The Best Alfred Quotes

Alfred: Took quite a fall, didn't we, Master Bruce?
Thomas: And why do we fall, Bruce? So we can learn to pick ourselves up.

Alfred: [about Selina Kyle] You two should exchange notes over coffee.
Bruce: So now you're trying to set me up with a jewel thief?
Alfred: At this point, I'd set you up with a chimpanzee if it'd brought you back to the world!
Bruce: There's nothing out there for me.
Alfred: And that's the problem. You hung up your cape and your cowl, but you didn't move on, you never went to find a life, to find someone...
Bruce: Alfred... I did find someone.
Alfred: I know, and you lost her. But that's all part of living, sir. But you're not living. You're just waiting, hoping for things to go bad again.

Alfred: Why bats, Master Wayne?
Bruce: Bats frighten me. It's time my enemies shared my dread.

Alfred: Master Wayne?
- Master Wayne?

Harvey: Alfred, right?
Alfred: [during the fundraiser party held for Harvey Dent] That's right, sir.
Harvey: Yeah, Rachel talks about you all the time. You've known her, her whole life!
Alfred: Oh, not yet, sir.
Harvey: Heh heh heh. Any psychotic ex-boyfriends I should be aware of?
Alfred: [smiles] Oh, you have no idea.

Bruce: [while in the underground bat cave] People are dying, Alfred. What would you have me do?
Alfred: Endure, Master Wayne. Take it. They'll hate you for it, but that's the point of Batman, he can be the outcast. He can make the choice that no one else can make, the right choice.
Bruce: Well today I found out what Batman can't do. He can't endure this. Today you get to say "I told you so."
Alfred: Today, I don't want to.
[pauses for several moments]
Alfred: But I did bloody tell you.

Alfred: [referring to ordering the separate cowl pieces from Asia] They'll have to be, uh, large orders, uh, to avoid suspicion.
Bruce: How large?
Alfred: Say, uh, 10,000.
Bruce: Well, at least we'll have spares.

Alfred: [to Bruce] Remember when you left Gotham? Before all this, before Batman? You were gone seven years. Seven years I waited, hoping that you wouldn't come back. Every year, I took a holiday. I went to Florence, there's this cafe, on the banks of the Arno. Every fine evening, I'd sit there and order a Fernet Branca. I had this fantasy, that I would look across the tables and I'd see you there, with a wife and maybe a couple of kids. You wouldn't say anything to me, nor me to you. But we'd both know that you'd made it, that you were happy. I never wanted you to come back to Gotham. I always knew there was nothing here for you, except pain and tragedy. And I wanted something more for you than that. I still do.

Bruce: [as Alfred opens the curtains] Bats are nocturnal.
Alfred: Bats may be, but even for billionaire playboys, three o'clock is pushing it. The price of leading a double life, I fear. Your theatrics made an impression.
[shows the newspaper to Bruce]
Bruce: Theatricality and deception are powerful weapons, Alfred. It's a good start.
Alfred: If those are to be the first of many injuries to come, it would be wise to find a suitable excuse. Polo, for instance.
Bruce: I'm not learning polo, Alfred.
Alfred: Strange injuries a non-existent social life, these things beg the question as to what exactly does Bruce Wayne do with his time and his money.
Bruce: And what does someone like me do?
Alfred: Drive sports cars, date movie stars, buy things that are not for sale... who knows, Master Wayne? You start pretending to have fun, you might even have a little by accident.

Alfred: Will you be wanting the Batpod, sir?
Bruce: In the middle of the day, Alfred? Not very subtle.
Alfred: The Lamborghini, then.
[with deadpan sarcasm]
Alfred: Much more subtle.

Bruce: [while in the underground bat cave] Targeting me won't get their money back. I knew the mob wouldn't go down without a fight, but this is different. They crossed the line.
Alfred: You crossed the line first, sir. You squeezed them, you hammered them to the point of desperation. And in their desperation, they turned to a man they didn't fully understand.
Bruce: Criminals aren't complicated, Alfred. Just have to figure out what he's after.
Alfred: With respect Master Wayne, perhaps this is a man that *you* don't fully understand, either. A long time ago, I was in Burma. My friends and I were working for the local government. They were trying to buy the loyalty of tribal leaders by bribing them with precious stones. But their caravans were being raided in a forest north of Rangoon by a bandit. So, we went looking for the stones. But in six months, we never met anybody who traded with him. One day, I saw a child playing with a ruby the size of a tangerine. The bandit had been throwing them away.
Bruce: So why steal them?
Alfred: Well, because he thought it was good sport. Because some men aren't looking for anything logical, like money. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned, or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world burn.

[as Wayne Manor is burning down]
Bruce: What have I done, Alfred? Everything my family... my father built...
Alfred: The Wayne legacy is more than bricks and mortar, sir.
Bruce: I wanted to save Gotham. I failed.
Alfred: Why do we fall sir? So that we can learn to pick ourselves up.
Bruce: You still haven't given up on me?
Alfred: Never.

Rachel: [looking at the ruins of the burned down Wayne Manor] What will you do?
Bruce: Rebuild it. Just the way it was, brick for brick.
Alfred: *Just* the way it was, sir?
Bruce: Yeah. Why?
Alfred: I thought this might be a good opportunity for improving the foundations.
Bruce: In the south-east corner?
Alfred: Precisely, sir.

Alfred: [as they leave the underground bat cave] I suppose they'll lock me up as well. As your accomplice...
Bruce: [jokingly] Accomplice? I'm going to tell them the whole thing was your idea.

Bruce: [in his high rise apartment] The bandit, in the forest in Burma, did you catch him?
Alfred: Yes.
Bruce: How?
Alfred: We burned the forest down.

Alfred: [at Bruce's grave] I'm so sorry. I failed you. You trusted me, and I failed you.

Bruce: If this man is everything that you say he is, then this city needs me.
Alfred: This city needs Bruce Wayne, your resources, your knowledge. It doesn't need your body, or your life. That time has passed.
Bruce: You're afraid that if I go back out there I'll fail.
Alfred: No. I'm afraid that you want to.

Alfred: I'll get this to Mr. Fox, but no more. I've sewn you up, I've set your bones, but I won't bury you. I've buried enough members of the Wayne family.
Bruce: You'll leave me?
Alfred: You see only one end to your journey. Leaving is all I have to make you understand, you're not Batman anymore. You have to find another way. You used to talk about finishing a life beyond that awful cape.
Bruce: Rachel died believing that we would be together; that was my life beyond the cape. I can't just move on. She didn't, she couldn't.
Alfred: What if she had? What if, before she died, she wrote a letter saying she chose Harvey Dent over you? And what if, to spare your pain, I burnt that letter?
Bruce: How dare you use Rachel to try to stop me?
Alfred: I am using the truth, Master Wayne. Maybe it's time we all stop trying to outsmart the truth and let it have its day. I'm sorry.
Bruce: You're sorry? You expect to destroy my world and then think we're going to shake hands?
Alfred: No... no, I know what this means.
Bruce: What does it mean?
Alfred: It means your hatred... and it also means losing someone that I have cared for since I first heard his cries echo through this house. But it might also mean saving your life. And that is more important.
Bruce: Goodbye, Alfred.

Alfred: [looks at the large gash on Bruce's arm] Did you get mauled by a tiger?
Bruce: [quietly] It was a dog.
Alfred: Huh?
Bruce: It was a big dog!
[pause]
Bruce: More copycats last night, Alfred, with guns.
Alfred: Why don't you hire them and take the weekend off?

Alfred: If you're seriously considering going back out there, you should hear the rumors surrounding Bane.
Bruce: I'm all ears.
Alfred: There is a prison in a more ancient part of the world, a pit where men are thrown to suffer and die. But sometimes a man rises from the darkness. Sometimes the pit sends something back.
Bruce: Bane.
Alfred: Right. Born and raised in hell on earth.
Bruce: Born in prison?
Alfred: No one knows why or how he escaped, but they do know that once he did he was trained by Ra's Al Ghul, your mentor.
Bruce: Bane was a member of The League of Shadows.
Alfred: And then he was excommunicated. And any man who is too extreme for Ra's Al Ghul is not to be trifled with.

Bruce: Have you told anyone I'm coming back?
Alfred: Well, I just couldn't figure the legal ramifications of bringing you back from the dead.
Bruce: Dead?
Alfred: You've been gone seven years.
Bruce: You had me declared dead?
Alfred: Well, actually it was Mr. Earle, he's taking the company public. He wanted to liquidate your majority shareholding. Those shares are worth quite a bit of money.
Bruce: Well, it's a good thing I left everything to you, then.
Alfred: Quite so, sir. And you can borrow the Rolls if you like. Just bring it back with a full tank.

[trying to lug a burning roof beam off of a helpless Bruce]
Alfred: What is the point of all those push-ups if you can't even lift a bloody log?

- Unlock the door, put the tray on the table, lock the door again. Nothing more.
Alfred: I'm sorry, Miss Tate.
- I tried, but he won't see you.
- And you mustn't take it personally.
- Everyone knows that Wayne's holed up in there with 8-inch nails...
- ...peeing into Mason jars.
- It's very good of you to let me on the grounds.

Alfred: [while in the underground bat cave] Know your limits, Master Wayne.
Bruce: Batman has no limits.
Alfred: Well, you do, sir.
Bruce: Well, can't afford to know 'em.
Alfred: And what happens on the day that you find out?
Bruce: Well, we all know how much you love to say "I told you so."
Alfred: On that day, Master Wayne, even I won't want to. Probably.

Alfred: Will you be heading back to Princeton after the hearing, sir, or can I persuade you to stay on for a day or two?
Bruce: I'm not heading back at all.
Alfred: You don't like it there?
Bruce: I like it fine. They just don't feel the same way.
Alfred: I've prepared the master bedroom.
Bruce: No. My room will be fine.
Alfred: With all due respect, sir, Wayne Manor is your house.
Bruce: No, Alfred, it's my father's house.
Alfred: Your father is dead, Master Wayne.
Bruce: And this place is a mausoleum. If I have my way, I'll pull the damn thing down brick by brick.
Alfred: This house, Master Wayne, has sheltered six generations of your family.
Bruce: Why do you give a damn, Alfred? It's not your family.
Alfred: I give a damn, because a good man once made me responsible for what was most precious to him in the whole world. Miss Dawes has offered to drive you to the hearing. She probably hopes to talk you out of going.
Bruce: Should I just bury the past out there with my parents, Alfred?
Alfred: I wouldn't presume to tell you what to do with your past, sir. Just know that there are those of us who care about what you do with your future.
Bruce: Haven't given up on me yet?
Alfred: Never.

Alfred: Are you coming back to Gotham for long, sir?
Bruce: As long as it takes. I'm gonna show the people of Gotham their city doesn't belong to the criminals and the corrupt.
Alfred: In the depression, your father nearly bankrupted Wayne Enterprises combating poverty. He believed that his example could inspire the wealthy of Gotham to save their city.
Bruce: Did it?
Alfred: In a way. Their murder shocked the wealthy and the powerful into action.
Bruce: People need dramatic examples to shake them out of apathy and I can't do that as Bruce Wayne. As a man, I'm flesh and blood, I can be ignored, I can be destroyed; but as a symbol... as a symbol I can be incorruptible, I can be everlasting.
Alfred: What symbol?
Bruce: Something elemental, something terrifying.
Alfred: I assume that as you're taking on the underworld, this symbol is a persona to protect those you care about from reprisals.
Bruce: You're thinking about Rachel?
Alfred: Actually, sir, I was thinking of myself.