The Best Douglass Dumbrille Quotes

Mr. Halpert: Well, where is it?
Salvadore: What?
Mr. Halpert: This wonderful item that I'm supposed to purchase.
Salvadore: Well, you're lookin' at it.
Mr. Halpert: I'm looking at it?
Salvadore: Yeah, it's youth. That's what I want to sell you.
Mr. Halpert: Youth that comes in bot...?
[pushing him out]
Mr. Halpert: Come on, get out of here.
Salvadore: No. Wait a minute, wait a minute. Look, I read in the paper that you're 72 years old, right? I'm 26. Now, what would you give to be 26 years old again, hmm?
Mr. Halpert: I think you're the kookiest kid they ever turned loose on the streets.

Doug: I've checked every source I know. There just isn't much on Mr. Clampett.
Tracy: Well I don't need much to ruin him. What clubs does he belong to?
Doug: None.
Tracy: What corporations is he connected with?
Doug: None.
Tracy: Well he must do something.
Doug: He whittles a lot.

Doug: Miss Richards is buying the house.
[hands a tip to Jed, Granny, and Elly May and leaves]
Elly: Ten, twenty, thirty dollars.
Daisy: Is this all they're offering for the place?
Jed: I don't hardly think so. I don't know what we paid for it but I believe that it would top this.

Salvadore: How much would you give to be 26 years old again? How much?
[Halpert just looks at him]
Salvadore: Well, come on, how much? Um - a million bucks?
Mr. Halpert: [a little amused] All right, let's say a million dollars.
Salvadore: And what about this pad - you own it?
Mr. Halpert: Yes, I own it.
Salvadore: Do you throw that in as part of the deal?
Mr. Halpert: How do you propose to deliver these years you rave about?
Salvadore: I'm gonna sell you *my* years.
Mr. Halpert: [laughs out loud] All right, I'll tell you what you do. You wrap the years up and mail them to me, huh?
[shows Sal to the door]
Salvadore: But, now, wait a minute, how about the pad? Is that gonna be part of the deal?
Mr. Halpert: Yes, I'll make it part of the deal. I wouldn't think of taking your years for anything less than they're worth.
Salvadore: [excited] Oh man, a million bucks and this pad. You just bought yourself 46 years, Mr. Halpert.
Mr. Halpert: I'm sure I did, boy.
Salvadore: No, you're not sure. But you got a big surprise in store.
Mr. Halpert: [laughing out loud] Go on, get out of here.
[pushes him out the door]