Top 50 Quotes From Gran Torino

Father: [eulogizing Walt] Walt Kowalski once said to me that I knew nothing about life or death, because I was an over-educated, 27-year-old virgin who held the hand of superstitious old women and promised them eternity.
[the congregation chuckles politely and somberly]
Father: Walt definitely had no problem calling it like he saw it. But he was right. I knew really nothing about life or death, until I got to know Walt... and boy, did I learn.

Walt: [to Father Janovich] I think you're an overeducated 27-year-old virgin who likes to hold the hands of superstitious old ladies and promise them everlasting life.

Walt: [about his son] I worked in Ford for 50 years and he sells Japanese cars.

Walt: You wanna know what it's like to kill a man? Well, it's goddamn awful, that's what it is. The only thing worse is getting a medal... for killing some poor kid that wanted to just give up, that's all. Yeah, some scared little gook just like you. I shot him in the face with that rifle you were holding in there a while ago. Not a day goes by that I don't think about it, and you don't want that on your soul.

Walt: Jesus, Joseph and Mary. These Hmong broads are like badgers.

Sue: There's a ton of food.
Walt: Yeah, well just keep your hands off my dog.
Sue: No worries, we only eat cats.

Walt: [Walt has just gotten Thao a job from his Irish friend] Come on, Zipperhead. We'll leave the mick here to play with himself.

Father: Why didn't you call the police?
Walt: Well you know, I prayed for them to come but nobody answered.

Walt: Oh, I've got one. A Mexican, a Jew, and a colored guy go into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "Get the fuck out of here."

Sue: All the people in this house are very traditional. Number one: never touch a Hmong person on the head. Not even a child. The Hmong people believe that the soul resides on the head, so don't do that.
Walt: Well... Sounds dumb, but fine.
Sue: Yeah, and a lot of Hmong people consider looking someone in the eye to be very rude! That's why they look away when you look at them.
Walt: Yeah. Anything else?
Sue: Yeah... some Hmong people tend to smile or grin, when they're yelled at. It's a cultural thing, it expresses embarrassment or insecurity. It's not that they're laughing at you or anything.
Walt: Right, you people are nuts.

Walt: Hey Kennedy: You drunken Irish goon, how the hell are ya?
Tim: I'm shitty, but who's gonna listen?
Walt: Not me, that's for sure
[Kowalski poors some coffee from Kennedy's coffee maker]
Tim: [Sarcastic] Oh, uh, help yourself there, Walt. You dumb Pollack.

Walt: I'm no hero. I was just trying to get that babbling gook off my lawn!

Walt: [Walt is trying to "man" up Thao] Now go out and talk to him, and it ain't rocket science for Christ's sake.
Thao: Yeah, but I don't have a job, a car, or a girlfriend.
Barber: Jesus. I shoulda blown his head off when I had the chance.
Walt: Yeah. Maybe so.

Duke: What you lookin' at, old man?
Walt: Ever notice how you come across somebody once in a while you shouldn't have fucked with? That's me.

Walt: I'll blow a hole in your face then go inside and sleep like a baby.

Walt: I used to stack fucks likes you five feet high in Korea... use ya for sand bags.

Walt: [Looking at the elderly Hmong woman next door] The old hag hates my guts!

Walt: [to Su] Get me another beer, Dragon Lady! This one's running on empty.

Walt: [aims gun at thug] Shut your fuckin' face!

Thao: [Walt's smoking] You should quit. Those things are bad for you.
Walt: Yeah? So's being in a gang.

[walking over to some black thugs]
Walt: What are you spooks up to?

Walt: I'm here for a confession.
Father: Oh, Lord Jesus what have you done?

Walt: Relax, Zipperhead.

Walt: Take these three items, some WD-40, a vise grip, and a roll of duct tape. Any man worth his salt can fix almost any problem with this stuff alone.

Walt: I once fixed a door that wasn't even broken yet.

Youa: You're funny.
Walt: I've been called a lot of things, but never funny.

Smokie: Are you fucking crazy? Go back in the house.
Walt: Yeah? I blow a hole in your face and then I go in the house... and I sleep like a baby. You can count on that. We used to stack fucks like you five feet high in Korea... use ya for sandbags.

Father: Go in peace.
Walt: Oh, I am at peace.

Walt: [to Father Janovich] The thing that haunts a guy is the stuff he wasn't ordered to do.

Father: What can I do for you Walt?
Walt: I'm here for confession.
Father: Holy Jesus, what did you do?

Walt: Now you just gotta learn how guys talk. You just listen to the way Martin and I banter it back and forth. You OK? You're ready?
Thao: Sir!
Walt: Alright let's go in...
Barber: Perfect! A Polak and AND a Chink!
Walt: How ya doing Martin, you crazy Italian prick?
Barber: Walts! You cheap bastard! I should have known you'd come in, I was having such a pleasant day!
Walt: What'd you do? You ruse some poor blind guy out of his money? Gave him the wrong change?
Barber: Who's the Nip?
Walt: Ohh... He's a pussy kid from next door. I'm trying to man him up a little bit... You see kid, now that's how guys talk to one another.
Thao: They do?
Barber: What, you got shit on your ribs?
Walt: Now you go out and come back in and talk to him like a man, like a REAL man. Come on! Get your ass outta here! Come on back now.
[to Martin]
Walt: Sorry about this.
Thao: What's up ya old Italian prick?
Barber: [pointing rifle at Thao] Get out of my shop before I blow your head off, you goddamn dick sucker! Go!
Walt: Jezus Christ, Holy Shit! Hehe. Take it easy, take it easy!
[to Thao]
Walt: What the hell are you doing? Have you lost your mind?
Thao: But that's what you said. That's what you said men say.
Walt: You don't just come in and insult the man in his own shop! You just don't do that. What happens if you meet some stranger? You get the wrong one, he's gonna blow your gook head right off!
Thao: What should I have said then?
Barber: Well... why don't you start with... eeehm... Hi or Hello...
Walt: Yeah, just come in and say... eeeehm... Sir, I'd like a haircut if you have the time.
Barber: Yeah, be polite, but don't kiss ass.
Walt: In fact you could talk about a construction job you just came from and bitch about your girlfriend and your car.
Barber: eeeehm... Son of a bitch, I just got my brakes fixed and eeehmm those son of bitches really nailed me, I mean they screwed me right in the ass!
Walt: Yeah, don't swear AT the guy, just talk about people who are not in the room... eeeh... you could talk about your boss... eeeh... making you work extra time when there is bowling night.
Barber: Right, or... eeeh... my old lady bitches for two goddamn hours about how... eeeeh... they don't take expired coupons at the grocery stores. And the minute I turn on the fucking game, she starts crying how we never talk!

Thao: Excuse me, Sir, I need a haircut if you ain't too busy, you old Italian son of a bitch prick barber. Boy, does my ass hurt from all of the guys at my construction job.

Ashley: [clearly uninterested] Grandpa Walt, you want me to help you with that, the chairs?
Walt: No, you probably just painted your nails.

Walt: [about Thao] I don't care about him.
Sue: You hang out with him, you teach him to fix things, you saved him from that fucked cousin of ours.
Walt: Watch your language, lady.
Sue: And you're a better man to him than our own father was. You're a good man.

Thug: How old are you anyway?
Sue: Mentally, I'm way too old for you.

Mitch: What would I want?
Walt: I don't know... Your wife's already gone through all of your mother's jewelry.

Barber: There. You finally look like a human being again. You shouldn't wait so long between hair cuts, you cheap son of a bitch.
Walt: Yeah. I'm surprised you're still around. I was always hoping you'd die off and they got someone in here that knew what the hell they were doing. Instead, you're just hanging around like the doo-wop dago you are.
Barber: That'll be ten bucks, Walt.
Walt: Ten bucks? Jesus Christ, Marty. What are you, half Jew or somethin'? You keep raising the damn prices all the time.
Barber: It's been ten bucks for the last five years, you hard-nosed Polack son of a bitch.
Walt: Yeah, well keep the change.
Barber: See you in three weeks, prick.
Walt: Not if I see you first, dipshit.

Walt: You know, Thao and Sue are never going to find peace in this world as long as that gang's around.

Josh: [making the sign of the cross] Spectacles, testicles, wallet, and watch.

Sue: The Lutherans brought us over.
Walt: Everybody blames the Lutherans.

Walt: I confess that I have no desire to confess.

Sue: Kind of ironic, isn't it?
Walt: What is?
Sue: Thao washing your car after he tried to steal it.
Walt: And if he misses a spot, he has to do it all over again.

Sue: Hmong girls over here fit in better. The girls go to college and the boys go to jail.

Walt: [sneering and aiming his gun] Get off my lawn!

Walt: Relax, zipperhead. I'm not gonna shoot you. I'd look down too, if I was you. You know, I knew you were a dipshit the first time I ever saw you. Then I thought you were worse with women than stealing cars... Toad.
Thao: It's Thao.
Walt: What?
Thao: It's not Toad, my name is Thao.
Walt: Yeah, well, you were blowing it with that girl who was there. Not that I give two shits about a toad like you.
Thao: You don't know what you're talking about.
Walt: You're wrong, eggroll, I know exactly what I'm talking about. I may not be the most pleasant person to be around, but I got the best woman who was ever on this planet to marry me. I worked at it, it was the best thing ever happened to me. Hands down. But you, you know, you're letting Click-Clack, Ding-Dong and Charlie Chan just walk out with Miss What's-her-face. She likes you, you know? Though I don't know why!
Thao: Who?
Walt: Yum Yum. You know, the girl in the purple sweater. She's been looking at you all day, stupid!
Thao: You mean Youa?
Walt: Yeah... Yum Yum... yeah... nice girl... nice girl, very charming girl... I talked with her... yeah. But you, you just let her walk out right out with the Three Stooges. And you know why? 'Cause you're a big fat pussy. Well, I gotta go. Good day, pussycake.

[last lines]
Lawyer: [reading from Walt's will] And I'd like to leave my 1972 Gran Torino to...
[the lawyer pauses and looks up at Ashley, who smiles expectantly]
Lawyer: ...my friend... Thao Vang Lor. On the condition that you don't chop-top the roof like one of those beaners, don't paint any idiotic flames on it like some white trash hillbilly, and don't put a big, gay spoiler on the rear end like you see on all the other zipperheads' cars. It just looks like hell. If you can refrain from doing any of that... it's yours.

Walt: What the hell does everybody want with my Gran Torino?

Walt: I got blood on my hands, I'm soiled. That's why I'm going it alone tonight.

Walt: You got your whole life ahead of you, but for me, I finish things.

Thao: What was it like to kill someone?
Walt: You don't want to know.