The Best Brian Michael Smith Quotes

Owen: Wait for it.
Paul: I know who did this.

Mateo: When is TK coming back?
Marjan: He needs to heal.
Mateo: So, like a couple of weeks?
Judd: No, sooner than that.
Marjan: He was shot.
Judd: Yeah, I heard that a firefighter in Los Angeles had a piece of rebar go through his brain, and then he was back at work like within a month.
Marjan: That's impossible.
Judd: Well, my buddy swears it's true.
Paul: [chuckles] Hmh, California, man.

Paul: Look. I hope you're not expecting us to pretend like we don't see those dark clouds hanging over your head.
Owen: Dark clouds? There are no clouds.
Paul: Those frown lines between your eyes would beg to differ.
Owen: Has anyone ever told you that when you do your thing, it feels a little bit like a violation?
Marjan: Yes, all the time.

Mateo: Paul did it!
Paul: Objection!

Judd: Come on, there ain't nothing to be afraid of. I promise you'll all have fun.
Paul: Yeah, said the wolf to Red Riding Hood.
T.K. Strand: Seriously.
Marjan: What are you guys talking about?
T.K. Strand: Well, I host a friendly little game of Texas Hold 'Em with some firefighters from around town, and we had a chair open up for tonight's game, so. So, who's in? TK?
T.K. Strand: I'm good. I know a rope-a-dope when I see one.
Judd: Strickland?
Paul: Nah, cards bore me. It's too easy to see everyone's tells. Also, I crave sleep.
Judd: Marwani?
Marjan: Oh, gambling's not really my jam, and don't even ask Probie. He's gotta study.
Judd: Here I thought y'all were my friends.
Owen: I'll play.
Judd: Oh.
Owen: Unless you don't want me to.
Judd: No, it ain't that. It's just, you know, I don't-- This really ain't your scene, Cap, that's all. It's just a bunch of Texas roughnecks talking smack and drinking cheap beer.
T.K. Strand: I thought it was supposed to be a friendly game, Judd.
Owen: It'd be fun to hang out with the locals, play a little cards, and-- unless there's some other reason you don't want me to come.
Judd: No! Let's do it.

Judd: Hey Dumbass! Dumbasser!
Judd: Did you stop and consider the consequences of what you're about to do at all?
Eddie: You obviously don't know Buck.
Marjan: You two didn't seriously think that you could sneak off and drive into wildfires, did you?
T.K. Strand: Yes?
Paul: Well, that ain't gonna happen.
Evan: You think you're gonna stop us?
Mateo: Stop you? We're going with you.
Eddie: Come on, let's go.

Paul: Man, that's like something out of The Mummy. How the hell does one of these things even start anyway?
Marjan: They happen in Lebanon. All it takes is a downburst of low-pressure air into a big, dry patch of soil and boom, you've got yourself a haboob.
Judd: Say what?
Marjan: Haboob. Massive dust storm. That's what they're called.
Paul: That's just not right.
Judd: I know. Mother Nature ain't no joke.
Paul: No, I mean that she just said the word "haboob" and Probie wasn't here to enjoy it.

Judd: [looking at a building covered in ice] It looks kinda like Elsa, from "Frozen", her palace.
Paul: Yo man, you watch "Frozen"?
Judd: I've got a daughter on the way!

Paul: What the hell is going on?
Judd: We' are having a conversation.
Paul: Yeah, with a bunch of exclamation points!