The Best Jeff MacKay Quotes

Lt. Starbuck: Incredible. You really understand this felgercarb?
Cpl: From Alpha imput to Omega readout.

[Big Bud is trying to get out of being recalled to active duty by claiming to be gay]
Petty: Don't like women, huh?
Big: No. But I love men. What can I say? I find men attractive.
Petty: Really?
[starts whispering sexually suggestive comments into Big Bud's ear, with obvious results]
Petty: [suggestively] Ahhh. Is somebody having a *hard* day?
Petty: [brandishing a syringe] Arm or butt, Master Chief!

Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts: You have time to drive golf balls, but you don't have time to visit Bud.
Big: What, are you afraid your old man can still outdrive you?
Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts: No, I'm afraid my father cares more about his golf game than about his own son.
Big: Hey, watch your mouth, or I'll tee you up.
Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts: Dad, Bud's been home for over a month, and he needs your support.
Big: What's the matter? He doesn't have a crutch?
Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts: I can't believe you just said that.
Big: Yeah, well, that's why I won't go see him. 'Cause I'll say something like that, or something worse.

[Big Bud is trying to get out of being recalled to active duty by claiming to be a junkie]
Big: What about my drug screen?
Petty: Well, you did test positive. For someone *pretending* to be on meth amphetamines!
Big: I'm a speed freak!
Petty: Oooh. Love life in the fast lane, huh?

Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts: Bud needs you, dad.
Big: I've talked to him. He sounds fine.
Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts: Talking to him on the phone is not the same as seeing him.
Big: I don't want to see him like that.
Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts: So, what, you're just going to avoid Bud for the rest of your life?
Big: No. I'll see him when he gets his...
Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts: Prosthesis?
Big: Oh, God. Makes me sick just to think about it.
Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts: Come on, dad. You were in Vietnam. You must have seen plenty of amputees.
Big: I was not "in" Vietnam. I was off the coast on a ship. And the only time I ever saw pants without legs in them was when they were folded up on a supply shelf.
Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts: He needs you.
Big: Mikey... I went to that hospital. I got as far as the elevator doors.
Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts: And what stopped you?
Big: I don't know. I don't know, I-I don't know. I don't wanna talk about it.