The Best Arrested Development, Season 1, Episode 19 Quotes

Tobias: As you may or may not know, Lindsay and I have hit a bit of a rough patch.
Michael: Really? When did that start?
Tobias: Well, I don't want to blame it all on 9/11, but it certainly didn't help.

Gob: Gilligan killed the Skipper - I mean, the stripper!

Michael: We're gonna go on a fishing trip.
George: Why? What did I do?

Tobias: I guess what I'm saying is... I wanna reunite the band.
Michael: Oh no.
Narrator: Oh, no was right. In the mid '90s, Tobias formed a folk music band with Lindsay and Maebe which he called Dr. Funke's 100 Percent Natural Good Time Family Band Solution. The group was underwritten by the Natural Food Life Company, a division of Chem-Grow, an Allen Crayne Acquisition, which was part of the Squimm Group. Their motto was simple: We keep you alive.

[discussing Gob's bachelor party]
Gob: Dad, you are gonna love this woman.
George Sr.: Well, I'm paying her enough, but she's a hell of a stripper.
Gob: No, I meant my wife.
George Sr.: Oh. No, I doubt that very much.

Michael: So listen, you've been married for two weeks now. It seems to be sticking. Let's pretend it's a good thing. I guess this makes me your best man and I would like to throw you a bachelor party.
Gob: [laughs] Yeah, I don't think she'd go for that. Besides, I talked to Dad. He said it was stupid to get married in the first place. And he's right. He's right. I-I've got to get rid of her.
Michael: You know, I said two weeks ago that I thought it was a stupid idea. Suddenly, Dad says it and it's good advice? You know, you don't have to do everything Dad says.
Gob: I don't do everything Dad says, he just happens to be right about this. You can help me get rid of her, though. Mom's having a cocktail party. She'll be there. You could try and break us up.
Michael: I can't do that.
Gob: Why not? You did with me and Marta. You had no problem with that, guy. You know what? Lie to her. Tell her that I'm insensitive and unreliable.
Michael: Maybe something about how you can never confront people and you need someone else to clean up your messes?
Gob: [impressed] See, that's great... and that's just off the top of your head.
[Tobias walks in]
Tobias: Michael, G.O.B. I was just in the neighborhood -
[distracted by the temperature]
Tobias: Good Lord, it is sweltering in here!

Lindsay: I'm tired of trying to find happiness through lies and self-medicating. If you need me I'll be at the bar.