50 Best Alicia Silverstone Quotes

Cher: So okay, I don't want to be a traitor to my generation and all but I don't get how guys dress today. I mean, come on, it looks like they just fell out of bed and put on some baggy pants and take their greasy hair - ew - and cover it up with a backwards cap and like, we're expected to swoon? I don't think so.

Batman: And you are...?
Batgirl: Batgirl.
Batman: That's not awfully PC. What about Batperson, or Batwoman?
Batgirl: Bruce, it's me, Barbara. I found the Batcave.
Robin: We gotta get those locks changed.
Batman: She knows who we are.
Robin: I guess we'll just have to kill her.
Batman: Yep, we'll kill her later, we have work to do.

Cher: If it's a concussion, you have to keep her conscious, okay? Ask her questions.
Elton: What's seven times seven?
Cher: Stuff she knows.

Cher: "Second notice on three outstanding tickets." I don't remember getting a first notice.
Mel: The ticket is the first notice! I didn't even know you could get tickets without a license.
Cher: Oh, you can get tickets anytime.

Cher: Would you call me selfish?
Dionne: No, not to your face.

Josh: We might get Marky Mark to plant a celebrity tree.
Cher: Oh how fabulous. Getting Marky Mark to take time from his busy pants dropping schedule to plant trees. Why don't you just hire a gardener?
Josh: You know, maybe Marky Mark wants to use his popularity for a good cause - make a contribution. In case you've never heard of that, a contribution is...
Cher: Excuse me, but I have donated many expensive Italian outfits to Lucy, and as soon I get my license, I fully intend to brake for animals, and I have contributed many hours to helping two lonely teachers find romance.
Josh: Which I'll bet serves your interests more than theirs. You know, If I ever saw you do anything that wasn't ninety percent selfish, I'd die of shock.
Cher: Oh, that'd be reason enough for me.

Josh: You want to practice parking?
Cher: What's the point? Everywhere you go has valet.

Cher: Miss Stoeger, I would just like to say that physical education in this school is a disgrace. I mean, standing in line for forty minutes is hardly aerobically effective. I doubt I've worked off the calories in a stick of Carefree gum.

Dionne: Hello? There was a stop sign.
Cher: I totally paused.

Cher: Lucy, the fire department called again. They said we need to clear out that bush. You said you'd get Jose to do it.
Lucy: He your gardener, I don't know why you no tell him.
Cher: Lucy, you know I don't speak Mexican.
Lucy: I NOT A MEXICAN.
Lucy: [storms off]
Cher: Great, what was that all about?
Josh: Lucy's from El Salvador.
Cher: So?
Josh: So, it's an entirely different country.
Cher: What does that matter?
Josh: You get mad if anyone thinks you live below Sunset.

Josh: Hey, James Bond, in America we drive on the right side of the road.
Cher: I am. You try driving in platforms.

Cher: Anything you can do to draw attention to your mouth is good.

Mel: What the hell is that?
Cher: A dress.
Mel: Says who?
Cher: Calvin Klein.

Tai: Cher, you're a virgin?
Cher: You say that like it's a bad thing.
Dionne: Besides, the PC term is "Hymenally challenged".

Christian: Do you like Billie Holiday?
Cher: I love him.

Cher: As if.

Robin: Where's the snowman?
Batgirl: Maybe he melted.
Batman: No, he's just hibernating.

Mel: You mean to tell me that you argued your way from a C+ to an A-?
Cher: Totally based on my powers of persuasion, you proud?
Mel: Honey, I couldn't be happier than if they were based on real grades.

Dick: Please be here for me!
Barbara: Actually I'm looking for Alfred.

Cher: I was surfing the crimson wave. I had to haul ass to the ladies'.

[driving up to a huge house]
Cher: This is where Dionne lives. She's my friend because we both know what it's like for people to be jealous of us.

Cher: Daddy's a litigator. Those are the scariest kind of lawyer. Even Lucy, our maid, is terrified of him. And daddy's so good he gets $500 an hour to fight with people. But he fights with me for free because I'm his daughter.

Cher: Do you prefer "fashion victim" or "ensembly challenged"?

Cher: So like, right now for example. The Haitians need to come to America. But some people are all, "What about the strain on our resources?" Well it's like when I had this garden party for my father's birthday, right? I put R.S.V.P. 'cause it was a sit-down dinner. But some people came that like did not R.S.V.P. I was like totally buggin'. I had to haul ass to the kitchen, redistribute the food, and squish in extra place settings. But by the end of the day it was, like, the more the merrier. And so if the government could just get to the kitchen, rearrange some things, we could certainly party with the Haitians. And in conclusion may I please remind you it does not say R.S.V.P. on the Statue of Liberty. Thank you very much.

Heather: It's just like Hamlet said, "To thine own self be true."
Cher: Hamlet didn't say that.
Heather: I think I remember Hamlet accurately.
Cher: Well, I remember Mel Gibson accurately, and he didn't say that. That Polonius guy did.

Cher: Until mankind is peaceful enough not to have violence on the news, there's no point in taking it out of shows that need it for entertainment value.

Cher: I want to do something for humanity.
Josh: How about sterilization?

Barbara: Uncle Alfred's been supporting me his whole life, I'm going to take him away from all this.
Dick: Alfred and Bruce are like family.
Barbara: Paying someone to do your dishes, cook your meals, you call that family?

Tai: Do you think she's pretty?
Cher: No, she's a full-on Monet.
Tai: What's a monet?
Cher: It's like a painting, see? From far away, it's OK, but up close, it's a big old mess. Let's ask a guy. Christian, what do you think of Amber?
Christian: Hagsville.
Cher: See?

Cher: Christian said he'd call the next day, but in boy time that meant Thursday.

Mel: Do you know what time it is?
Cher: A watch doesn't really go with this outfit, daddy.

Cher: You are such a brown-noser.
Josh: Oh, and you are such a superficial space cadet. What makes you think you can get teachers to change your grades?
Cher: The fact that I've done it every other semester.

Mel: Which reminds me, where's your report card?
Cher: It's not ready yet.
Mel: What do you mean, "it's not ready yet?"
Cher: Well, some teachers are trying to low-ball me, Daddy. And I know how you say, "Never accept a first offer", so I figure these grades are just a jumping off point to start negotiations.

Cher: Everything I think and everything I do is wrong. I was wrong about Elton, I was wrong about Christian, and now Josh hated me. It all boiled down to one inevitable conclusion, I was just totally clueless. Oh, and this Josh and Tai thing was wigging me more than anything. I mean, what was my problem? Tai is my pal, I don't begrudge her a boyfriend, I really... Ooh, I wonder if they have that in my size. What does she want with Josh, anyway? He dresses funny, he listens to complaint rock, he's not even cute... in a conventional way. I mean, he's just like this slug who hangs around the house all the time. And he's a hideous dancer, I couldn't take him anywhere. Wait a second, what am I stressing about? This is like, Josh! OK, OK, so he's kind of a baldwin, but what would he want with Tai? She couldn't make him happy. Josh needed someone with imagination, someone to take care of him, someone to laugh at his jokes... in case he ever makes any. Then suddenly...

Mel: Where are you?
Cher: I'm just having a snack at my girlfriend's.
Mel: Where, in Kuwait?
Cher: Is that in the valley?

Tai: I could really use some sort of herbal refreshment.
Dionne: Oh, well we do lunch in ten minutes. We don't have any tea, but we have Coke and stuff.
Tai: No shit. You guys got Coke here?
Dionne: Well, yeah.
Cher: Yeah, this is America.

Cher: Sometimes you have to show a little skin. This reminds boys of being naked, and then they think of sex.

Cher: I am totally butt crazy in love with Josh.

Cher: I'm captain of the Pismo Beach disaster relief.
Mel: I don't think they need your skis.
Cher: Daddy, some people lost all their belongings. Don't you think that includes athletic equipment?

Murray: Your man Christian is a cake boy!
Cher,81468: A what?
Murray: He's a disco-dancing, Oscar Wilde-reading, Streisand ticket-holding friend of Dorothy, know what I'm saying?
Cher: Uh-uh, no way, not even!
Murray: Yes, even; he's gay!
Dionne: He does like to shop, Cher. And the boy can dress.

Batgirl: Chicks like you give women a bad name.

Mel: I'd like to see you have a little direction.
Cher: I have direction!
Josh: Yeah, towards the mall.

Josh: You look like Pippi Longstocking.
Cher: Well you look like Forrest Gump. Who's Pippi Longstocking?
Josh: Someone Mel Gibson never played.

Cher: He does dress better than I do, what would I bring to the relationship?

Cher: [after she and Josh kiss] Well you can guess what happened next...
[we see a couple about to wed]
Cher: AS IF. I am only 16, and this is California, not Kentucky.

Cher: Isn't my house classic? The columns date all the way back to 1972.

Josh: Do you have any idea what you're talking about?
Cher: No. Why, does it sound like I do?

[last lines]
Barbara: Partners?
Dick: Partners.
Bruce: Partners.
Alfred: We're going to need a bigger cave.

Tai: Why should I listen to you, anyway? You're a virgin who can't drive.
Cher: That was way harsh, Tai.

Robin: You're pretty good at this, little girl.
Batgirl: Well watch and learn, little boy.