50 Best Van Helsing Quotes

Count: You're too late, my friend! My children live!
Van: Then the only way to kill them is to kill you.
Count: Correct.
Van: So be it.

Mr. Hyde: You're a big one. You'll be hard to digest.
Van: I'd hate to be such a nuisance.

Carl: [while stocking Van Helsing's kit for the trip to Transylvania] I don't know. You could blind your enemies, char-broil a herd of chargind wildebeests - use your imagination.
Van: No, I'm going to use yours - you're coming with me.
Carl: Oh, to hell and be damned I am!
Van: Carl, you just cursed! Not well mind you but you're a monk. You shouldn't curse at all.
Carl: Actually I'm just a friar so I can curse all I want... dammit!

[Dracula sees Igor poking the werewolf with a cattle prod]
Count: Igor!
Igor: Yes, Master?
Count: Why do you torment that thing so?
Igor: It's what I do.

Aleera: Tch, tch, tch, so much trouble to my Master, so much trouble.

[approaching the entrance to Castle Dracula]
Carl: Do we have a plan? I mean, it doesn't have to be Wellington's at Waterloo, but some kind of plan would be nice.
Van: We're going to go in there and stop Dracula.
Anna: And kill anyone who gets in our way.
Carl: [quickly turns around] Well, you let me know how that goes...

Van: He's not your brother anymore, Anna!
Anna: You knew?
Van: Yes.
Anna: Before or after I stopped you from shooting him?
Van: Before.
Anna: And still you tried to kill him!
Van: He's a werewolf. He's going to kill people!
Anna: It's not his fault! He can't help it!
Van: I know, but he's going to do it anyway!

Van: Bless me father for I have...
Cardinal: Sinned! Yes, I know. You're very good at it. You shattered the Rose Window.
Van: Well, not to split hairs, but it was Mr. Hyde who did the shattering.
Cardinal: Thirteenth century. Over six hundred years old! I wish you a week in hell for that.
Van: It would be a nice reprieve.
Cardinal: Don't get me wrong. Your results are unquestionable, but your methods attract far too much attention. Wanted posters. We are not pleased.
Van: Do you think I like being the most wanted man in Europe? Why don't you and the order do something about it?
Cardinal: Because we do not exist.
Van: Well then neither do I.
Cardinal: When we found you crawling up the steps of this church, half dead, it was clear to all of us that you had been sent to do God's work.
Van: Why can't He do it Himself?

Igor: Please, don't kill me!
Van: Why not?
Igor: Well, um... I... um... uh...

Anna: We Transylvanians always look on the brighter side of death.
Van: There's a brighter side of death?
Anna: Of course. It's just harder to see.

Igor: I am sorry, Master. We try and we try, but I fear we are not so smart as Doctor Frankenstein.
Count: Truly. It would appear that the good Doctor took the key to life to his grave.
[the Werewolf climbs up onto the parapet. Dracula waves him away, dismissive]
Count: Hunt them down. Kill them both.

Count: [Dracula's bride cower in fear] No, no, no. Do not fear me, everybody else fears me. Not my brides.

Anna: Some say you're a murderer, Mr. Van Helsing. Others say you're a holy man. Which is it?
Van: It's a bit of both, I think.

Van: [to a captive Igor] If they even suspect you of misleading them...
[he demonstrates a wicked-looked set of pliers in front of Igor's face, then hands them to Anna]
Van: Clip off one of his fingers.
Anna: I'll clip off something.

Carl: [after saving the woman from the vampire children] They've all died.
Barmaid: Oh, thank you! You saved me.
[kisses him on the cheek]
Barmaid: How can I repay you?
[Carl leans in and whispers something in her ear]
Barmaid: But you can't do that! You are a monk!
Carl: Actually, I'm a just a friar.

Carl: Here, take this.
[he hands Van Helsing a bag, then begins to fill it]
Carl: Rings of garlic... holy water... silver stake... crucifix...
[they pass two monks test-firing a Gatling gun]
Van: Why can't I have one of those?

Van: I have to pull the bolts off... this is going to hurt!
Frankenstein's: I am accustomed to pain!
Van: It let's you know you're alive!

[the Werewolf arrives back at Castle Frankenstein and lands next to Dracula, growling menacingly. Dracula ignores him]
Count: Werewolves are such a nuisance during their first full moon, so hard to control.
[just as the Werwolf is about to lunge at him, he stops and transforms back to Velkan, writhing in pain. Dracula strides majestically past him]
Count: I send you on a simple errand, to find out who our new friend is, and you have to stop for a little visit with your sister.
Velkan: Leave her out of this, Count! She doesn't know your secret, and I am soon to take it to my grave.
Count: Don't wish for death so quickly. I intend for you to be quite useful.
Velkan: I would rather die than help you.
Count: Oh, don't be boring, everybody who says that dies.

Count: I can tell the character of a man by the sound of his heartbeat.
[claps his hand in a rhythm of a heartbeat]
Count: Usually when I approach...
[claps faster]
Count: I can almost dance to the beat.
[claps slower]
Count: Strange that yours is so steady.

Carl: So you can remember everything about your life from the last seven years, but nothing before that?
Van: Not now, Carl.
Carl: There must be something?
Van: [dead serious] I remember fighting the Romans at Masada.
Carl: That was in 73 A.D.
Van: You asked.

Van: Next time, stay close, you're no good to me dead.

Count: Don't we make a lovely couple?
[Anna looks at the mirror. Dracula is not in the reflection]
Count: I'm looking for a new bride, Anna, someone strong and beautiful. All it takes is one bite from me.
Anna: [Dracula hugs her tighter] You have no heartbeat.
Count: Perhaps it just needs to be rekindled.

Count: [to the other vampires] Ladies and gentlemen, I give to you... Van Helsing!

Van: Now, Carl, whatever you do, don't stare at him.
[he opens the coach door, revealing the Frankenstein Monster shackled into the seat, struggling and snarling]
Carl: I'm staring at him.
[quickly turns away]
Carl: Is that a man?
Van: Actually, it's seven men. Parts of them, anyway.

Van: Dr. Jekyll, you're wanted by the Knights of the Holy Order...
Mr. Hyde: It's Mr. Hyde, now!
Van: for the murder of twelve men, six women, four...
Mr. Hyde: [laughing] Four children, three goats, and a rather nasty massacre of poultry!

Verona: Marishka! Kill the stranger!
Marishka: Love to!

Frankenstein's: [hanging from a rope] Help! Help me!
Carl: But you're supposed to die!
Frankenstein's: I want to live!
Carl: ...All right.

Anna: [while looking at the cure for the werewolf curse] Go ahead, grab it.
Carl: Why don't you go ahead and grab it? If there's one thing I've learned, it's never to stick your hand into a viscous material.

Count: Give me LIFE!

[after Van Helsing's first, failed attempt to kill Dracula]
Anna: A silver stake? A crucifix? What, did you think we haven't tried everything before? We've shot him, stabbed him, clubbed him, sprayed him with holy water, staked him through the heart, and STILL he lives! Do you understand? No-one knows how to kill Dracula!
Van: Well, I could have used that information a little earlier.

[drinking a freshly-killed man's blood from a glass]
Aleera: Thirty years old... perfectly aged.

Van: I missed you in London.
Mr. Hyde: No, you bloody did not!
[shows Van Helsing a bullet wound]
Mr. Hyde: You got me good.

[Dracula's minions have taken all of Frankenstein's equipment to castle Dracula]
Anna: Then we've lost.
Carl: Dracula can't bring them to life until the sun sets. We still have time.
Anna: "Time"? The sun sets in two hours, and we've been searching for his lair for over 400 years!
Carl: I wasn't around for those 400 years, was I?

Van: There's something down here, it's carnivorous. Whatever it is it appears to be... human. I'd say it's a size 17, about 360 pounds, 8 and a half to 9 feet tall and he has a bad gimp in his right leg and, ah, 3 copper teeth.
Anna: How do you know he has copper teeth?
Van: 'Cause he's standing right behind you.
[shouts]
Van: Move!

Frankenstein's: Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil. I *will* have my vengeance!

Van: You're a genius!
Carl: A genius with access to unstable chemicals!

Top: I see the Wolfman hasn't killed you yet.
Van: Don't worry. He's getting to it.

Count: Igor... Do unto others...
Igor: Before they do it unto me!

Anna: What are these things?
Van: I think they're Dracula's children.
Anna: His children?
Van: A man, with three gorgeous women, for four hundred years?

Anna: He's the first one to kill a vampire in over a hundred years. I'd say that's earned him a drink.

[Van Helsing and Anna are both hanging off the sides of the carriage, hanging over the cliff. While the Monster is chained in his seat, Carl starts to pull Anna in, but Van Helsing's grip starts to fail]
Frankenstein's: I can help!
Carl: You won't kill me?
Frankenstein's: Only if you don't hurry!

Carl: Now, you won't turn into a werewolf until your first full moon. That's two days from now. So we have 48 hours to find a solution. But you'll still be able to fight Dracula's hold over you until the final stroke of midnight.
Van: Sounds like I have nothing to worry about.
Carl: Oh, my God, you should be terrified!
Van: Thank you.
Carl: Sorry.

Carl: [about his invention] I know what it's for! I know what it's for!... Where are we going?
Van: Through that window!

Van: This thing... man... whatever it is... evil may have created it, left its mark on it... but evil does not rule it. So I cannot kill it.

Count: All I wanted was life, Gabriel. The continuation of my kind.
[Dracula holds up his left hand, his ring finger has long ago been cut off]
Count: And perhaps also, the return of my ring.

Carl: Why does it smell like wet dog in here?
Van: [running past him] Werewolf!
Carl: Oh! You'll be needing silver bullets then.
[he produces a box of bullets and throws them to Van Helsing, rather deftly]
Van: Well done!

Frankenstein's: You've been bitten. Bitten by a werewolf. Now you will become that which you have hunted so passionately.
[Van Helsing takes out a tranquilizer blowgun]
Van: I am sorry...
Frankenstein's: May others be as passionate in the hunting of you.

Dr. Victor Frankenstein: Good God... I would kill myself before helping in such a task.
Count: Feel free. I don't actually need you anymore, Victor. I just need him... he is the key.

Aleera: Anna, my love. It is your blood that shall keep me beautiful. What do you think of that?
[laughs triumphantly, then screams as Anna catches a silver stake and impales her through the chest]
Anna: I think if you're going to kill somebody, kill them! Don't stand around talking about it!

Anna: [after Van Helsing has killed the Werewolf] You killed him!
Van: Now you see why people call me a murderer.