The Best Brooke Quotes

Jess: Schmidt! Schmidt, I need you to help me get these off so I can go find Nick!
Brooke: God, are you friends with that girl?
Jess: Schmidt!
Schmidt: Okay, look, I... I didn't want to have to tell you this, but... she was a mistake I made when I hit rock bottom. It was like I was her Sid and she was my Nancy, and then I got sober and she couldn't deal with it, and the poor thing just went... she went crazy.
Jess: Schmidt, I need you to come help me slap my thighs around!
Schmidt: Look, I don't want to scare you, but she can be really dangerous when she drinks. Okay? I shouldn't even be in the same room with her, it's just... it feels so good talking to you.
Brooke: Maybe we should get you out of here.
Schmidt: What a great idea. Yes!
Brooke: I just have to go to the bathroom really quickly.
Schmidt: What-whatever you need. Whatever you... of course.

Jess: Schmidt is very fond of you.
Brooke: Um, look, I don't... I-I-I... I, uh, I don't even really know him that well, okay?
Jess: Oh. I'm just cutting off my underwear. You know.
[singsong]
Jess: Girl stuff.