The Best Brooks Quotes

Brooks: I'm a fraud, Max. I'm not the carefree dude that wins at everything he touches. You know how I win? I cheat. I cheat at everything. I even cheated when we were kids playing Battleship.
Max: What?
Brooks: Didn't you ever wonder why I made you sit with your back to the TV? It was so I could see your ships in the reflection. I mean, I even took five grand every time we played Monopoly, before we even started playing the game. I cheated at the game of life. And at The Game of Life.

Brooks: [dangling keys] Whoever finds the victim wins the grand prize: the keys to the Stingray.
Max: What?
Annie: Wow.
Ryan: [densely] Just the keys?
Brooks: No, Ryan, the whole car.
Ryan: [childishly] Oh, yes! Oh, man!

Max: You didn't invest in Panera?
Brooks: I ate at Panera.

Brooks: We can't go to the cops. The Bulgarian's got a ton of moles.
Annie: On his face?
Brooks: No, in the police department.

Max: Very nice house, Tony Stark. Should we give our drink orders to JARVIS?
Brooks: I got the Tony Stark part, but then you went full nerd on me.

Brooks: You know, you don't have to do this because I can just poop it out.
The: We're not gonna go digging through your feces. That's disgusting! Now, hold still while I cut your stomach open.