: Get-out-of-jail-free card. One more thing: Westcott just added a forensic scientist to their roster. She wants him to examine every piece of evidence we have against Haviland.
Nick: As soon as it's processed they'll get a copy of our report.
Gil: They're entitled to see it as it's processed.
Nick: I've never done a case where the defendant took advantage of that rule of discovery.
Gil: Well, when you can't attack the evidence itself, you attack the method of gathering the evidence.
Sara: So who's their guy?
Gil: Dr. Phillip Gerard.
Sara: Phillip Gerard? Your mentor is their forensic scientist?
Gil: Yeah. Marjorie Westcott's a smart lawyer.

Gil: Okay, if there were any other suspect, what would be our conclusion?
[everyone is silent for a long moment]
Greg: That he did it.
Gil: Which is what Warrick told Internal Affairs.
Catherine: He confessed?
Gil: No, but he didn't deny it. He says that he can't remember.
Greg: Yeah, we've all heard that one before.
Nick: What's that supposed to mean?
Greg: It's not supposed to mean anything. We're just talking.
Nick: Well, we can't just sit here and watch him go down.
Catherine: We're not going to. He asked for a lawyer, and we're going to get him a shark.
Greg: The only thing that a jury is gonna see is a rogue cop with a vendetta. I've been there before. They're gonna crucify him.

Nick: There's a story for you. I think I'll sell it to Holly-weird. Get rich.

Nick: You know, it's easier to get a master's degree than a parking spot on campus.

Nick: Leggo my Greggo

Greg: [to Nick] So, now you have to find it on the surveillance tape?
Nick: If I want to present it to a jury, yeah. Nowadays, people expect a show.
[hands the test results back to Greg]
Nick: I should've gone to film school.

Nick: [to Marlon] You moved the body, you buried it.
Marlon: I know I did; I was there. What's the problem?
Nick: Well, the problem is what happened in the locker room. I mean, you're not the kind of guy who puts sodium in a showerhead to get back at somebody. You just trip them in the hallway.
Marlon: So you think I'm too stupid to have done it. Great, join the club.
Nick: I don't think you're stupid, Marlon; I didn't say you were stupid. But this is Hannah's game. The whole way.

[Nick checks out a corpse of a young boy on a gurney]
Nick: This kid should be out playing Pop Warner.

Archie: I found this on Anders' computer.
Nick: What is this, a video game?
Archie: No, it's actually an FRPG: "Fantasy role-playing game." You see, players use avatars to represent themselves in a fantasy world. There's Serena, Todd and Kwan in this alternate universe conjuring up a gateway which summons a beast-like Anders who decapitates Kwan.
Nick: You know a lot about this stuff, don't you?
Archie: Mm-hmm.
Nick: You got to get a girlfriend.

Nick: Hey, Catherine, when's your little girl comin' by?
Catherine: She isn't.
Nick: Yeah, but I got her a chem set.
[looks over to see Grissom had bought the same gift]
Sara: You keep that; might learn something.
Nick: Stop flirting with me.

Sara: [reading what's on Hannah's dress] Rainbow party?
Nick: Yeah, it's a party game where the boys get the girls to wear different colored lipsticks while they have oral sex. The boy with the most colors wins. It's supposed to be trendy.
Sara: So much for spin the bottle.

Jessie: [When Nick and Brass find Dollar gagged and locked inside of a trunk in the back of his car] Where we at, man?
Jim: You're outside your hotel, sir.
Nick: Don't worry, we're gonna get you out of there and get you medical attention.
Jessie: Man, is you crazy? Look what I got on. I got all these people around here, the press. Man, let me know when we get to the hospital, man.
[grabs the trunk cover and closes it over himself]
Jim: [shrugs] He's got a point.

Nick: Looks like they starved her first.
Captain: Well Jesus fastened in the desert.
C.S.I. Night Shift Supervisor Dr. Gil Grissom: Yeah but he had a choice.

Nick: The evidence says either one of them could have done it, but I think they were in it together.
A.D.A. Jeffrey Sinclair: Okay, I'll proceed against Marlon for the murder and bring charges against Hannah for conspiracy.
Conrad: Another trial? You sure you want to go through all this again?
A.D.A. Jeffrey Sinclair: Stacy's parents and the community will have my ass if I don't.
Sara: Well, then maybe this is good news. I was just going over Sofia's notes from the original investigation. The night of the murder, Hannah and Marlon's parents had left them alone in the house. A pizza was delivered to the residence around 9:00 PM.
Nick: That's right around Stacy's TOD.
A.D.A. Jeffrey Sinclair: So, did anybody talk to the delivery guy?
Sara: Yes, and at the point that Sofia did, a month had passed. Now, the delivery guy's at the house all the time. He recognized photos of both kids, but he could not be sure which one answered the door that night.
Nick: But one of them did answer the door.
[Sara nods]
Nick: So that means they were not together at the time Stacy was killed.
Conrad: Yeah. So much for conspiracy. We're right back where we started.
A.D.A. Jeffrey Sinclair: Where we are is in the crapper. Look, I have to disclose the cart. Defense is going to eat me alive.
Nick: Marlon's your guy. He's your guy - just because Hannah wasn't there doesn't mean she didn't help plan this.
A.D.A. Jeffrey Sinclair: Well, I sure hope it's Marlon, because he's the one we have on trial.
Nick: I stand by the case we filed.
Conrad: I agree. The girl's just trying to protect him.
A.D.A. Jeffrey Sinclair: Sara?
Sara: This was more about brains than brawn. I think Hannah did it.
Conrad: Two out of three.
A.D.A. Jeffrey Sinclair: In my world, that's called an acquittal.

Greg: So, how does the victim's blood end up in the suspects mouth?
Nick: Murder is a messy job my friend

Nick: [Greg opens a cupboard and pulls out a book] I thought that's where you kept your porn.
Greg: I move it around.

Warrick: You know, if I had to gauge it by his apartment, I'd say that Alistair Rhodes is a regular guy.
Nick: Yeah, I'm sure that's what he wants everybody to think, too.

Nick: Momentum's a bitch.

Sara: Do you have any physical evidence that would conclusively rule Hannah out as a suspect?
Nick: Well... yeah. She's four-foot three and sixty-five pounds. The crime just required more strength than she's got.
Catherine: How old is she?
Nick: 12.
Warrick: In high school?
Nick: She's a high school senior. She skipped six grades. She's a prodigy.
Sara: Which means that she has the brains for murder.

Archie: It was kind of fun being out in the field. Pulling drives, collecting evidence, flashing ID. I think I got a flair for it.
Nick: You bucking for a promotion?
Archie: Not bucking. Nudging.

Nick: [enters the room] Crop circles?
[laughs]
Nick: Come on, Super Dave. Wasn't the alien autopsy embarrassing enough?
David: Given the circumstances, alien was not an unreasonable conclusion at the time.
Nick: You need to get a girlfriend.
David: I'm engaged, but thank you.

Nick: And how does your theory account for the fact that all the blood's Ryan's?
Greg: It... doesn't.

Greg: Bringing back a semen sample... I analyzed this and found your DNA.
Nick: That was quick.
Greg: No jokes about my being fast in this department.
Nick: Hah.

Nick: It was good that you were there for her Sara. She didn't have to die alone.
Sara: [sadly] We usually show up too late to meet the victim.

Nick: [as they are reviewing video surveillance] Looks like Raymond was disposing of the bodies for your client. You think he ran out of time before he could move Kim's out?
Dr. Phillip Gerard: Or Ray was disposing of them for himself. You've just supplied Tom Haviland with reasonable doubt.
Nick: No. What I showed you on video is Ray in the casino during the time the murders were committed.
Dr. Phillip Gerard: His zeal is clouding his judgment. It's not what did happen; it's what the jury will believe could have happened.

Nick: [to Grissom] How you doing over there?
Gil: I got scat.
Nick: Feces?
Gil: Yep.
Nick: Under the fingernail?
Gil: Yep.
Nick: He wiped his own ass?
Gil: [chuckles] No, Nick, it's not human. It's scat. Could be from a bat.
Nick: Bat scat.
Gil: Bat guano.

Drops: [to Nick] Is Dana gonna do any time for offing J.J.?
Nick: Oh, I doubt it. Sounds like a pretty good case of self-defense to me.
Drops: What about the money? I'm not expecting anything. Just wondering.
Nick: Well, technically, it's the mother's. It was her apartment. Dana's the only beneficiary, so the money's really hers.
Drops: And my kid's.
Nick: Yeah.
Drops: For once, I did something good in my life.
Nick: Oh, your life ain't over yet, Kellen. It ain't over yet.

Nick: Hey, Greg
Greg: [looking through the microscope] Shh! I might be looking at the mother of my children here.
Nick: Somebody's been putting in way too much overtime.
Greg: No, man, this is serious. I had a date last night and this girl has the most impossible green eyes. Just... BAM! Shoulder-length blonde hair, intelligent, and she smells so good.
Nick: Cute toes?
Greg: Oh, ideal!
Nick: Mmm.
Greg: And none are longer than the big toe.
Nick: Mmm.
Greg: Both feet. But, you know, what I need to know is what's on the inside?
Nick: Oh, what's in her heart?
Greg: No... her DNA. And let me tell you, this girl has got some fine epithelials.
Nick: [laughing] Dude, you're sick. Man, you've officially lost it!
Greg: No, no. There is this guy in Louisville. He charges 300 clams to test your spouse's underwear for foreign DNA. Now, that guy is sick. I'm just a romantic.
Nick: But whatever happened to getting to know someone over coffee, letting the relationship evolve? Romantic is sending flowers, not bogarting her skin cells.
Greg: Ahh, that's boring.

Greg: So... what's the pot up to?
Nick: We don't bet on cases.
Greg: Ah. Of course you don't. So who's winning?
Nick: I am.
Greg: Fiends.

Milton: I shot an arrow into the air,it fell to earth, I knew not where; For, so swiftly it flew, the sight. Could not follow it in its flight. Long, long... '
Nick: Sir, that's, that's really sweet.
Milton: That's Longfellow. What do you kids know about poetry?
Sara: Nick, the arrow came in through that window.
Nick: Yeah.
Milton: Even an idiot would see that.
[Nick goes out, looks around and finds another arrow, he comes back]
Nick: Hey Sara, I found another arrow shot into the ground near that tool shed.
Sara: Maybe the shooter got nervous.
Nick: Well, to work in a Brothel you're required to register your fingerprints. So...
Sara: I'm almost done here, I'll catch up.
Nick: Okay. I'll let you know if we get lucky.
Sara: [turns to Milton and finishes the poem] 'Long, long afterward, in an oak I found the arrow, still unbroke; And the song, from beginning to end, found again in the heart of a friend.' Keep the faith Milton.

Catherine: Pig and the piglets are in the pigpen.
Warrick: About time. Finally some good news.
Catherine: Did you know Pig, a.k.a Cole Tritt, was the only adult? The rest were all under 18. One was 14.
Warrick: You're kidding. Who raises these kids?
Catherine: I mean, they weren't all delinquents. Demetrius James was a college student.
Nick: Hangin' out with the wrong crowd in the wrong town. I'm tellin' ya, havin' a fake I.D in Las Vegas is like havin' a - a free ticket on the hell train. Sex, drugs, gambling, no adult supervision, 24/7, by the time they're 21 they've done and seen it all.
Catherine: Make me slit my wrists why don't ya? I'm raising a teenager here.
Warrick: Ah, you're doin' a great job, Linds is gonna turn out to be a beautiful young woman. Besides, I grew up in Vegas, I didn't turn out so bad, did I?
Nick: Yeah. That was pre-Mirage. Back when you were goin' to the casino, playin' the arcade games. Nah, Vegas is a different animal now.
Warrick: Yeah, these kids need to beat people up in the street to be entertained. They need some good discipline, they need their grandmother whuppin' their ass like I had.
Nick: Yeah, a good slap.
Sara: You know, it kinda sounds like you guys are blaming everyone but these kids. I mean, you don't get a bye just because you grew up here or your parents are on drugs or - - those kids were perfectly capable of telling the difference between a wild night out and beating somebody to death.
Gil: The truth is, a moral compass can only point you in the right direction, it can't make you go there. Our culture preaches that you shouldn't be ashamed of anything you do anymore. And unfortunately this city is built on the principle that there's no such thing as guilt. "Do whatever you want, we won't tell." So without a conscience, there's nothing to stop you from killing someone. And evidently you don't even have to feel bad about it.

Greg: Wish I had one of these back in high school.
Nick: What's that, a letter jacket?
Greg: No. No, a love shack. Back seat of my car got real old, real fast. I was getting so much play my senior year, I was considering getting a hearse.
Nick: Well, I never accused you of not being smart Greg. A little weird, but... a hearse?

Stewart: [after seeing Wendy working in the lab] Beautiful people doing high-tech police work. There might be a series in this.
Nick: I don't think so.

Nick: You know when I was a kid we used to make these out of lunch trays and mower motors.
Greg: When I was a kid, I made bombs.
[Nick looks at Greg]
Greg: Little bombs.

[after Nick takes Archie to a crime scene at a software company]
Greg: I thought we had a relationship going! What are you doing taking Archie into the field instead of me?
Nick: Right tool for the right job, man.
Greg: What do you mean?
Nick: Hey, Archie? What's that "Star Trek" episode with that guy and the forehead thingy and the time portal...?
Archie: Original, TNG, Deep Space Nine, Voyager or Enterprise?
Greg: Point taken.
Archie: ...Or were you thinking about Farscape?
Nick: I have no idea what you are talking about.

Nick: [while searching the body hanging from the tree] Either these kids were travelling light or they were robbed blind.
Warrick: Who'd rob them up there, Andre the Giant?

Nick: [while watching an attractive girl undress in a video] Blam.
Archie: You can say that again.
Nick: Blam.
Catherine: Down, boys.

Nick: [Catherine waits outside the courtroom on the bench; Nick comes out] Damn!
Catherine: What?
Nick: Damn, damn, damn. I forgot to put case identifiers on my dice photos.
Catherine: Date, time and file number?
Nick: Yeah.
[Catherine doesn't say anything]
Nick: Don't look at me that way, okay? I wrote it down on the evidence envelope. I had to move fast. The casino manager wanted us out of there.
Catherine: The dice places Tom at the murder. Victim's blood mixed with his saliva.

Catherine: [to Nick] Remember, if you get stuck just maintain the same posture. If there's any adjustments, you're seen as squirming. It's going to make you look shifty.
Nick: Thanks, Cath. You know, I've done this before.
Catherine: Well, I've done it longer.

[last lines]
Detective: Hey. You owe me an apology.
Nick: I'm sorry
[pause]
Nick: [turns away] that you feel that way.
[walks away]

Nick: Hummingbirds do love the color red.
Warrick: You've been watching way too much Discovery Channel.
[to Grissom]
Warrick: This guy needs a girl.

[Grissom admits to a mistake]
Gil: What?
Nick: Well, it's just that most people don't admit to being wrong.
Gil: I'm wrong all the time. It's how I get to "right".

[Nick has a cold and coughs on Hodges]
David: You know, in China people where masks when they're sick. It's considered impolite to infect your coworkers.
Nick: Maybe you should go work in China.
David: Maybe you should wear a mask.

Gil: We need a treadmill; a big one.
Nick: Alright, to do what?
Gil: Exercise a bus.

Greg: Henry, my friend, you are about to have the best birthday of your life because we are taking you to the one, the only, Harry's. Hog. Hideout.
Henry: What's a Hog Hideout?
Nick: It's only the best barbecue know to mankind. It's a little bit of a drive but don't worry. Greg knows where it is.
Greg: [laughs] I thought you said you knew where it is.
Henry: [sometime later/imitating Nick] It's just a bit of a drive y'all.
[as himself]
Henry: Look if this place is so great then how come I've never heard of it?
Nick: Come on man. A little trust, baby. Come on it's your birthday.
Greg: Yeah.
Henry: I hate my birthdays. They always suck.
[they round the corner, revealing a full moon]
Henry: Oh great, we've got a full moon tonight too, so every nut job in the state will be out.
David: I'm surprised at you Henry. There's absolutely no statistical evidence linking lunar cycle to an increase in irrational, careless, or criminal behavior.
Nick: [seeing a car coming straight on ahead of them] Are you sure about that?

Marlon: I'm telling you, I didn't kill Kira. I've never lied to you. Not once. You just never believe me. When I'm guilty, you want me to be innocent. When I'm innocent, you want me to be guilty.
Nick: Hey, you know what, Marlon? You can save it, 'cause unlike most people, you're not going to get me to underestimate you. I already know you're every bit as smart as your sister, especially when it comes to creating confusion.

Sara: [Sara smells like decomp] Give me a mint.
Nick: You're gonna need more than one.

Nick: Who takes a tape recorder with them on vacation?
Captain: Well, I keep one by the bed, in case I dream something useful.
Nick: Hmmm?
[looks shocked]
Captain: What? I can't have deep thoughts?

[after catching "Hot Rod" to ask him some questions]
Nick: Nothing says "I'm guilty" like running from the cops, dumbass.

Viva: I go home, I rip open my junk mail and I put it in the fireplace. It's an impulse control disorder, but it's private. I don't burn down houses and kill children.
Nick: Maybe not on purpose, but accidents do happen.

Catherine: Well, according to her credit card records Portia Richmond hasn't spent a dime since she's been in the Mediterranean.
Sara: She's dead.
Catherine: Not necessarily. She may have been... swept off her feet.
Nick: Some guys still like to foot the bill.
Sara: How would you know?
Nick: Hey, I only go dutch if girls ask the wrong question.
Catherine: What question it that, Nick?
Nick: "What do you drive?"
Sara: It's a legitimate question.
Nick: No, it's not. What it means is "how much do you make so you can take care of me".

[last lines]
Gil: Tough shift, huh?
Nick: Just another day in paradise.
Judy: [answering the phone] Crime Lab. How can we help you?

Nick: Blood's like my grandfather. Never lies.

Nick: I'm not sleeping with her if that makes a difference.
Gil: It does.

Nick: [to a suspect with a cut on his forehead] Did you cut yourself shaving or were you just thinking too hard?

Nick: [in the coffin; saying good bye to his family and friends; speaking to Grissom] I disappointed you.
Gil: [at the lab watching the video] No you never did, Nick.

Greg: Just remember that my saliva is getting on you and your saliva is getting on me.
Nick: That's gross.

Conrad: [to Nick] Good news is Judge Crawford denied the defense's motion to dismiss.
Nick: Of course he did. She's just a mixed-up kid trying to protect her older brother. All the evidence points to Marlon.
Conrad: Yeah, and all the jury's going to remember is a little girl in a bloody shirt confessing to murder. That's reasonable doubt on a silver platter.

Club manager: Listen, this guy was scaring my customers, so I drove him out of town.
Nick: You didn't, by any chance, happen to put him in a bag and dropped him off a hill into a gully did you?

David: How old were you when you first got drunk?
Nick: Oh, 16, 17.
David: Amortized over a generation, 12 is about right?
Nick: So your saying, two generations from now, 4 year olds are just gonna be getting trashed?
David: Pre-school graduation parties are going to be off the hook.

Warrick: What are you doing here?
Nick: I'm playing cards. With my friend.

Nick: You know, Ray - for somebody who doesn't like golf, you certainly seem to know an awful lot about it.
Dr. Raymond Langston: It's not that I don't like golf. It's just that you have to focus your mind, practically every fiber of your being, on a small, white ball that you want to hit just the right way. And then when you hit it, the feeling is exhilarating. And so you chase the small, white ball all day, so that you can hit it exactly the same way. You chase that feeling - kinda like cocaine. Not exactly the best hobby for an obsessive personality.
Nick: People like that are better suited for a job in criminalistics, huh?

David: [looking at the last pictures on the victims cell phone] Looks like he's having a pretty good time
Nick: Right up until someone ended it

Captain: [when Tonya's body is found] Did, uh, Tom Haviland ever play a boxer? Girl's face looks like hamburger meat.
Gil: Looks like uncontrollable rage to me.
Nick: Grissom, you might want to come down here.
Gil: Just say it, Nick.
Nick: Beans and franks. Tonya's a man.
Gil: Looks like that old Hollywood saying: "Never get caught with a dead girl or a live boy." So, let's see Tom's in bed with what he thinks are two girls. He reaches down on one, becomes very confused. Most guys would have just cleared the room and gargled with whiskey. But Movie Boy, who brags about doing his own stunts, couldn't take the thought of having a man in his bed, so he freaked out.

[Nick Stokes is interrogating a hooker, who shows him the flyer that one of her client gave her]
Sally: There. I've never been to Hawaii.
Nick: No, me neither.
Sally: [In a teasing tone] I'd like you to take me in Hawaii.
Nick: I'm working.
Sally: So am I.

Jeremiah: [to Nick and Warrick] Y'all think you're all cops? Y'all ain't cops.
Nick: [takes his gun out and points it at Jeremiah] That's right. We're not cops. We're mad scientists.

Nick: [Nick is seen on video feed saying something unheard, possible "I never meant to disappoint you."]
Gil: You never did, Nicky.

Drops: [to Nick] Now, come on, Crime Lab, I thought we was old buddies.
Nick: The only thing we have in common, Kellen, are the dead bodies that seem to keep piling up around you.

Sara: What's that smell?
Nick: I'm nuking a burrito.
Sara: Mmm. Junk food and radiation. Good combo.

Nick: [when finding a dead hunter] Looks like the hunter became the hunted

Nick: People are pigs.
Gil: Don't insult the pigs, Nick. They're actually very clean.

Warrick: Damn! Why didn't I see that coming? Gambling?
Nick: Hey, we're all in Nevada. It's legal; don't worry about it.
Warrick: Legal doesn't matter in there. You know the judge is going to throw out our blood evidence, right?
Nick: Truth is, it is compromised, Warrick.
Warrick: The blood is fine. It's their methods that are dirty.

Hodges: I didn't page you.
Nick: No. I just figured I'd come by.
Hodges: You're checking up on me again.
Nick: No, I'm checking up on my evidence.
Hodges: Do you think if you hover the FTIR will work faster?
Nick: Yes, Hodges, that's what I think.

Nick: Crime scene at a funeral. Can't get much deader than this.

Nick: I don't want to disappoint you but this is not the first time I've had a gun pointed at me.

Nick: It's our job to know how. You heard Grissom: the more 'how' the less 'why'. The less the 'how' the more the 'why'.
Catherine: Hey, Nick. Grissom's not always right. Do yourself a favor ; think for yourself. I mean that as a friend, okay?

Nick: No right hand either. Could have been disarticulated by a wild animal.
Captain: The only wild animal is the one who left her out here.

Nick: [after stepping on something messy on the floor] I think I've just become evidence!

Warrick: [when he opens up the closet door to find a cardboard figure of the Realtor inside] Oh, you gotta be kidding me. Now, that's something.
Nick: What the hell is that?

Nick: They should do a commercial for the city - "Las Vegas: where even the beaver can strike it rich."

C.S.I. Night Shift Assistant Supervisor Catherine Willows: [to Dr. Robbins] Hey, Doc, you have a comb?
[Dr. Robbins and Nick look at her]
Nick: Your hair looks great, Cath.
C.S.I. Night Shift Assistant Supervisor Catherine Willows: Gee, thanks, Nick.

[Grissom finds compromising photos of teenaged Jody Bradley]
Nick: Sometimes I hate this job.

Nick: A mime is a terrible thing to waste.

Gil: My God. She was at the crime scene.
Nick: So she salvages the car, and somehow gets it out to the desert, and grabs Sara, and puts her under it?
Warrick: I don't get it. What does Sara have to do with bleach?
Catherine: I don't know. This just feels different.
Gil: It is different.
[flashback to crime scene where Grissom takes a camera from Sara and caresses her arm]
Gil: This girl holds me responsible for the death of Ernie Dell. I took away the only person she ever loved, so she's gonna do the same thing to me
[everyone looks confused]

Nick: [to Kelly] In a few years, when you get out of here, don't take it with you.

Archie: It's an airline boarding pass. Last night, Vegas to Philadelphia, and then to Rome and Sardina. Two passengers, Nanci McGonigle and Vincent Pullone
Nick: Vincent Pullone was the vic's real name, and here after the crime scene, and Nanci MacGonigle's car...
Archie: According to the airline global distribution system, she boarded the flight, he didn't
Nick: He was busy being dead

Sara: You know what pisses me off?
Nick: Lots of things.

Nick: Don't you hate it when hello turns to gunfire?

Gil: Aaron Pratt is a high-functioning autistic man with superior right brain abilities.
Nick: Kind of sounds like you.

Nick: I was sweating bullets looking at those photos.
Catherine: Did the judge exclude the dice?
Nick: No. No, just my credibility.

Nick: Hey, Catherine, feel like doing some real work?
Catherine: And leave all this?
Nick: I got a woman who DFO'd in front of her house trying to break up a fight. It's a single gunshot wound to the chest. The penetration is shallow. I want to know why.
Catherine: And you want me to cook?

Warrick: Fire in the hole!
[Warrick fires gun]
Nick: [flinching] You're supposed to let me get these things on.
[he indicates the muffs around his neck]
Warrick: Hey, you were supposed to be ready. I don't know man. Maybe it would work out better if Tina was someone who did what we did. At least she'd understand the hours.
Nick: Well, I don't know. I don't think it's a good idea to date someone you work with. You never really get to get away from work, or them the way you need to.
Warrick: You mean like you and me, Baby?
Nick: Yeah exactly, Honey.

Catherine: No organ damage, no disease, no trauma... This is a perfectly healthy young woman.
Nick: Yeah, 'til she dropped dead. Without dropping.

Nick: Well, Rick Chilson did call Sabrina a bitch when we were talking.
Catherine: Charming.
Nick: Yeah, he's an ass, but his alibi checks out. Surveillance at the Mirage has him playing poker the night of the fire.
Catherine: What about Cody?
Nick: He was right there with him, but I don't think that kid takes a breath without Daddy's nod of approval.

Casino: Can the casino do anything to hurry this up, Mr. Stokes?
Nick: I'm processing as fast as I can, sir. It would help if I had the dice used at this table.
Casino: We replace the dice every hour.
Nick: I've got my work cut out for me then, don't I?

Nick: Man! You find the best evidence in the nastiest places.
Catherine: You are what you throw away.
Sara: It's like peeling an onion into peoples' lives.
Catherine: Well, this onion is our time line, so peel back accordingly.

D.B. Russell: So what do you think? Maybe we have two bodies but just one killer?
Nick: And zero idea who it is

Nick: Two pieces of duct tape, both have been swabbed for DNA and fingerprinted.
[Hodges is looking around for someone]
Nick: Grissom wants you to compare adhesives. He's looking for a match.
[Nick glances for whom Hodges is casting about]
Hodges: Ok. That'll take a laser ablation test. That's good.
Nick: Why's that good?
Hodges: Well, laser ablation is both visual *and* dramatic.
Nick: Are you looking for the video crew right now?
Hodges: [scoffs] I would think they would be looking for *me*.
Nick: Relax, man, their show is only an hour long; laser ablation takes, like, six.
Hodges: Yeah, but when they cut it together, it'll only take 30 seconds.
[Nick smiles, amused, and leaves]
Hodges: [30-second montage of laser ablation preparation and FX]
Hodges: [to Grissom:] Ran laser ablation on the duct tape samples. Not a match.

Nick: He Sara, find anything in the treasure hunting car?
Sara: Well, he wasn't a health mad, that's for sure. It looks like he ran a solar business down in Plano. Says on the back he is company owner
Nick: Are you kidding me? Selling solar in Texas?
Sara: What, Texas doesn't have sun?
Nick: Ha ha ha, Texas has oil. When I was growing up, you mentioned something like this it was blasphemy!

Gil: Nick, give me that apple.
Nick: [looks at the apple he's been eating] But I didn't get any lunch...
Gil: You're not supposed to be eating in here so give it.

Nick: Hey Catherine.
C.S.I. Night Shift Assistant Supervisor Catherine Willows: Yeah?
Nick: You may want to take a look at this. Urine in a bedpan... and in a glass.
[while visualizing the victim drinking her own urine, Catherine is appalled]
Nick: She liked it fresh.

Nick: [walks in to see Greg lively doing his work] What up, G?
Sara: You're awake, I hate you.
Greg: Couple glasses of merlot, a rack of lamb on my day off. I slept like a baby yesterday. You look horrible.
Sara: Thanks, Greg.
[Greg looks at Nick]
Nick: Don't look at me. I got 'sunshine' all night.
[Nick glances over at Sara who glares back at him, definitely catching exactly who he's calling "sunshine"]
Nick: Check for DNA in the sexual assault kit and the fingernail, please.
Sara: Everything has to be in CODIS ASAP.
Greg: Oh, is that all? I want to know who's going to authorize my overtime?
Sara: Suck it up, Greg. You're well-rested.
[Sara walks away]
Greg: [to Nick] You want a valium for her?
Sara: [from a distance] I heard that!

Nick: [to Nick] What did you tell him? His son died a hero?
Nick: Look, I'm just trying to give the guy a little peace, you know?
Sara: Oh, well, who are you trying to help feel better, him or you?
Nick: Hey, let me ask you something, Sara. You're Mr. Young. Would you rather know this much or nothing at all?
Sara: You know, if the evidence doesn't support the answer, a CSI shouldn't be asking that question.
Nick: Well, okay, if that works for you.
Sara: Be careful.

Sara: Mr. Young, your son was last seen with a young girl. We know that he rented a waverunner. Now that young girl is in our morgue and we don't know where your son is.
Mr. Young: I can't believe this is happening. Mark has a job. There's no reason for him to be on the lake during a work day.
Sara: We contacted Mark's manager at work. He called in sick.
Mr. Young: What are you saying? That he killed this girl? What is this?
Nick: No, no. No one's saying that. We're just... Mr. Young, when is the last time that you saw Mark?
Mr. Young: Yesterday morning. He came by, got something to eat and he left. I mean, at this age, I can't keep track of him.
Nick: Hey, believe me, I understand. I've been there.
Mr. Young: Mr. Stokes, my son is not a criminal.
Nick: We're not saying he's a criminal.
Sara: All we're saying is your son had contact with the victim and now he's missing. What we'd like to do is get a warrant to search your house.
Mr. Young: A warrant?
Nick: But maybe we don't need one. If we could just come by there and collect some of Mark's things, uh, we could get a DNA sample, exclude him as a suspect.
Mr. Young: You can take whatever you want. Mark didn't hurt that girl.

Nick: [Prepares to drop a purse over a balcony to see where it lands so they can find the victim's missing purse]
Nick: Okay, go find your friend!

Catherine: Broken bones, he gets up and rides again.
Nick: Broken heart, and he's a killer.

Nick: [to Drops] What's the deal with these street teams. What's going on?
Drops: They do all the filthy, dirty, grimy promo for Dollar. Snipe posters, give-away stickers, pass CDs around. Nothing really.
Nick: You know, three kids were murdered the other night doing the exact same thing.
Drops: What can I say, man? These kids run the streets, bro. Anybody at any given time can run up on them and try and lullaby their ass.

Nick: "Sabbatical" is usually a euphemism for "sayonara." I don't think Grissom's coming back.
Catherine: Why wouldn't he?
Nick: I don't know. He shaved his beard, he's lost a little weight, he's been leaving when shift is over. I think he even took a day off last week.
Catherine: Maybe he's got himself a girlfriend.

Greg: We could compare them to the buccal swabs that we collected... if we still had them
Sara: Well, we just have to recollect them.
Greg: All 200 of them?
Sara: eah. And since we can't leave... someone else is... gonna have... to recollect them.
Nick: This is crap! I've been waiting on IAB for 14 hours. I'm tired, and I kinda smell. And I don't have a friggin' car

Nick: Your partner stayed at the party after you left?
Tiffany: As far as I know.
Nick: Where does he live?
Tiffany: I don't know. I've known him for five days.
C.S.I. Night Shift Supervisor Dr. Gil Grissom: Well, that's 120 hours. There must be something you know about him that you could share with us.
Tiffany: Right-handed, a Libra, circumcised, rich; back-east rich. Which kind of surprised me because he wore really cheap cologne.
C.S.I. Night Shift Supervisor Dr. Gil Grissom: Cheap? How?
Tiffany: Smelled funny. Sweet.
C.S.I. Night Shift Supervisor Dr. Gil Grissom: Are you sure it was cologne?
Tiffany: Or deodorant. Mouthwash, maybe. All I know is it smelled... sickly sweet. To be honest, I thought he could have used a little help in that department.
C.S.I. Night Shift Supervisor Dr. Gil Grissom: Would you happen to have an article of clothing of his, by any chance?
Tiffany: The only thing he gave me was a good time.
C.S.I. Night Shift Supervisor Dr. Gil Grissom: Hey, guess what? This isn't about you. This is about a missing seven-year-old girl.

Nick: Mrs Hendler, do you and your husband do much rock climbing?
Amy: Yes.
[points gun at Nick]
Amy: That's what I killed her with.

Todd: It was just a little target practice.
Nick: And that's why it's illegal to discharge firearms within the city limits, genius.

[Examining a crime scene]
Nick: So, what do you think it is? Cocaine maybe?
Catherine: Nope.
Nick: How can you tell just by looking at it?
Catherine: Never you mind.

Nick: I am sick of these punks, man. I'm serious, I'm sick of it.
Warrick: Then you're in the wrong town.
Nick: Maybe.

Nick: [to Sara after she flirts with Hank] Nothin' like flirting over a DB
[laughs]

Nick: Mrs. Hendler, do you and your husband do much rock climbing?
Amy: Yes.
[points gun at Nick]
Amy: That's what I killed her with.

Sage: [to Nick] Do you believe in past lives?
Nick: No.
Sage: Why not?
Nick: I guess I'm just trying to make it through this one.
Sage: I think you're doing pretty well.
[Nick smiles]

Nick: You can not be serious!
Warrick: Hey! John McEnroe, where's the game?

Nick: [to Grissom while on the phone] Hey, Grissom, don't worry. We're gonna get him.
Gil: The undersheriff will be pleased to know that. The nine-millimeter casing found at the business manager's apartment, and the one from Valinda Carlisle's car were fired in the same gun.
Nick: No surprises there.
Gil: Yeah, but it's not the gun that was used to kill Jessica Jaynes.
Nick: I think Walter Jaynes is the one who's on a rampage here, and he's dragging Dana Espinosa with him.
Gil: Any idea where?
Nick: No. No, not yet.
Gil: You might want to work on that, Nick.
[hangs up the phone]

Gil: Nick. You failed your firearm qualifications. You can't be here.
Nick: Oh yeah, well, I'm takin' it again, day after tomorrow. So I figured I could work.
Gil: Not in the field.
Nick: You're serious?
Gil: You're in violation just carrying a weapon.

Drops: [When Drops is released from jail for 48 hours and he sees Brass and Nick] Look who it is. Mom and Dad. One big happy family, huh?
Jim: Yeah, sort of. Get in the car.
[Drops gets inside the car and Brass shuts the door]
Jim: I got a feeling I'm going to regret this.
Nick: I already do.

Nick: You need to get a girlfriend.
David: I'm engaged, but thank you.

Sara: What am I, working food and beverage at one of the hotels? I haven't had a day off in three weeks
Sara: I mean if they're gonna call me in, throw me a bone, give me the 4-19 on the elevator
Nick: Someone's bitter
Sara: I'm tired
Nick: You, tired, I thought you never sleep
[Sara yawns loudly]
Nick: [Nick laughs]

Nick: What guy would like having his little sister around to watch as he gets his ass kicked in front of his girlfriend?

Gil: What if the killer used the victim's car to transport the body?
Nick: He drives the victim's own car back to the funeral home, stuffs the body in a double-decker coffin, hits a car wash, comes back cleans the office, then leaves us the keys. That's pretty considerate.
Gil: Or very smart.

Nick: Hey, Catherine.
Catherine: Yeah?
Nick: You ever been in therapy?
Catherine: Who hasn't? Didn't save my marriage.
Nick: And you were okay sharing your problems with a complete stranger?
Catherine: Rather I tell them to you?

Nick: [while reading a newspaper] McKinley High School Gazette. This is tomorrow's edition with the lead story by editor-in-chief Sabrina Abernathy, entitled "Varsity Hazing Ritual." Now listen to this: "The question is not whether the so-called student athletes should be expelled, but whether or not they should be arrested."
Warrick: Why, what'd they do?
Nick: Apparently, something with several hookers and a lot of testosterone.
Greg: Whatever happened to toilet paper and trees?

Gil: You wanted to work solo.
Nick: Yeah, but it's like Night of the Pifflings out there and I'm on a smash and grab.
Gil: Pifflings?
Nick: Puffin offspring. First time out of the nest every year they crash land in this town near Iceland because they are attracted to the lights of human civilization. It's the same way people flock to Vegas for a fight.
[For a moment, GRISSOM stares a NICK. Then his face lights up as though he's finally figured it out]
Gil: Animal Planet.
[GRISSOM turns and walks down the hallway]
Nick: [calls out] How come when you talk about bugs everyone says you're a genius but when I talk about birds everyone says I watch too much television?
Gil: I don't know. Look, the next night of the pifflings you get the first dead body.

Nick: [In class, Grissom has learned through Langston where to find a DJK victim. Grissom is out with the CSI team in the area where they were told to look] There's ten stab wounds.
Captain: [to Grissom] Guess you won't be leaving just yet.

Nick: [to phone] Did you get his autograph for me?
Captain: [to phone] You know, actually I did, and if you get me a match, you might be able to meet him at his trial.
Nick: Do you think that would make his autograph worth more? Or less?

Catherine: [to Nick] What's going on with you?
Nick: I'm on a case.
Catherine: We're on a case.
Nick: Right.

Nick: This is total BS!
Gil: Nick...
Nick: There was blood on Havilin's hand!
Gil: Nick, go get a soda.

Cassie: [Nick and Cassie are alone in Cassie's hospital room; Cassie has a small notebook in her hands; Cassie writes in the notebook] Where is my family?
Nick: They're in Vegas.
Cassie: [writes in the notebook] I'm ten years old. Don't baby me!
Cassie: The bodies are in the coroner's office, honey.

Catherine: So I've got the phone, a key, but no purse.
Nick: Mugging?
Catherine: Take the purse, leave the Lex?

D.B. Russell: D'ya ever read "The Lady in Cement"?
Nick: What do you think?
D.B. Russell: Great book, so-so movie. Frank Frank Sinatra, Raquel Welch, mob hit, they fitted the lady with cement shoes and threw her in the ocean.

Sara: You know the average Nevadan generates more waste more than three times waste than the average American?
Nick: Yeah, well, that's tourist trash.
Sara: Thirteen million pounds per day. I went to the recycling forum in March.

Gil: Simba's mold's still damp, but you can see it's a perfect match to the bite mark on the jogger.
Nick: Does this mean Simba's going to the big dog pound in the sky?
Gil: No. We need to build some more evidence.

Nick: Partying like there was no tomorrow. Unfortunately for her, she was right

Nick: Beans and franks, this one's a man.

Riley: So what does that means, that the killer is using some sort of gas chamber?
Gil: I think so. He lures someone back to his place, slips them in secret, then redresses in position the bodies inside a ceiled container. Waits for the carbon monoxyde to goes up, once the bodies are in full rigor he's got about 10 hours to place them, and have them discovered.
Nick: Now that we know the recipe let's find the cook.

Gil: [to Nick, looking at a dead body at the top of a palm tree] Want to get high?
Nick: Do I have to?

Sara: [looking at the pigs] I think the fat one likes you.
Nick: They always do.

Nick: "You'd think she'd know better than to wear white on the bride's big day." The perfume of American beauties was everywhere, though a rose by any other name would have smelled just as sweet with that much love in the air.

Nick: [after the body of a deceased woman is found in a storage unit] Catherine.
Catherine: Yeah?
Nick: What do you think went on here?
Catherine: Someone outsourced their health care to the wrong provider.

[Nick asks for Hodges' help going through a box of old evidence that has been contaminated by rats]
David: Are you familiar with the hantavirus? Carried by rodents, transmitted to humans when they inhale vapors from contaminated urine, saliva, or feces. That crap will kill you!
Nick: Hodges, glove up.
David: If I start leaking blood from my eyeballs, I'm blaming you.

Nick: I collected these matchbooks from the pyromaniac's house who was... kind of hot, actually.
Greg: Really? You dig chicks who dig fire?

Hodges: [after Sara has just completed an explanation on a bug] Since when did you become an insects expert?
Sara: Entymology textbook. Grissom gave it to me last Christmas. When I can't sleep, I read.
Nick: [smirking] Funny, I didn't get a Christmas gift from Grissom...
[turns to Hodges]
Nick: Did you...?
Hodges: [also smirking] No...
[Sara gives them both a weird look]

Riley: [Seeing a picture of the victim's wife on the bedside table] Justine supersized herself. Double D implants.
Nick: Welcome to Vegas.

Catherine: [Nick is suspected of murdering Kristy] I think we'd better head over to the police station.
Nick: DNA didn't pan out huh?
Catherine: Never have I seen such a clean match. Jack Willman killed her.
Nick: Thank you.
Catherine: Hey, I'm just doing my job. Besides if they'd sent you to jail I'd get stuck with all your cases.

Greg: It's not real sand. It's finely crushed granite.
Nick: What does that mean?
Gil: It means she wasn't killed in Hawaii. Other than that, he has no idea.

Greg: 99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer. You swab one down and run it through CODIS, 98 bottles of beer on the wall.
Nick: What ever happened to 'take one down pass it around'? That's the best part.
Greg: You know, us labrats have to do something to get through the day.

Sara: We were just talking about murder and whether we would commit it. I couldn't, Warrick could and Nick's on the fence. We're taking an exit poll.
Nick: Catherine, you're a mother. You and Lindsey are on that plane. How far do you go?
Catherine: All the way.
Sara: [surprised] You didn't even hesitate.
Catherine: That's right. If it involves the protection of my child I fight to the death.
Warrick: See? We have four people here, all with different opinions. Think of how the passengers must have felt.
Sara: What do you think, Grissom?
Gil: I can't answer that question.
Catherine: That's a cop-out. It's a simple question. What would you have done if you had been one of those passengers?
Gil: It's not about that. You all have different opinions but you've taken the same point of view. You've put yourself in the shoes of the passengers, but nobody's put themselves in the shoes of the victim. That's the point.
Sara: I'm sorry. What are you saying?
Gil: Nobody stopped to ask Candlewell if he was all right. They just assumed, because he was kicking the back of Nate's seat, that he was a jerk - because he was pushing his call button that he was bothering the Flight Attendant - because he was trying to get into the lavatory he was making a scene - because he was going back and forth up and down the aisles, he was posing a threat.
Catherine: He was a threat.
Gil: No. He turned into a threat. It didn't have to be that way. People make assumptions. That's the problem. You just did. And I think these passengers made the wrong assumption and now this guy's dead.
Warrick: Well, if that's your stance how could it have been prevented?
Gil: If just one person had stopped and taken the time to look at the guy, to listen to him, to figure out what was wrong with him it might not have happened. It took five people to kill him. It would've only taken one person to save his life.

Gil: I just got a page from James Watson.
Nick: And I got one from Francis Crick. What's going on, Greg?
Greg: Well, as you both know, Watson and Crick are the granddaddies of DNA. Without their discoveries, I'd have nothing to do all day.
Nick: What have you been doing all day?

Gil: I found a thriving miniature hobbyist community on-line. Sites where people meet, chat, exchange building tips, list stores they shop in.
Nick: [looking at the miniature of Grissom's office] So that's why you built this thing? I mean... other then to creep us all out?

Nick: [to Catherine] Quick. How many teeth in the human mouth?
Catherine: Without wisdoms? 28.
Nick: Yep, and the 28 teeth in Becky's mouth do not match the bite impressions on her husband's body.
Catherine: I guess Ray found himself another set of pearly whites.

Nick: Hypertrix? Sounds like a breakfast cereal.

Nick: That's the funny thing about choices. Once you make them, you have to live with them.

Nick: Now, "y'all" is plural. Believe me, I used the word a lot.

Gil: You told me you weren't dating her.
Nick: I wasn't. Till last night.

CSI Dr. Gil Grissom: Nick.
Nick: [turns around] Yo.
[sees the soda bottles]
Nick: No, thanks, I'm an iced tea man.
CSI Dr. Gil Grissom: It's not a refreshment. It's an experiment. Take this to the lab in a controlled space, 72 degrees Fahrenheit and open it. Keep this in the same room-temp space.
Nick: Okay, then what?
CSI Dr. Gil Grissom: Process, Nick. Process.

D.B. Russell: [a drop of fluid falls from a sculpture and lands in a cup on the floor] Nice catch.
Nick: Definitely human. Think there's a real arm in there?
D.B. Russell: [sculpture price tag reads "Cement and Metal $2200"] At these prices, I'm thinking an arm and a leg.

Warrick: [while Nick and Warrick are searching the park where the jogger's body was discovered and it starts to rain] This sucks! But it's evidence, right?
Nick: No, hair and fiber is evidence, Warrick. This is combat duty.
Warrick: [as he sees something on the ground] Yeah, it's somebody's "doody."

Nick: I found tan fibers on his boxers.
Dr. Al Robbins: You, too, huh? His body's covered in them.
Nick: Fibers on his body and his underwear, but not on his shirt and pants. Why?
Dr. Al Robbins: Well, maybe it was as simple as he wasn't wearing his shirt and pants.
Nick: Okay, then at some point, he was with his shrink in his underwear.
Dr. Al Robbins: Exactly what kind of therapy was this?

[first lines]
Nick: Drop your weapon!

Gil: [to Nick] It'll be back to normal in 24 hours.
Nick: Normal would be nice.

Nick: [after Nick discovers a knife in Russel Caris' car] Why wouldn't he have thrown that knife away? He's not smart.
Al: [laughs] This is natural selection. The dumb ones die.

Nick: Dr. Ray.
Dr. Raymond Langston: Yeah?
Nick: You got your phone?
Dr. Raymond Langston: [pulling his phone out of his pocket] Yeah, yeah. Right here.
Nick: Did you forget how to use it? You were non-responsive. I thought you were in trouble, man. Don't scare me like that.
Dr. Raymond Langston: I'm sorry.
Nick: That's okay, but if y-you really want to hide out, you gotta ditch the department cell. They all have GPS. What are you doing out here?
Dr. Raymond Langston: [showing Nick a photograph] That's what I'm doing out here.
Nick: Madeline Briggs?
Dr. Raymond Langston: Madeline Briggs, yeah.
Nick: You've been back for ten days. Is this what you've been doing every night? I thought the trail went cold in New York.
Dr. Raymond Langston: It did. This picture was taken a week ago Pecos Bill Casino. Security trespassed her off the property for soliciting. She's here, Nick. She's hooking.

Catherine: D.A. just got the call. Tom's manager hired Marjorie Westcott to defend him.
Nick: Soundbite Westcott?
Catherine: Guilty, rich client, high-profile case it's right up her alley. Publicity for her new cable show.
Gil: Forget about who's involved. We do this like we do any other case.

Nick: Ma'am, I'm gonna need to get your prints, too.
Cody: I don't like where this is going.
Captain: It's going downtown.

Hodges: [on seeing Nick's shirt covered in blood] Have you been shaving with a broken beer bottle?
Nick: No, no. Some drunk driver ran into a radio car at my crime scene, freaking idiot.
Hodges: Yeah, I heard you pulled the freaking idiot's friend out of a burning car.
Nick: Nothing was on fire, and I didn't pull anybody from anywhere.
Hodges: Ah, so humble. You know some people are just destined for greatness.

Dr. Leigh Sapien: Look, I don't know the basis of your allegations, but I have never crossed the line with a patient.
Nick: That's not what your rap sheet says.
Dr. Leigh Sapien: Rap sheet?
Catherine: Sex with an underage patient.
Dr. Leigh Sapien: I was a resident. He was 17. We were in... look, no criminal charges were filed. It should have been expunged from my record.
Catherine: It doesn't make you any less guilty.
Dr. Leigh Sapien: Lady, I'm not a saint, but I am not a killer or a child molester.

Catherine: [to Nick] You're confronting suspects before the evidence is processed, you're flying solo, cutting me out. What's going on?
Nick: Okay. There are some people you're supposed to be able to trust, you know? I was nine and she was a last-minute baby-sitter.
[Catherine looks stunned]
Nick: All I can remember doing afterwards is sitting in my room in the dark, staring at the door waiting for my mom to get home, but I've never told anyone before.
Catherine: I'm sorry.
Nick: It's what makes a person, I guess. I'm sorry, Catherine.
[walks away]

Nick: Come for the wedding, stay for the funeral.

Nick: [watching Greg page through a book] I always thought you kept your porn in there.
Greg: I move it around.

Sara: I need your hands.
Nick: I thought you'd never ask.

Nick: Warrick couldn't investigate Gedda himself, so he had the P.I do it for him. Archie tracked down thousands of photos, soundbyte files, videos. Everything's connected to Lou Gedda. I think Gedda caught Harper spying on him, killed him and had the mortician put the body in the double-decker casket.
Gil: [dials Warrick's phone, but it goes straight to voicemail] Warrick, call me. Now!
[hangs up the phone and turns to Nick]
Gil: Anybody hears from him, I wanna know.

Warrick: You know, Tina doesn't like me carrying a gun. I play down the fact that I'm a cop when I'm with her anyway.
Nick: Yeah, yeah, you play the scientist card: You're a "copologist".

Nick: [about lab resutls] Are you sure about this?
Hodges: I just finished a diabolical sudoku in six minutes flat. I'm positive.

Nick: Poor guy! Died twice!

Sara: Hi.
Nick: Hey.
Sara: What are you doing?
Nick: Well, I read about this farmer in Canada who killed a bunch of women and fed them to his pigs.
Sara: Oh.
Nick: Yeah, their health department had to put out a bulletin that said "Warning, your pork may be contaminated with human."
Sara: I'm so glad I'm a vegetarian.

David: Ah, teen lust. It's starts with some chemistry, mess around with some biology.
[Nick and Sara give each other looks]
David: And once you have some experience under your belt then you introduce the physics. Apparently chivalry is not dead. The bloody fingerprint tested positive for nonoxynol spermicide.
Nick: So much for the boyfriend.
Sara: If we can't pin this on Hannah or Marlon, they could both walk.
David: You could flip a coin.

Nick: Hey, Catherine, say, "Silk, silk, silk."
Catherine: Silk, silk, silk.
Nick: What do cows drink?
Catherine: Water. Why?
Nick: [after a disappointed pause] Never mind...

Nick: You know what Grissom would say about this?
David: Something ironic, no doubt.

Nick: Shut up. She was not.
Warrick: I saw her in action.
Nick: Really?
Warrick: Yeah, she was.
Nick: Catherine?
Catherine: I was what?
Warrick: I was just telling Nick how you were a big bully in high school.
Catherine: A bully? All right, I guess I was. But, I mean, not the kind that people want to take a gun out and shoot.
Warrick: No.
Nick: No, no. You were the kind that guys fall all over themselves trying to impress.
Catherine: Like you, Nick, huh? Oh, Nick... what were you in high school?
Nick: Me? I was, uh... I was "dependable".
Catherine: Dependable.
Nick: Mmhmm.
Catherine: Dependable jock, dependable stoner?
Nick: No. Never a strap, never a smoker. Just all-around "dependable" guy, I guess.
Warrick: Cath laughs. right before Sara walks into the break room: What Nick's trying to say he was unpopular.
Nick: pointing at Warrick for emphasis: No, no I'll tell you what I wasn't; I wasn't a Mac Daddy wannabe with a 'Members Only' jacket.
Warrick: What's wrong with those Member's Only jackets? They were kinda cool back in the day.
Sara: Nick, Ronny's got something on Liquid Man, says it's hot.
Nick: Great.
Warrick: Hey Sara, what were you in high school?
Sara: Nick walks past her and sniffs: Science nerd.
Nick: whispers: You changed? But you still smell. Let's go.

Nick: So, someone turned the mass murderer into a murder weapon

Nick: You know what a good defence lawyer's gonna say about all this?
Catherine: What?
Nick: The lawn chair did it.

Nick: [interviewing a bartender in alien makeup] Well, there's nothing worse than a bunch of drunk conventioners. Must be hard enough to sling drinks without making you play dress-up.
William: [removes his alien headpiece to reveal extensive facial scarring] How do you like this makeup? Got it on my second tour of Afghanistan. These Astro Questers, they believe in a future where human beings, they transcend their differences. I wouldn't mind living in a world like that.
Nick: [chastened] Yeah, me either.

Nick: Who puts the Bat-gates in?
Gil: Batman.

Nick: [to Jesse Overton] There's no smoking in here.
Jesse: Sharon Stone. "Basic Instinct," dude.
Nick: And I'm not your dude. This ain't a movie and Sharon Stone's fine. Let's go.

[Last lines]
Nick: Now that's what the physical evidence was telling us we should have dug deeper! You can't just ignore the human element Grissom.
C.S.I. Night Shift Supervisor Dr. Gil Grissom: I agree Nick. But when you start to have feelings for the people involved, you risk your objectivity.
Nick: So what? You know I'm risking criticizes empathizing with the victims and their families but that's who I am, that's how I do my job. As far as the promotion goes it's all good man, I can do without it. I'm not you.
C.S.I. Night Shift Supervisor Dr. Gil Grissom: Good. We sure don't need another me around here.

Nick: [shows Greg a picture of a male rap singer in a bikini] I'm gussing this is not his next album cover.
Greg: I hope not.

Nick: [after accidentally breaking a valuable sword] I was being careful, I swear!

Sara: Why do we always eat here?
Greg: Open 24 hours.
Sara: Everything in Vegas is open 24 hours.
Greg: It's tradition
Nick: [walks in from car] Mmmm. Smells like bacon. Slide over.
[sits down]
Nick: That scene took forever. We were there, like what, 9 hours.
Sara: 11.
Greg: Dead laywer and 200 eyewitnesses? That's gonna take a while.
Nick: [nods] Why do we always eat here?
Greg: [smiling] It's tradition.
Sara: Ah, tradition. Like becoming a property exchange between your father and your husband.

Rick: Cody's in bed every night at 10:00. He gets up at 5:00 to go running.
Nick: Except for the nights he's with the team pulling a train on a hooker.

Officer: Anonymous 911 caller reported body parts in this area. I rolled and found this.
[shows some insides in a bloody puddle]
Nick: Hm. Tasty.

Catherine: [loud music blaring from Thumpy G's car] Hey! You deaf?
Thumpy: Thanks a lot. What's up? I'm Thumpy G.
Catherine: A jackhammer is about 50 decibels quieter.
Thumpy: Y'know, the only way to beat a jackhammer is to bust 15,000 watts of Run-DMC's "Dumb Girl," or, or LL Cool J's "Going Back To Cali?"
[from offscreen, a friend calls to him; Thumpy G answers]
Thumpy: What up, dog?
Catherine: Yo, Thumpy, you blow out a lot of eardrums?
Thumpy: Try to.
Detective: You know this cat, Jace Felder?
[shows Thumpy G photo]
Thumpy: Negative!
[is distracted by a girl walking by offscreen]
Thumpy: Hey, what's up, baby?
[eyes follow the girl as she walks away]
Catherine: Hey, Thumper! How about we impound your car, seize your stereo system, and charge you with disturbing the peace?
Thumpy: Oh, but it's hot now, it's real hot. All right, you know, yo, it's coming back to me.
Nick: We're all ears.

Nick: [to Drops] So, who else would Dana go to for help?
[Drops doesn't answer him]
Nick: Zig-Zag doesn't seem to be a very big talker.
Drops: You're a lot funnier than I remember, Crime-Lab. You been going to cop comedy school?

Nick: Okay. One dead boss, three live employees. I like the odds.

David: Sometimes this job gets to me.
Nick: Yeah, me, too, buddy. Me, too.

Nick: Those Persian dudes are tough, man.
Dr. Raymond Langston: Well, they were once an empire that stretched half-way across the known world. The greek playwright, Aeschylus, wrote about the territorial ambitions of the Persian empire against Greece in his great cycle of tragedy and war "The Persians." Um - fifth century BC.
Riley: I will definitely put that on my reading list.
Nick: Um-hmm.
Riley: Does anybody wanna grab some breakfast?
Nick: Yeah. Yep.
Greg: Why are you always thinking about food?
Dr. Raymond Langston: None of you has read Aeschylus?
Nick: I've been meaning to.

Viva: There's a difference between a pyromaniac and an arsonist, you know?
Nick: What is the difference?

Nick: Well, it doesn't look like he is going to make that 3.10 train to Yuma, he super Greg?
Greg: Let's say he has caught his last ride

[the team are re-enacting a fight on a plane; Warrick and Nick play a married couple]
Warrick: [to Nick] Go protect me, honey.
Nick: [while moving to the aisle] Excuse me... buttercup.

[Nick is looking for a victim's severed head]
Gil: Hey Nick!
Nick: Yeah?
Gil: I think I found a toupee. Our vic may be bald.
Nick: Thanks. That will help me distinguish it from the other severed heads I find out here.

[after finding $100 bills in a beaver dam]
Nick: Las Vegas, where even a beaver can strike it rich.

Sara: Soup?
Nick: Human... soup. Well, we are 73.5% liquid, eh, Dave?
David: Add some bacteria, a couple gases, and... voila!

Greg: Looks like our vic was in a goth band. You know, I used to be goth.
Nick: Mh-hmm.
Greg: Yeah, the goth-thing was just an act. Chicks dug it.
Nick: How does that work?
Greg: You act depressed to get chicks, you get depressed chicks.

Nick: [in the lab, looking at an object from the landfill] Found a pregnancy test. Better luck next time.
[sets it aside]

Nick: [Nick and David Phillips are in a motel room with a dead body. The room reeks of decomp but the body hasn't been dead that long and no one can figure out where the smell is coming from] It's the immaculate decomposition.

Night: Look, I was just doing my job.
Nick: Hey... treating another human being like garbage is not a job. It's a choice.

Nick: You know, when I was 16, I begged my mom for a car. Swore she'd come through.
Sara: What happened?
Nick: Encyclopedia Britannica.

Nick: [holding a pair of excised butt implants] Y'know, I spent twelve hours on a court bench last week - I coulda used a pair of these bad boys.

Nick: There's a sucker born every minute.
Gil: Yep. And they all come to Vegas.

Nick: Guy died for small bills, beef jerky and a porno.
Riley: Hard up, hungry *and* dumb. It's no way to go through life.

Nick: [after a successful lab test with Greg] And that's what turns an accident into murder!

Cole: Man, there has been an ass whoppin' on every block!
Nick: There's about to be an ass whoppin' on this one

Mandy: Twelve year old killer, huh?
Nick: Starting to look that way.
Mandy: I bet that Grand Theft Auto had something to do with it.
Nick: Mmm, I don't know, I don't think Hannah is the video game type.
Mandy: You never know. Between you and me, I actually think it's a ton of fun.

Nick: How come when you talk about bugs, everyone thinks you're a genius, but when I talk about birds, everyone says I watch too much television?
[pause]
Gil: I don't know.

Nick: [pointing to his fingers] Want my theory? This little piggy went to market, this little piggy went home, and this little piggy had China.

Gil: Repeat after me. Silk, silk, silk.
Nick: Silk, silk, silk.
Gil: What do cows drink?
Nick: Milk.
Gil: Cows drink water. They give milk.

Captain: He'll only talk to one person
Nick: Who?
David: Me? Last time I saw him, I scared him!
Morgan: He said he wanna to talk to, and I quote: 'The Funny Science Man'
David: A compliment, I suppose

Nick: So, can you tell me where the sand came from?
Greg: I might have to do some field research to find out. You think Grissom would send me to Hawaii?

Sara: I bet you really liked high school.
Nick: Yeah. Playin' football, chasin' girls, books when I wanted to learn somethin', what's not to like?

Drops: [about Dana Espinosa] No, this is the kind of girl you have to find in person.
Nick: Then give us some addresses.
Drops: What are you going to do? MapQuest her ass? That's not going to work. There's only one way to find this girl. Let me out.
[Brass laughs]
Drops: No, for real. I mean, I can have her to you today.
Nick: You think we can just pop you out of jail?
Drops: Yeah. Like "48 Hours." You know, the flick. Nolte busts Eddie out of jail. They get the bad guy. Everything's cool.
Nick: You think this is a joke, man? Dead bodies are piling up around your new family. Now, that would worry me.

[Nick & Warrick walk towards Greg from behind, both talking loud]
Nick: I thought Greg was in the field. Is he back in the lab?
Warrick: I don't know.
Nick: We've got to clear this up. It's like he's confused. Lab, field, field, lab. We have a lab on wheels.
Greg: How about you guys just shut up, all right? I'm doing this as a favor for Ecklie. It's a one-time thing. He's still interviewing lab techs.
Warrick: You're making overtime?
Greg: I'm taking one for the team.

Nick: You really think Erin knew she was pregnant? I mean, six weeks?
Catherine: Twenty-year-old girl, living at home? She would have taken a test if she was five seconds late - panic city.
Nick: Yeah. Brass talked to her parents. There was no guy in her life.
Catherine: Well, it's not immaculate conception. If the guy was Mr. Right she would have told her folks. Which means he was Mr. Wrong. Maybe Mr. Married.

Nick: Too bad for him, the hero only wins in comic books

Nick: How can anyone live like this?
Sara: I think someone died like this.

Al: Whoever removed this guy's organs knew how to handle one.
Nick: So a dog killed him, then someone came along and cut him up.
Gil: Someone with two legs and a medical degree.

[Looking for clues in a messy trailer]
Nick: People are pigs.
Gil: Don't insult the pigs, Nick. They're actually very clean.

Nick: [about Mark Young] This was an accident, Sara. He was trying to save her.
Sara: That's a great theory, but we can't prove that.
Nick: Twenty-six feet under with a busted eardrum? If not to save her, why dive that deep?
Sara: I don't know. Case is over.
Nick: Almost over.

Catherine: So what were you in high school, Nick?
Nick: Me? I was... dependable.
Catherine: Dependable?
Warrick: He's trying to say he was unpopular.

Catherine: Oh, and Nick?
Nick: Yeah?
Catherine: When you find the car...
Nick: Yeah, I know, check the trunk.

Nick: Crime scene this messy, gotta bust out the big guns.

Nick: Hey.
Sara: [lively] Hey.
Nick: Wow, you look...
Sara: Happy?
Nick: Smug, acually.

Nick: [a car had swerved into the path of Nick while he was driving with Henry, Hodges and Greg causing Nick to wreck the car, subsequently flipping it several times before it comes to a stop. Everyone gets out of the car and is staring at it] Damn. I rolled that bad boy, didn't I?

Greg: Normally I don't like to speak ill of the dead, but, uh, Mr. Newman's sperm had company. Bad company.
[hands Grissom the DNA test results]
Greg: Look at D-7. Three alleles.
Gil: Genetics only gives you one from each parent.
Greg: Which can only mean one thing: menage d'allele.
Nick: She was cheating on her husband.

Anders: It was merely a game. An entertainment.
Nick: Nah, it's more like a place where you can play God, right? Maybe treat people the way you wish you could treat them in real life?
Detective: Virtual murder is not quite as satisfying as the real thing, is it?

Nick: [Archie was talking to Nick about a Star Trek episode] You need a girlfriend.
Archie: You first.

Nick: [to Drops] Okay, now, I need you to remove all of your clothing, including your shoes.
[gives Drops some orange scrubs for him to wear]
Nick: You can put these on for now and I'll come back to get them when you're done.
Drops: No, thanks. Uh, I got one of my queens bringing me a suit. I will not be throwing on these nasty ass scrubs.
Nick: You are covered in blood. Your clothes are evidence now and I'm going to come back in here and I'm going to get them. If not, you're just going to be standing here in your underwear.
Drops: What underwear? I don't wear drawers.
Nick: This is not a compromise, Kellen.
[grabs his kit and things off the table and heads for the door; to Officer Mitchell]
Nick: You might want to close your eyes or turn around or something.