The Best Dana Foster Quotes

Dana: J.T.? Where is J.T.?
Alicia: J.T.!
[J.T. screams as he falls down the chimney]
Dana: J.T., you're under the fireplace!
John Thomas 'J.T.' Lambert: Tell me something I don't know.
Alicia: Well, are you all right?
John Thomas 'J.T.' Lambert: [sarcastically] I'm great. I'm thinking of moving my bed in here! Can you get me out? Hel-lo!

Cody: Have no fear! The CodeMan's here!
Papa: Hold on there, Lambert! He's not family!
Cody: Dude! I'm her fiancé.
Dana: What?
[plays along]
Dana: Hi, honey.

John Thomas 'J.T.' Lambert: I'm sick of doing laundry! I mean we're the parents, right? Why can't we just burn this stuff and buy new clothes?
Dana: Look, don't tell me your problems, I've been in this kitchen all day cooking for those brats. 'I'm hungry', 'I want a sandwich', 'make me a hamburger', what do they think this is, a restaurant?

Dana: You guys are hot! There is blood in the water, I can smell it! I love blood!
Cody: Dana's right, a little grizzly, but right.

Dana: How am I supposed to get to the library?
Carol: What's the matter, are your legs broken? Walk.
Dana: Walk? It's almost a mile!
Frank: Wow, a mile, better hitch up the camels.

Dana: Mom, can I borrow the car?
Carol: Sorry honey, I need it today.
Dana: For what?
Carol: Oh nothing much, I just have to pick up the cleaning, go to the post office, take Al to soccer practice, Brendan to Little League, go to the bank, the hardware store, the shoe repair and the drugstore. You know, just a joyriding kind of day.

Dana: [Cody drops a box on her breakfast] Cody, do you mind picking up that box?
Cody: Well yeah, it's kind of heavy, that's why I put it down.
Dana: You just squashed my breakfast.
Cody: No way!
[picks up the box, the waffle's stuck to the box]
Cody: Doesn't look very appetizing, you were going to eat that?
Dana: Not anymore.

Dana: What're you doing with all these books anyway?
Cody: These are the books I read last week, I'm taking them back to the library.
Dana: You read all those books in a week?
Cody: Yeah buddy, yeah I took a speed reading course.
Dana: What made you do that?
Cody: Very interesting story. Well I was watching that movie Psycho you know, eeh eeh eeh! Well anyway, that dude Norman Bates was a taxidermist so I thought, whoa, stuffing dead animals, that sounds pretty cool. So I went down to the community college to take a taxidermy course.
Dana: What does that have to do with speed reading?
Cody: Oh man, did I leave that part out? Well anyway, all the taxidermy classes were full, so I took a speed reading course instead. Now I can read a book like a banshee but I can't stuff a parrot to save my life.

Dana: Lose the Elton John shoes.
Rich: But they're really working for me.
Dana: No, they're really, really not.

Carol: Well, I'm off to the mall.
Dana: Wait a second. Car keys.
Carol: Excuse me?
Dana: I need the car to go grocery shopping.
Carol: Well how am I supposed to get to the mall?
Dana: What's the matter? Are your legs broken? Walk.
Carol: [murmurs] I'm not liking this game at all.
Dana: Not so far, check book?
Carol: What?
Dana: You're a teenager, you don't have a checkbook. Or credit cards, gimme.
Carol: [groans] Okay, you're the Mom.
Dana: Oh, and uh, take off some of that makeup, I don't want people to think I'm raising a tramp.

Dana: [after hearing a knock on the door] Oh my god. It's my mom. Quick, everybody under the bed.
Traci: Dana, relax. It's not your mother. I'm sure it's just the pizzas.

Alicia: [about Dana's housecleaning getup] Hey Dana.
Dana: Huh?
Alicia: That, is a really good look for you.
Dana: Eat worms.
Alicia: No thanks, I already had your spaghetti last night.

Cody: History is not just a bunch of boring facts, it's about cool things that happened to real life people like us.
Joseph: Man that's bull, history is about guys like me, it's about a bunch of old people.
Cody: No that's where you're wrong, dude, most of the people who fought in the Civil War were the same age as you guys.
Rita: Cha, no way.
Cody: Cha, way!
Dana: Cody's right, in fact, thousands of soldiers who died in the Civil War were under the age of 18.
Rita: Really?