20 Best Seth Quotes

Seth: Its like a three thing... its like ball, dick, ball.
Evan: It's like a division sign...

Seth: You know when you hear girls say 'Ah man, I was so shit-faced last night, I shouldn't have fucked that guy?' We could be that mistake!

Evan: Oh, I have to go.
Seth: What,? You're just gonna let me sit here and eat dessert alone like I'm Steven fucking Glandsberg?
[camera pans over to Steven eating alone and staring into a distance]

Seth: I just wanna go to the rooftops and scream, "I love my best friend, Evan."
Evan: Let's... go on my roof.
Seth: [whispers] For sure.

Seth: That's the coolest fucking story I've ever heard in my entire life! That's insane. Is it... Can I hear it again, do you have time?

Fogell: Hey!
Seth: Don't tell Fogell about the party, man...
Fogell: Gangstaaaaaaaaaaasss... what's up guys?

Seth: Look at those nipples.
Evan: They're like little baby toes. It's just not fair that they get to flaunt that stuff, you know... and like, I have to hide every erection I get.
Evan: Just imagine if girls weren't weirded out by our boners and stuff, and just like wanted to see them. That's the world I one day want to live in.
Seth: You know what I do? I flip my boner up into my waistband. It hides it AND it feels awesome. I almost blew a load into my bellybutton.

Seth: I'll be like the Iron Chef of pounding vag.

[from trailer]
Seth: [referring to Evan's mother] I am truly jealous you got to suck on those tits when you were a baby.
Evan: Yeah, well, at least you got to suck on your dad's dick.

[fantasizing about how he'll get liquor]
Seth: You dropped your purse, ma'am. Would you like me to help you with your groceries?
Old: Well that would be lovely young man. Would you like me to buy you alcohol?
Seth: That would be lovely!
[at the cash register, after buying alcohol]
Seth: Enjoy your remaining years!
Old: I will! Enjoy fucking Jules!
Seth: I WILL!

Seth: Nobody has gotten a hand job in cargo shorts since 'nam!

Evan: I heard she got breast reduction surgery.
Seth: What? That's like slapping God across the face for giving you a beautiful gift.
Evan: She had back problems, man.

Seth: You know how many foods are shaped like dicks? The best kinds.

[last lines]
Seth: [to Becca] I had such bad acne last year that I pretty much became, like, an expert on the stuff...
[to Evan]
Seth: You drove m...
[to Becca]
Seth: Evan drove me here though, so...
Jules: Well, so, I mean, I have my dad's car... so I could just give you a lift... and then Evan can take Becca home. If that works... I dunno. If it's in your route.
Becca: It'd be fine with me.
Evan: Fine, yeah. Maybe we could get some food.
Becca: Yeah, I'd like that.
Seth: [to Evan] So, I guess I'll call you.
Evan: Yeah, gimme a call. You have my number.
Seth: I have your information. So, uh, put her there...
[they shake hands]
Evan: Perfect. Good. Alright man.
Seth: Okay.
Evan: Okay guys.
Seth: Becca.
Jules: Bye guys. See ya tomorrow.
Becca: See ya Jules.
[Jules and Seth go off leaving Evan and Becca]

Evan: Yeah chicks go nuts for that... the male camel toe.
Seth: Yea yea! The camel tail.

Seth: Hey Greg, why don't you go piss your pants?
Greg the Soccer Player: [turning around] That was like 8 years ago, asshole!
Seth: [yelling] People don't forget!

Good: How old are you?
Seth: ...22.
Good: [looks skeptical for a second, then smiles] You certainly are! That'll be 80 dollars.
Seth: Oh! Okay!
[pulls money out of his sleeve]
Seth: Pssha! Thank you kindly! Will that do?
Good: [examines the bill: a crisp 80 dollar bill] It most certainly will! Thank you, Seth!
Seth: Hey, thank YOU!
[double high-fives cashier]

Seth: [imitating Becca] Oh Evan, thank you for bringing that lube for my pussy. I never would've been able to handle your four inch dick inside my pussy without that gigantic bottle of lube.

Fogell: Yo guys! Sup?
Seth: Fogell, where have you been, man? You almost gave me a goddamn heart attack. Let me see it. Did you pussy out or what?
Fogell: No noooo, man. I got it; it is flawless. Check it!
Evan: [examining the fake ID] Hawaii. All right, that's good. That's hard to trace, I guess. Wait... you changed your name to... McLovin?
Fogell: Yeah.
Evan: McLovin? What kind of a stupid name is that, Fogell? What, are you trying to be an Irish R&B singer?
Fogell: Naw, they let you pick any name you want when you get down there.
Seth: And you landed on McLovin...
Fogell: Yeah. It was between that or Muhammed.
Seth: Why the FUCK would it be between THAT or Muhammed? Why don't you just pick a common name like a normal person?
Fogell: Muhammed is the most commonly used name on Earth. Read a fucking book for once.
Evan: Fogell, have you actually ever met anyone named Muhammed?
Fogell: Have YOU actually ever met anyone named McLovin?
Seth: No, that's why you picked a dumb fucking name!
Fogell: Fuck you.
Seth: Gimme that. All right, you look like a future pedophile in this picture, number 1. Number 2: it doesn't even have a first name, it just says "McLovin"!
Evan: What? One name? ONE NAME? Who are you? Seal?
Seth: Fogell, this ID says that you're 25 years old. Why wouldn't you just put 21, man?
Fogell: Seth, Seth, Seth. Listen up, ass-face: every day, hundreds of kids go into the liquor store with their fake IDs, and every single one says they're 21. Pssh, how many 21 year olds do you think there are in this town? It's called fucking strategy, all right?
Evan: Stay calm, okay? Let's not lose our heads. It's... it's a fine ID; it'll... it's gonna work. It's passable, okay? This isn't terrible. I mean, it's up to you, Fogell. This guy is either gonna think 'Here's another kid with a fake ID' or 'Here's McLovin, a 25 year-old Hawaiian organ donor'. Okay? So what's it gonna be?
Fogell: [grinning] ... I am McLovin!
Seth: No you're not. No one's McLovin. McLovin's never existed because that's a made up dumb FUCKING FAIRY TALE NAME, YOU FUCK!

Evan: It's not just making them smaller. They completely reshaped them. They make them more supple, symmetrical.
Seth: I gotta catch a glimpse of these warlocks. Let's make a move.
[they run]