The Best Frank Quotes

Frank: International treaty, all skeletons come from India.
Freddy: No kidding, how come?
Frank: How the hell do I know how come? The important question is, where do they get all the skeletons with perfect teeth?

[Frank shows Freddy a military drum with a dead zombie inside]
Freddy: Oh shit, look at that! You say that thing was alive?
Frank: So they say.
Freddy: Oh god. Hey, these things don't leak, do they?
Frank: Leak? Hell no. These things were made by the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers.
[Frank slaps the drum and gas starts leaking]
Frank: Oh fuck!

Frank: The army came in and closed it all off.
Freddy: So how come you know about it?
Frank: A typical army fuck up, the transportation department got the orders crossed. They sent those bodies here!

Burt: If that is a re-animated body, we're gonna have to kill it.
Freddy: How do you kill something that's already dead?
Burt: How do I know, Fred? Let me think!
Frank: It's not a bad question, Burt.

Freddy: What do doctors use to crack skulls with?
Frank: [miming a screwing motion] Surgical drills!

Frank: Watch your tongue, boy, if you like this job!
Freddy: Like this job?

Freddy: Frank?
Frank: Yeah, kid?
Freddy: What's the weirdest thing you ever saw in here?
Frank: Oh, kid, I have seen weird things come and I have seen weird things go. But the weirdest thing I ever saw just had to cap it all.
Freddy: Oh, yeah? What's that?
Frank: Let me ask you a question, kid. Did you see that movie, "Night of the Living Dead"?
Freddy: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's the one where the corpses start eating the people, right? Sure. Wh-what about it?
Frank: Did you know that movie was based on a true case?
Freddy: Come on, you're shitting me, right?
Frank: [raises right hand] I've never been more serious in my life.
Freddy: That's not possible. I mean, they showed zombies taking over the world.
Frank: They changed it all around. What really happened was back in 1969, in Pittsburgh, at the V.A. hospital, there was a chemical spill and all that stuff kinda leaked down into the morgue and it made all the dead bodies kinda jump around as though it was alive.
Freddy: What chemical?
Frank: 2-4-5 Trioxin, it's called. It was to kinda spray on marijuana or something. And the Darrow Chemical Company was trying to develop it for the Army. And they told the guy who made the movie that if he told the true story, they'd just sue his ass off. So he changed all the facts around.
Freddy: So what really happened?
Frank: Well, they closed it all down, see, and the Army shipped all that contaminated dirt and all those dead bodies out. And they kept it a secret.
Freddy: So how come you know about it?
Frank: A typical Army fuck up. The Transportation Department got the orders crossed, and they shipped those bodies here instead of to the Darrow Chemical Company.

Burt: You did what? You opened it? You stupid moron! You idiot! What's the matter with you Frank? Haven't I already told you never to even go near those goddamn tanks?
Frank: What are we gonna do, Burt?
Burt: I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to be sued by the Darrow Chemical Company. I might even be investigated by the government. I might become very famous. I might even lose my business. I might even go to jail, goddamn it! That's what I'm going to do!

Burt: I thought you said if we destroyed the brain, it'd die!
Frank: It worked in the movie!
Burt: Well, it ain't working now, Frank!
Freddy: You mean the movie lied?

Burt: One question, Frank: this guy screaming in here... you're sure he's a dead cadaver?
Frank: Why don't you open the door and find out!
Burt: [hesitates] Uh... no, that's allright Frank, I'll take your word for that.

Frank: Some big favor. I can operate that goddamn thing.

Frank: Let me ask you a question, kid: did you ever see that movie, "Night of the Living Dead"?
Freddy: Yeah, yeah, yeah - that's the one where the corpses start eating the people, right? What about it?
Frank: Did you know that story was based on a true case?
Freddy: [chuckles] Aw, c'mon, you're shitting me, right?
Frank: I ain't never been more serious in my life.