The Best Brad Quotes

Brad: I got fired from Bed, Bath, and Beyond for telling inappropriate jokes. I mean, get a sense of humor, LaShawda. You know how they are.
Marshall: "They" meaning Bed, Bath, and Beyond employees, right?
Brad: Nah. Women.
Marshall: That still could've been worse.

Brad: Frog Lake.
- Behold... nature's beauty.
- Polluted?
- Polluted with good times.
- WOMAN [sensuously]: Frog... Lake.

Brad: Ladies and... ladies of the jury. Sorry if I seem down, my girlfriend Kara, broke up with me last night.
[female jurors sigh]

Robin: Back to the sun rising over Ted and, uh... Oh, what tasteful way did you describe her?
Brad: The girl with the smackable ass.
Robin: Yes, that's the young lady.

Kara: [after hearing Lily broke up with Marshall] You should sue her.
Brad: Uh, really? On what ground, Kara?
Kara: On the grounds of... shut up.
[Drinks from a keg then throws up]
Narrator: That's our Attorney General.

Brad: [At Marshall's law party] Yo, what's up, ladies? Welcome to the party. Yeah! Just need you to sign this release protecting the host from any and all responsibility should you harm yourself or a third party. Then freakin' rage! Yeah!