Top 50 Quotes From Barney Collier

Barney: This metal is soft as butter!

[first lines]
[finding a bullet hole in car trunk where Colonel Borodin was stashed]
James: He's dead.
Barney: Without him, we have no trial. The whole mission depended upon Borodin being our witness.

[last lines]
Paris: That was a beautiful crash you let Ortiz rig.
Barney: Ortiz had plenty of time. He just muffed it. I had to redo the job myself or the copter never would have gotten off the ground.

[last lines]
[having just opened the safe without activating the bomb]
Barney: I've got it, Jim.

[last lines]
James: So, your father's agreed to turn state's evidence, Susan. He's already told the Attorney General enough to rip open the whole Syndicate infiltration of the fight business.
Susan: But he'll still have to go to prison?
Barney: Yes. He'll have to serve some time.
Lisa: But I think it'll make it a lot easier on him, Susan, if he could see you.
Willy: We've arranged for you to meet with him, if you want to.
Susan: Of course... and I'll wait.
Pete: No. We'll wait.

[last lines]
James: What time is it, Barney?
Barney: 4:47. Why Jim?
James: We've got a tennis court reserved for 5:30. We can just make it.

James: [Pretending to be a People's Tribunal chief judge] Major Howard, you are a squadron leader, Strategic Air Command, Marsh Field.
Barney: [Pretending to be Maj. Thomas Howard USAF] Thomas Howard. Major, United States Air Force. Serial number 708975.
James: You are an enemy of the people.
[Rings the bell]

Barney: [In the tent, preparing to go on in their roles, Barney's standing in front of a mirror, putting on his makeup, for his role as the clown MC. The makeup's 'standard' clown variety; it's stark white, as Dan comes up from behind] What I want to know is; what comedian thought of this makeup?
[Dan and Barney laugh]

Arab: The tanks are excellent. But we shall also require jet fighters.
Barney: There's been some discussion about the extension of oil leases.
Arab: You have bled my people dry.
Barney: For these weapons. We do have other buyers.
Arab: You would hand my enemies the knife to cut my throat? Your filthy organization gives me no choice.
Barney: We will talk about it later.
Arab: Very well.

[last lines]
Rollin: Ariana... how'd you know about that beekeeper?
Ariana: I saw bees. It was a hunch.
Barney: Ariana, I'll never doubt you again... out loud.
Ariana: And you, Rollin?
Rollin: Well, I don't know.
Ariana: You don't know? Then I gave my greatest performance.

Barney: If you can't fight ghosts with logic, fight ghosts with ghosts.

Gunnar: Don't you realize that this is all just a little ridiculous? I'm not a sneak thief.
Willy: You broke into the viewing room and spied on a top-secret meeting.
Gunnar: You people, whoever you are, You've been sniffing around me! I have a right to some explanations.
Barney: You don't have any rights, Mr. Malstrom

[last lines]
Gen. Brenner: The building is safe, Mr. Shambi?
Barney: Yes, it is, General. The defective beam is in the basement. I will send a company of engineers to repair it. Right now, I must make a personal report to the Premier.
Paris: I will accompany you, Mr. Shambi.

Willy: [as they are packing up the circus] You know, I hate to admit it, Barney, I'm tired... I'll be glad to get home.
Barney: [smiling] What, and quit show biz?

[last lines]
DA: We've got them accusing each other.
Barney: You have your case.
DA: Yes, I do. And thank you.
Barney: Mr. Scanlon.

[last lines]
Rollin: I'm kind of sorry.
Barney: Why?
Rollin: Well, for a while there, I almost believed it really could produce diamonds.
Daniel: It did... the one we were after.

Barney: Its getting you out that bothers me. We'll be working right out in the open the whole time.
James: That's what makes the whole idea work.
Cinnamon: You mean we're going to be so conspicuous that nobody's going to notice us.
James: Exactly.

Barney: Gentlemen, I'm Acting Warden Anderson. I'll only be here a few days. Meanwhile, you've been put in my custody. As long as you observe the rules of this institution, you'll be treated fairly by myself, Mr. Fort, and all other members of the prison staff. Failure to observe those rules will result in punishment based upon the severity of the offense. Now, that can range from loss of privileges to a term in solitary confinement. If at any time you feel that you wish to speak to me personally, one of the guards will bring you to my office without unnecessary delay. Are there any questions? Which one of you is Lawrence Edison?
Larry: Here, sir.
Barney: Mr. Fort has recommended that you be put in a private cell in the maximum security wing. Why is that, Mr. Fort?
Joe: Oh, just a precautionary measure, Warden. According to the grapevine, Edison has enemies in here.
Barney: Do you know who they are?
Joe: No, sir.
Barney: Do you, Edison?
Larry: No, sir.
Barney: Then I see no reason to approve this recommendation. Assign each of these men to the cell I've indicated.

Cinnamon: Señora Santel; I do owe you an apology
Riva: Oh, no - call me 'Riva'. Even the children call me that.
Cinnamon: OK, Riva, then you do forgive me. It was foolish of me to even suggest...
Riva: Please; do not apologise. It is I who should apologise to you. After all, this is your profession, and I should accept your, erm... advice.
Cinnamon: I have known so many fantastic people in the theatre, and learned such marvelous tricks.
Riva: [Suprised] You've been in the theatre?
Cinnamon: [Authoritatively] I've been in the theatre for me than fifty...
[pauses when she realise what she's saying]
Cinnamon: ... I've been in the theatre most of my life
[Rivals looks at Candy quizzical]
Cinnamon: ... 'erm, up until recently.
[Cinnamon walls away]
Barney: [Said within purposeful earshot of Riva] How about that Candy?
[chuckles]
Barney: 'Just recently'. 30 years that she was on Broadway
Willy: I'd say it's more like 40 years.
[Riva ponders what she's just heard and seen]

Barney: It's the end of the second Millennium, it's the end of the whole damn world!

[Jim Phelps, Willie, and Paris are admiring Barney's latest device, a Remotely Operated Vehicle, ROV, with drill, similar to Pipeline Inspection Gauge or PIG used in Oil and Gas Industry, Paris is holding a Nine of Diamonds card up to its camera]
James: Great, Barney.
Barney: There'll be no transmission problems, Jim, because the Presidential Mansion has its own television transmitter. We'll simply piggyback onto the parabolic antenna and get a strong signal.
James: Mm-hm. Now, their normal method of sending coded messages is by transatlantic cable, but for extra security precautions, the invasion plans are being delivered by a courier from the UPR. He'll arrive at three o'clock.
Willy: Will it just be in code form?
James: No, no, it'll be treated the same as the other messages. It's a unique process where the code is hidden by a photographic overlay. Some kind of chemical spray is placed between the code and the photograph allowing them to be joined together, and another spray separates them once the message has been transmitted.
Barney: Once the courier's photograph gets into the communications room and is removed, the code's only visible for a few seconds.
James: That'll be long enough.

[last lines]
Paris: Is Jim all right?
Dana: I reached him. I hope it was in time.
Barney: [on the phone] Give me the police.

[last lines]
Willy: You're not a bad actor, Rollin.
Rollin: How were the ratings?
Barney: It was on the entire network.
Cinnamon: 40 or 50 million viewers.
Daniel: I'd say that Townsend and McMillan are suffering from overexposure.

[last lines]
Barney: [on the phone] Jim... Jim! Are you all right?
James: Yeah, Barney. I'm all right.
Barney: Good. We'll meet you at the hotel.
James: [to Annette] Thanks.

[last lines]
Barney: Jim.
Amara: [in a slave cell] Please, no.
James: I know, I know. Make it as easy on her as you can, will you , Barney?
Amara: Please help me! You're making a terrible mistake, please... Please... Please... Please help me. Help me! You don't know what you're doing. Please!

[last lines]
James: You okay?
Barney: Mm-hmm. Jim. The computer.
James: That should wrap up Dexter and the General very neatly.

Cinnamon: [Cinnamon is trying on a mask] How'd I look?
Daniel: Let's just say it works.
Cinnamon: OK, I'll wear it.
Barney: You might be starting a whole style.
Cinnamon: Mm... Can I wear one with a pattern? Flowers, lace, something?
Daniel: Nope.
Cinnamon: You have no fashion sense.
Daniel: Nope.

Guard: What are you doing there?
Barney: I'm looking for some basil for Mr. Leo's dinner.

Barney: You're bleeding!
Tosk: [Sarcastically] You noticed.

[during the initial briefing]
Barney: What about the house, Paris? Was there enough information?
Paris: Would you like to know how many carpet tacks there are in any particular room?

[last lines]
[in car waiting for Rollin]
Dr. Karen Cherlotov: Where is he?
Dr. Helmut Cherlotov: Something has gone wrong.
Barney: Don't worry, he'll be here.
[back in the lab]
Rollin: [to Jankowski while placing a towel over his bullet wound before he leaves] Press on this.

Gunnar: An alliance between Pendulum and your organization? That's fantasy.
Lisa: Gunnar, Is it so unbelievable? Our only concern is unnecessary conflict -- Your plans blocking ours.
Barney: We know that you're planning a military coup.
Gunnar: You don't know a thing. You can't!
Lisa: Gunnar, we've picked up information ranging from collusion and bribery to assassination, and they're all dangerous areas
James: We're close
Barney: Who would they aim at? The Chief of Staff, The President? Don't be stupid. Give Malstrom credit for more brains than that. I would say it's a less obvious target.
Lisa: Perhaps somebody in Planning or Intelligence.
Gunnar: And perhaps Santa Claus. This is absurd.
Barney: Is it, Malstrom?
James: Military intelligence and an assassination.
Willy: I'll give Barney the names of Military Intelligence people.

[last lines]
Willy: You're looking real good, Mimi.
Barney: How's the shoulder today?
Mimi: Fine. Pain's all gone. Getting out tomorrow.
James: I think you're a lot happier about getting well than Gordon Holt was.

[last lines]
Barney: What do you think they'll do to Brobin when they find out he's let it slip through his fingers?
Rollin: They'll probably keep him right there in that padded cell. Where I left him.

[last lines]
Matthew: I knew if I took a shot at you, you'd lead me to the right place.
Van: It wasn't you. It was the earthquake.
Matthew: What earthquake?
James: Very good question.
Barney: Drop the gun, Royce.

Barney: [lays down his poker hand] Aces up.
Cinnamon: You can't have an ace of clubs. I have one.
Terry: Three kings.
Rollin: Well, that beats my five-pair.
[lays down about 15 cards]

[last lines]
Barney: Well, so much for the Fourth Reich.

Barney: [the team arrives, and the bad guys are shooting it out] Somebody else got into the act.
James: Yeah, lets go!

[last lines]
[stopping a drink from being poured]
Barney: No more.
Lois: I don't want to go back.
Barney: Mrs. Stoner?
Lois: Please, help me.
Barney: I will.

Barney: What is that thing?
Cinnamon: Eyelash curler.
Barney: That's the most diabolical-looking piece of equipment I've ever seen.

[last lines]
Daniel: Will he be all right?
Roger: Yes. But, as soon as we get across the border, we'll all have to get the treatment. We've all been exposed to him.
Barney: So was Passik.
Cinnamon: Yes, but he doesn't know it.

Colonel: I think you're all thieves. Performers, yes, but petty thieves as well. I intend to keep my eye on you from now on. Remember that.
Cinnamon: That's trouble.
Daniel: We can't have him watching us, even for the wrong reason.
Barney: Do we take him out?
Daniel: Yes.

Barney: A cat picks your pocket, it doesn't matter what color it is.

[last lines]
Barney: [to Siomney] Don't be too hard on Frederico. He didn't have too much to say about it.

[first lines]
Barney: The computer's on the other side of this wall, Willie. We'll have to move these.
Willy: Right.

Daniel: How much juice in that fence?
Barney: Enough. You can't get deader than dead.

Willy: [after swapping out the diamond] Can't tell this one from the fake.
Barney: No, not if you don't look too closely.

[last lines]
Barney: They've got it.
James: Lets go.

Barney: Mayor Tallman, I want to make sure you understand. We have enough against you in conspiracy charges to put you away for ten years, but the Governor doesn't want to prosecute.
Mayor: Don't give me that. Why did he set me up if he doesn't want to put me away?
Barney: He wants Peck. Testify against him and you have your freedom. Don't be a fool. You don't owe Charlie Peck anything. He tried to kill you. Remember?

[last lines]
Cinnamon: The stockholders of Lowell's investment funds will be glad to get these back.
Byron: You don't think they'll mind that the game was fixed?
Willy: That's right. What if Lowell comes back to the United States and presses charges?
Barney: He could, you know. After serving 99 years or so for embezzlement.
Rollin: We'll worry about it then, okay?