The Best Rich Texan Quotes

Rich: Okay, fine. I'm gonna give it some thought, then say no in the nicest way possible.
[pause]
Rich: No.

Homer: [being asked to produce the Super Bowl halftime show] At last, my pathetic little life has a meaning.
[giggling]
Homer: You suckers! I would've done it for free!
Rich: Fine, do it for free.
Homer: Damn it! Well, I'll still do it.
[chuckling]
Homer: Suckers. I would've paid you.
Rich: Fine, pay us.
Homer: Oh, damn it! Will you take a check?
Rich: No!
Homer: Damn it!

Mr. Burns: Kent Brockman is threathening our ill-gotten gains.
Rich: Goldarn it! I worked hard to ill-get those gains!

Rich: I have some sad news for y'all. After this dance, I'm heading to jail. One of my stray bullets hit a Texas Ranger. But I'll be back in six months. Yee-haw!
[fires his guns in excitement, still not learning his lesson]
Rich: Blanks. They just don't feel the same.

Homer: Marge has never seen my head naked. Maybe I can wear a cowboy hat.
Rich: Cowboy hat just means you have a small penis. And don't even ask me what this means.
[Takes out guns and fires them in the air]
Rich: Yee-hah! I'm compensatin'!

Rich: I'm gonna do what we secretly did at Alamo: surrender.

Rich: I'm in oil. What's your racket?
Mr. Burns: Nuclear power. I make money using my brain, not sticking a pole on the ground and praying for goo.