Top 100 Quotes From The Martian

- so, yes.
- I vote yes.
- Let's go get him.
- Johanssen?
- Yes.
- Yeah!

- I will burn through half my battery every day.
- If I do not use my heater,
- I will be... slowly killed by the laws of thermodynamics.
- I would love to solve this problem right now but unfortunately... my balls are frozen.
- I can't. I'm calling it.
- I'm calling it.

- Vogel, you're Beck's backup.
- Everything goes well, you pull them on board with the tether.
- If anything goes wrong, you go out after him.
- Yep.
- Okay.
- Let's go get our boy.

- Anyone gets lost, hone in on my suit's telemetry.
- You ready?
- Ready.
- Commander, are you okay?
- I'm okay.

Annie: What the hell is "Project Elrond?"
Vincent: I had to make something up.
Annie: But "Elrond?"
Mitch: Because it's a secret meeting.
Annie: How do you know that, and why does Elrond mean secret meeting?
Bruce: The Council of Elrond. It's the... it's from The Lord of the Rings. It's the meeting where they decide to destroy the one ring.
Teddy: If we're going to call something Project Elrond, I would like my code name to be "Glorfindel."
Annie: I hate every one of you.

- About five seconds, Watney.
- Hang on.
- I'll see you in a few,
- Commander. four... three... two... one.

- Well, technically, Mars would be under maritime...
- Yeah, I know.
- He explained it to us.
- Where is he?
- There.
- Okay.
- Here.
- Okay.

Mark: The other question I get most frequently is. When I was up there stranded by myself, did I think I was gonna die? Yes, absolutely. And that's one you need to know, going in, because it's gonna happen to you. This is space. It does not cooperate.

- Fuck you, Mars.
- Johanssen, Jesus.

- I almost went down.
- Man.

Mark: I've got to make a lot more water. The good thing is, I know the recipe: You take hydrogen, you add oxygen, and you burn. Now, I have hundreds of liters of unused hydrazine at the MDV. If I run the hydrazine over an iridium catalyst, it'll separate into N2 and H2. And then if I just direct the hydrogen into a small area and burn it. Luckily, in the history of humanity, nothing bad has ever happened from lighting hydrogen on fire.

Mark: [after finding out the intercept distance is too far] Did you say 312? Yeah, I'll just wave to you guys as I go by.

Mark: [recording a video message] If the oxygenator breaks down, I'll suffocate. If the water reclaimer breaks down, I'll die of thirst. If the hab breaches, I'll just kind of implode. If none of those things happen, I'll eventually run out of food and starve to death. So, yeah... Yeah...

- "We've been watching you since Sol 54.
- "The whole world is rooting for you.
- "Amazing job getting Pathfinder.
- "We're working on rescue plans.
- "Meantime, we're putting together a supply mission...
- "to keep you fed until Ares 4 arrives."

Mitch: He's not even got to the bad parts yet.
Vincent: Well, let's get to the bad parts.
Bruce: We need to remove the nose LR, the windows, and the whole of panel 19.
Vincent: You want to take the front of the ship off?
Bruce: Sure. The nose alone is four hundred kilograms.
Vincent: You want to send a man into space without the front of his ship?
Bruce: Well, no. We are going to have him cover it with HAB canvas. The hull is mostly there to keep air in. Mars' atmosphere is so thin, you do not need a lot of streamlining. By the time the ship is going fast enough for air resistance to matter, it'll be high enough that there will be practically no air.
Vincent: You want to send him into space under a tarp?
Bruce: Yes. Can I go on?
Vincent: [exasperated] NO!

[last lines]
Mark: At some point, everything's gonna go south on you... everything's going to go south and you're going to say, this is it. This is how I end. Now you can either accept that, or you can get to work. That's all it is. You just begin. You do the math. You solve one problem... and you solve the next one... and then the next. And If you solve enough problems, you get to come home. All right, questions?

- "Broadcasting status.
- "Listening for telemetry signal."
- Uh-huh.
- Okay. Signal acquired.
- All right.
- Okay.
- Camera.

Mark: [after hearing he has to take the top off of the Mars Ascent Vehicle] I know what they're doing. I know exactly what they're doing. They just keep repeating "go faster than any man in the history of space travel", like that's a good thing. Like it'll distract me from how insane their plan is. Yeah, I get to go faster than any man in the history of space travel, because you're launching me in a convertible. Actually it's worse than that, because I won't even be able to control the thing. And by the way, physicists, when describing things like acceleration do not use the word "fast". So they're only doing that in the hopes that I won't raise any objections to this lunacy, because I like the way "fastest man in the history of space travel" sounds. I do like the way it sounds... I mean, I like it a lot.
[pauses]
Mark: I'm not gonna tell them that.

- roughly 50 days to complete.
- So I gotta live for 50 days... inside a Rover with marginal life support the size of a small van.
- So, in the face of overwhelming odds,
- I'm left with only one option.
- I'm gonna have to science the shit out of this.

- Okay. Mmm-hmm.
- Where's Watney?
- Uh...
- There.
- Okay.
- Okay. I know where he's going.
- I need to get on an airplane.

- Vincent, how are you?
- Good to see you.
- Good flight?
- Uh...
- Yeah.
- It's in storage just around the corner.

- L.O.S. here, too.
- U. S. Destroyer Stockton reporting debris falling from the sky.
- Everyone in the LCC, maintain your positions at your consoles.
- GC, lock the doors.

Mark: They say once you grow crops somewhere, you have officially colonized it. So, technically, I colonized Mars. In your face, Neil Armstrong!

Mark: Hi, I'm Mark Watney and I'm still alive... obviously.

- Strap in.
- Five, four... three...
- Brace for deceleration. two... one.
- Activating Panel 41.

Mark: Surprise!

- you shouldn't have left me for dead on a desolate planet.
- By the way, I'm figuring you're gonna be fine with this, given my present situation.
- What's everybody doing?
- Taking a holiday from being cool?
- Counting on you.

- It should be
- Commander Lewis' call.
- We still have a chance to bring five astronauts home safe and sound.
- I'm not risking their lives.
- Let them make that decision.
- Mitch, we're going with option one.
- You goddamn coward.

Teddy: Every time something goes wrong, the world forgets why we fly.

- This time, of course, we hope to bring all the astronauts back at the same time.
- Flight,
- Guidance check complete.
- Copy, Guidance.
- This is Flight.
- We are go for launch, on schedule.

- Okay.
- Okay.
- "Glad to hear it. Really looking forward to not dying."
- "How's the crew?"
- "What did they say when they found out I was alive?"

- Hey, there.
- Morning, sir.
- It's an honor, sir.
- Sir.
- Sir.
- Sir.
- Morning, sir.

- implode.
- And if by some miracle, none of that happens... eventually I'm gonna run out of food.
- So... yeah.
- Yeah.

- Who also had copies of Zork II... and Leather Goddesses of
- Phobos on her personal laptop.
- Seriously, Johanssen... it's like the Smithsonian of loneliness on there.
- Not that I'm complaining.
- Yes!
- Who am I to talk about loneliness?

- We'll open the outer door.
- I need you to place the charge on the inner door.
- Climb back to Airlock 2 along the hull.
- Copy. I'm on my way.
- I'm in, Commander.
- Copy that.

Mark: In the face of overwhelming odds, I'm left with only one option. I'm gonna have to science the shit out of this.

Mitch: Do you believe in God, Vincent?
Vincent: Yeah. Yeah, my father was a Hindu, my mother's a Baptist, so, yeah, I believe in several.
Mitch: We'll take all the help we can get.

- La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
- La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
- La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
- La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
- La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
- La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

Rich: I'm gonna need more coffee
[trips over trash basket]

- that was here in '97.
- They're already here. Guys.
- I'd like to introduce
- Vincent Kapoor.
- Director of Mars Missions for NASA.
- This is our current team... and our original project members.

Mark: I'm the first person to be alone on an entire planet.

Mark: I'm not gonna die here.

- Or like,
- "Are you kidding me?"
- I think it might be the second one.
- Really?
- Uh-huh.
- Could be the first way.
- "Are you kidding me?"
- Yeah, it could be the first way.

Annie: I mean, what are we gonna say, "Dear America, remember that astronaut we killed and had a really nice funeral for? Turns out he's alive and we left him on Mars. Our bad. Sincerely, NASA". I mean, do you realize the shit storm that is about to hit us?

- Holy shit, he's alive.
- I left him behind.
- No.
- No.
- We all left together.
- You were following orders.
- I left him behind.

Mark: It's been 48 sols since I planted the potatoes. So now it's time to reap and re-sow. They grew even better than I expected. I now have 400 healthy potato plants. I dug them up being careful to leave their plants alive. The smaller ones I'll reseed, the larger ones are my food supply. All natural, organic, martian-grown potatoes. You don't hear that every day, do you? And by the way, none of this matters at all if I can't figure out a way to make contact with NASA.

- on my next transmission.
- I'm trying to figure out whether
- I should go with
- "High School Senior"... or "coquettish ingénue."
- But I'm not really sure how that's gonna look with my spacesuit on.

Mark: [after trying to make water by burning hydrogen] So, yeah, I blew myself up. Best guess, I forgot to account for the excess oxygen that I've been exhaling when I did my calculations because I'm stupid. I'm gonna get back to work here just as soon as my ears stop ringing.

Vincent: How's he doing?
Mindy: Uh... He asked us to call him Captain Blondebeard.

- F-word in gerund form.
- F-word, again,
- "is wrong with you?"
- "Mark, please watch your language.
- "Everything you type
- "is being broadcast live all over the world."
- Yeah?

Mitch: The truth is that Mark's right. The longer we wait, the worse it's going to get. We need to tell the crew.
Teddy: You're saying this now while Vincent is in Pasadena, so he can't argue the other side.
Mitch: I shouldn't have to answer to Vincent or anyone else. It's time, Teddy.

Mark: It's a strange feeling. Everywhere I go, I'm the first. Step outside the rover? First guy ever to be there! Climb a hill? First guy to climb that hill! Kick a rock? That rock hadn't moved in a million years! I'm the first guy to drive long-distance on Mars. The first guy to spend more than thirty-one sols on Mars. The first guy to grow crops on Mars. First, first, first!

- Guys,
- I'm running the numbers, and even with optimal VAL blow... we're gonna be off on our angle.
- What's the intercept distance? Johanssen?
- 260 meters, approximate.
- That's too far.

Tim: Okay he says "They don't know I'm alive? What the F word, F word in gerund form, F word again is wrong with you?"

- Couldn't escape if I wanted to
- And you killed him.
- Try it again.
- Ooh, Waterloo
- Finally facing my Waterloo
- Oh, oh, oh, oh, Waterloo

- 4... 3...
- 2...
- 1.
- Liftoff.
- Good thrust.
- Performance is nominal.

- Worry about that later.
- What's the relative velocity?
- 12 meters per second.
- Copy.
- Hook me up.
- Done.

- Mark, report.
- On my way, Commander.
- Damn it.

- We need to tell the crew.
- You're bringing this up while
- Vincent is in Pasadena... so he can't argue the other side.
- I shouldn't have to answer to Vincent.
- Or anyone else.
- It's time, Teddy.

- 5,10...
- 15, 20, 30, 35...
- 40.
- 52.

- Main engine start.
- 7... 6... 5... 4... three... two... one.
- And liftoff.
- As the crew of the Ares 5... begin the next chapter of American space exploration.
- Pressures look good.

- You're in a hurry.
- Yeah.
- My son turned three yesterday.
- Should be pictures of the party.

- astronaut Mark Watney was struck by debris and killed.
- Commander Lewis and the rest of her team... were able to intercept safely with the Hermes and are now heading home.
- But Mark Watney is dead.
- Director Sanders!

Vincent: Mark, please watch your language. Everything you type is being broadcast live all over the world.
Mark: Yeah?
[he proceeds to swear even more]
Vincent: Oh my God...!

- Wow. Good shot.
- There you have it.
- Five years after the rescue of astronaut Mark Watney... an Ares 5 is on its way to Mars.

- 5.2 meters per second.
- Copy. Adjusting course.
- 3.1 meters per second.
- Distance to target, 24 meters.
- 11 meters to target.
- Six meters.

- so that it can talk to Pathfinder.
- If I hack a tiny bit of code. just 20 instructions in the
- Rover's operating system...
- NASA can link the Rover to Pathfinder's broadcasting frequency... and we're in business.

Beth: [kisses the visor of Beck's helm] Don't tell anyone I did that.

[text message from the Hermes]: Rich Purnell is a steely-eyed missile man!

- Commander?
- Martinez, close the door.
- Open D3.
- And leave it open.

- but the intercept velocity will be 42 meters per second.
- And that's way too fast.
- Then we'll have 39 minutes to figure out how to slow down.
- Martinez, burn the jets.
- Copy that.

- to do that.
- The point is...
- "stretch the rations four more days"... is a real dick-punch.
- I'm gonna dip this potato in some crushed Vicodin.
- And there's nobody who can stop me.

Bruce: Mars' atmosphere is so thin, by the time the ship's going fast enough for air resistance to matter, it'll be high enough that there's practically no air.
Vincent: You want to send him into space under a tarp?
Bruce: Yes... Can I go on?
Vincent: [frustrated look] NO.

Annie: But if something goes wrong?
Vincent: Then we lose the crew.
Bruce: So what, we either have a high chance of killing one person, or a low chance of killing six people. How do we make that decision?
Vincent: We don't.
[pointing to Teddy]
Vincent: He does.
Mitch: Yeah, bullshit. It should be Commander Lewis' call.
Teddy: We still have a chance to bring five astronauts home safe and sound. I'm not risking their lives.
Mitch: Let them make that decision.
Teddy: Mitch, we are going with option one.
Mitch: You god damn coward.

Mark: [mouthed, when he's told the crew doesn't know he's still alive] What the fuck? WHAT THE FUCK?

- Johanssen?
- Yeah.
- I know it's your private time.
- Can I bother you for a second?
- Yeah, go ahead.
- Where are you?
- The gym.

- Oxygen level critical.
- Oxygen level critical.
- Oxygen level...

Mark: Who am I to talk about loneliness?

- Vincent Kapoor?
- 6-2.
- 7-6-2.
- Acidalia Planitia.
- What?

- Oh!
- I can't get to you, Mark.
- You're too far.
- I'm not gonna make it.
- I know.
- Beck, unhook me.
- I'm going after him.
- Commander, I got this.

- While his loss will be deeply felt... the men and women of NASA will soldier forth... onward and upward in the mission of their agency.
- By doing so, they honor the legacy
- Mark's leaving behind... and they ensure his sacrifice will not be in vain.

- So I got to figure out a way to grow three years' worth of food here.
- On a planet where nothing grows.
- Luckily...
- I'm a botanist.
- Mars will come to fear my botany powers.

Teddy: [From Extended Version] I just had to explain to the President of the United States what a beaurocratic felcher is.
Mitch: I made the mistake of typing it into Google. Don't.

- Almost easier to what?
- I need more coffee.
- Ahh!
- Are you all right?
- It's fine.
- Almost easier to what?

Mark: [talking to himself] I'm sorry, Martinez, but if you didn't want me to go through your stuff, you shouldn't have left me for dead on a desolate planet.

- ...just how long
- Mark has been completely alone on Mars.
- We're talking to a psychology expert later to discuss...

- helping me with this endeavor.
- And so far they've come up with...
- "Hey, why don't you drill holes
- "on the roof of your Rover...
- "and hit it as hard as you can with a rock?"
- We're gonna get there.

[first lines]
Melissa: All right team, stay in sight of each other. Let's make NASA proud today.
Rick: How's it looking over there, Watney?
Mark: Well, you will be happy to hear that in Grid Section 14-28, the particles were predominately coarse but in 29, they're much finer and they should be ideal for chem analysis.
Rick: Oh, wow. Did everybody hear that? Mark just discovered dirt.
[laughs]
Rick: Should we alert the media?

Mark: Tell Commander Lewis, disco sucks.

- Suit breach detected.
- Oxygen level critical.
- Oxygen level, 10%.
- Oxygen level, 5%.
- Suit pressure, stable.

- and they nearly burned down their dorm.
- And rather than expel them... they banished them to a nearby farm, told them to keep working.
- And now we have a space program.
- Okay.

- I just thought we'd all rather look at a black screen... instead of a vibrant red planet.
- Excuse me?
- Tim's our finest comm tech.
- We all appreciate his acerbic wit.
- I will kill you.

- Hey!
- Oh, God.
- I can't believe it.
- There's a little smell going on over there, bud.
- I know. I haven't had a shower in a year and a half.
- Don't make me laugh,
- I have broken ribs.

Mark: All right, let me get a few things out of the way, right off the bat. Yes, I did in fact survive on a deserted planet by farming in my own shit. Yes, it's actually worse than it sounds. So, let's not talk about that ever again.

- 32...
- 33...
- 34...
- 35, 36.
- Sweet and sour chicken.

Mark: [eating a potato] It has been *seven days* since I ran out of ketchup!

Mark: [From deleted scene] Every human being has a basic instinct: to help each other out. If a hiker gets lost in the mountains, people will coordinate a search. If a train crashes, people will line up to give blood. If an earthquake levels a city, people all over the world will send emergency supplies. This is so fundamentally human that it's found in every culture without exception. Yes, there are assholes who just don't care, but they're massively outnumbered by the people who do. ~ Mark Watney, The Martian

- The tail is giving good data.
- She's rock solid at this point, Flight.
- TVCs look good.

Mark: [listening to "Turn the beat around"] I am definitely gonna die up here if I have to listen to any more of Commander Lewis's god-awful disco music. My God, Commander, could you have not brought something from this century? No, I won't "turn the beat around," I refuse to.

- "F, O."
- "7, W."