30 Best Duel Quotes
David: Okay, let's see you catch me now. Here we go!
David: [while talking on phone] No, that's *two* Ns!
David: Where's the summit? Please... please... COME OOOOON!
Lady: [after the truck begins destroying Sally's Snakearama] Why'd he do that? Why'd he break my cages?
Lady: [to David Mann] Take a look at my snakes if you have time.
David: How did he go so fast?
Gas: Yes sir, whatever you want, I got it. What do you want?
David: Fill it with Ethyl.
Gas: If Ethyl don't mind.
Lady: [after the truck smashes the cages] My snakes! I've gotta find my snakes!
David: [after the truck smashes the phone booth] Lady, you have got to call the police!
Lady: With what? That's the only phone I got!
Cafe: [as David Mann exits cafe restroom and enters dining area] Are you all right?
David: Yeah, I'm fine.
Cafe: What happened out there?
David: Oh, just a slight complication.
Cafe: Oh? Looked like a big complication to me!
[Cafe patrons laugh. Mann gives an irritated look]
David: Oh, my God. Come on, faster. Oh, my God. Come on! Come on. Please. Come on. Come on, car!.Come on, let's go! Come on!
David: Come on you miserable fat-head, get that fat-ass truck outta my way!
David: [on the phone] Honey, I said there probably won't be a problem.
Mrs. Mann: Well, just be on time, okay?
David: Alright! Okay, I'll be there.
Mrs. Mann: [on the phone] You said there would be no problem about getting home on time.
David: There probably won't be!
David: That truck driver's crazy, he's been trying to kill me, I mean it!
Bus: Well, mister, if I was to vote on who's crazy around here, it'd be you.
David: There you are, right back in the jungle again.
David: [Mann sarcastically imitating wife's voice] Well dear, did you have a nice trip?
[Mann responding]
David: Uh, no, no... Just the... just the same old thing... o-boy, o-boy, o-boy...
David: I'd like to report a truck driver who's been endangering my life.
David: You never know. You just never know. You just go along figuring some things don't change - like being able to drive on a public highway without somebody trying to murder you. And then one stupid thing happens - 20-25 minutes out of your whole life - and all the ropes that kept you hanging in there get cut loose. And it's like there you are - right back in the jungle again. All right, boy, it was a nightmare but it's over now. It's all over.
Gas: Looks like you could use a new radiator hose.
David: [muttering to himself] Yeah, where have I heard that before?
[to the attendant]
David: I'll get one later, thanks.
Gas: You're the boss.
David: Not in *my* house, I'm not.
David: You miserable... Okay, okay. You want to play games?
Old: [after David Mann's car crashes into a fence] You all right, Mister?
David: [meekly] Yeah. Yeah, except - Oh, my neck.
David: Do you have a men's room?
Cafe: Yeah. Through the door, ON THE RIGHT! Down the hall. Take a left. Second door.
David: [When the truck lets him pass it] It's about time, Charlie!
David: [David Mann mistakenly thinks that the man eating a sandwich in the cafe is the truck driver harassing him] Look, uh... I want you to cut it out.
Man: [bites into sandwich, chewing] Wha?
David: Just... just cut it out, okay?
Man: [bites into sandwich again, chewing] Cut what out?
David: Now come on, let's uh... let's not play games.
Man: What the hell you talkin' about?
David: I can call the police.
Man: [stops eating, looks suprised] Police?
David: You think that I won't? You're wrong, mister. I mean if you think you can just... just take that... that truck of yours and use it as a murder weapon and uh... killin' people on the highway... you're wrong! You got another thing comin'!
Man: [shakes head, fed up] Man, you need help.
David: [Mann slaps the sandwich out of his hand] Don't you tell me I need *help*!
Man: [punches Mann in the stomach]
Cafe: [piercing, nasal voice] Heeeeeey!
David: Well it's about time, Charlie!
Old Woman in Car: JEE-IMMM!
[first lines]
[radio playing, driving down the road, approaches the truck]
[David coughs, coughs again]
David: Talk about pollution.
David: Great. I'm never goona make it to that appointment now!
Caller: I would like some information. I'm filling out my Census form right now and I have an awful problem and I was wondering can somebody help me.
Census: Go ahead.
Caller: Thank - oh - you're going to answer my question?
Census: Yes.
Caller: Oh, good. Well, first of all, I want to say, uh, I don't mind being counted as an American, I'm one of the silent majority, but I wish you had made some of those questions multiple choice. Now, the question was, um, are you the head of a family? Well, quite frankly, eh, the day I married that woman that, unfortunately, I've been married to for the last 25 years...
Census: Oh.
Caller: Well, it's true. I lost the position as head of the family. You see, what I do, I stay home - I hate working, I hate going out and seeing people and being involved in the rat race and things like that. So, she works and I do the housework and take care of the babies and things like that. And so, I was wondering if you wanted honest answers. Now, what I did, I penciled in all of the marks that you wanted - eh, you wanted marks in these circles here that I see in front of me. Now, I penciled it in first and I said, no, that's being dishonest, I'm really *not* the head of the family and yet I'm the man of the family.