Top 20 Quotes From Eli 'Weevil' Navarro

Cyrus: Hot damn, I'm back in business. What would I do if you ever left me?
Eli: Call human resources and have them send a replacement?

Veronica: You seen Thumper lately, Weevil? It's just, nobody's heard from him in weeks. If he doesn't show up soon, he's going to miss prom.
Eli: I'm sure he's crushed.

Weevil: Hey, you want a sody-pop?
Veronica: Actually, I think I want something with a little more kick.
[grabs Duncan's whiskey bottle and starts chugging it]
Veronica: Hmm, iced tea. How very musical theater of you.

Cindy: If I get you an A, will you shiv him?
[Points backwards at Beaver]
Eli: Hey! I got an idea. How 'bout you two geniuses go work out your aggression in some cloakroom then come back here and teach me algebra, huh?

Weevil: So that, uh, surveillance tape just... poof?
Veronica: That's fortunate.

Keith: Eli.
Weevil: Sheriff.

Eli: If you're looking for my trophy, it's back by auto shop.
Veronica: A lube job? Or can you medal in stealing hubcaps?
Eli: Is this 1970? Rims, baby!
Veronica: So you got a trophy for a rim job?

Eli: [to Logan about coming to his house for the poker game] I'm the one who's gotta go up into the hills all by myself. What if I run into a pack of your white boys, huh, on some clean, well lit street? I could be bored to death.

Weevil: No more favors for you. Now I gotta feel bad for this kid.
Veronica: If it's any consolation, I hate myself.

Bookish: [Weevil has just finished repairing a TA's thermostat] Thank you so much!
Eli: No problem, and the next time I need some literature compared, I know you'll be there for me.

Veronica: Weevil you're wobbling.
Eli: Yeah, and I'm gonna take the fall.

Mr. Tom Daniels: [walk in to find Weevil and Logan playing cards] Is this Reno or detention?
Logan: Can you believe the best of both.
Weevil: [Daniels takes away their cards] Oh, come on, man.
Logan: What the hell, we were playing a game here.
Mr. Tom Daniels: This is punishment gentlemen, not party time.
Logan: Well, that would explain the absence of balloon animals.

Eli: [to his boss] I guess I'll go wash some spoiled bitch's graduation gift from daddy, huh?
Veronica: I'm not spoiled, and technically, it wasn't for graduation.
Eli: What about the bitch part?

Weevil: [Threatening] Say you're sorry.
Logan: Rub a lamp.

Eli: So, I came in at around seven. First, I thought he just had a bender and fell asleep at his desk, but then I saw blood... and the note.
Keith: A note?
Eli: Yeah, on the computer. He had a memo on the screen, saying, "Goodbye, cruel world zzzz." I guess his head fell on the Z. It's a shame, man. He was pretty cool... for a weird, old, white dude.

Logan: It's a kind, gentler Weevil.
Eli: It's Christmas, even for delivery guys.
Logan: Pa-rum-pum-pum.

Eli: We can't all be like you: practically perfect in every way.
Veronica: Sure you can. It's easy. First, stop working on behalf of the richest asshole in Neptune in a plot to drive you and your people out of town. Sorry, does the truth hurt? You need a spoonful of sugar to make that medicine go down?

Weevil: All right, all right, all right. Felix, we get it. You're a badass, okay? But for once, don't be stupid.

Wanna: You got the stuff in yet? I'm, like, wondering if I need to take my business elsewhere.
Eli: What stuff?
Wanna: I, uh, ordered an eight ball?
Eli: Coke? Who am I, John DeLorean?
[Weevil looks around and lowers his voice]
Eli: I never sold coke to you, man.
[Weevil grabs the boy's shirt and rips it open to see if he's bugged]
Wanna: Hey, this is a $200 shirt, man!
Eli: Really? Missing some buttons.

Weevil: Sister, the only time I care what a woman has to say is when she's riding my big old hog. But even then, it's not so much words - just a bunch of 'oohs' and 'aahs,' you know?
Veronica: So it's big, huh?
Weevil: Legendary.
Veronica: Well, let's see it. I mean, if it's as big as you say, I'll be your girlfriend.
[gasps]
Veronica: We could go to prom together! What? What seems to be the problem? I'm on a schedule here, vato.
Felix: Dude, Weevil, don't let blondie talk to you like that.
Veronica: Sounds like your buddy here wants to see it, too.
Felix: Oh hell, I'll show you mine!