The Best Sea Captain Quotes

Sea: Here's your bill. And will there be anything else?
Lisa: We haven't gotten our food yet.
Sea: I'll look into it.
[going to the kitchen]
Sea: What the...?
Marge: Who else has a story?
Homer: I do.
Marge: Homer, you can tell the third story. Bart will tell the second, which is usually the weakest.
Bart: Hey!
Marge: I'm just trying to take the pressure off of you.
Bart: Well, one time I read this boring comic book about a ship called the Bounty.
Marge: Ooh, like the paper towels. Go on.

Sea: I'm married to the sea, plus I have a thing on the side with two of the Great Lakes. I won't say which, but it's Erie how Superior they are.

Homer: [sitting on lakeside dock] Who are you?
Sea: I'm the camp swimming instruct-arrrr. Except on weekends, when I run the movie project-arrrr. Only PG movies, nothing R-rrrr.

Bart: Oh, when is our food gonna get here? I'm starved!
Homer: I'm so bored, I figured out where the wallpaper pattern repeats. See, it goes ship's wheel, Popeye tattoo, Gilligan hat, fish with boobs, and back to ship's wheel.
Lisa: What about this swordfish?
Homer: Oh, my life's work ruined!
Sea: [coming up to the table] Yar, sorry 'bout the delay. The chef is having a bit of a problem with tonight's special.
[in the kitchen, the chef fights an octopus with eight knives in its tentacles]
Sea: Meanwhile, I can send a busboy out to get you something from a better restaurant.
Marge: Red Lobster?
Sea: Not that good. Until then, perhaps an old sea yarn might pass the time.
[sitting down with them and puffing on his pipe]
Sea: Too bad I don't know any.
Lisa: I know one, about the most important sea voyage in American history: the journey of the Mayflower.
Sea: Ah, yes, the ship that brought prostitutes to America.
Lisa: Not prostitutes, Protestants.
Sea: Now who's being naive?