The Best Alec Baldwin Quotes

Homer: Billy Baldwin!
Alec: I'm Alec Baldwin!

Homer: What are you two big Hollywood stars doing in good old Springfield?
Kim: Sometimes we need to get away from Hollywood. L.A. is just so phony.
Homer: Well, why don't you just move to, say, Bethesda?
Alec: Not phony enough.
Kim: What we really like here is the privacy. Most people don't even know where Springfield is.
Homer: Yeah. Tell you the truth, I'm not even sure.

Kim: Wow, Homer. You got everything. Even the Oscar polish!
Alec: Honey, don't you think you've polished that enough? You're taking the finish off.
Kim: When you win one, you can take care of it how you want.

Alec: Okay, you're on. But look, nobody knows we're in Springfield, and we wanna keep it that way.
Kim: Will you promise to keep out secret?
Homer: Absolutely. If you promise to keep mine.
Alec: Okay. What is it?
Homer: [shamefully] I can't read.
Kim: But you just read that card from the Gersh Agency.
Homer: I recognized the logo.

[Kim Basinger is working out, Homer is coaching her]
Homer: And stretch. And strain. And hyperextend. Keep those knees rigid. Jerk that lower back.
Kim: I'm getting some shooting pains in my neck...
Homer: That's right, force it. Whip that neck.
[Alec Baldwin enters the room]
Alec: Does anybody know where this came from?
Homer: Oh, there's that script I wrote. Where did you find it?
Alec: It was on my pillow.
Homer: The important thing is, it has the perfect part for you. For either of you. It's about a killer robot driving instructor who travels back in time for some reason. Ron Howard's attached to direct.
Ron: No, I'm not.
Homer: Well, he expressed an interest.
Ron: No, I didn't.
Homer: Did too.

Kim: Let's get him!
Alec: And this time, it's personal.
[Kim and Ron Howard stare at him]
Alec: What? It is personal! He's got our underpants!