Top 20 Quotes From David Clark

David: What the fuck is that?
Brad: Oh, my orca. Yeah, I bought an orca. I make a lot of money.
David: So you bought a whale?
Brad: Well, I don't like sports cars.

David: Who the fuck is Pablo Chacon?
Brad: I am. Yo soy Pablo Chacon. You don't get a lot of respect from the Mexicans when your name is Brad Gurdlinger, right?

Rose: You're such a dick. Have fun dying alone, jerk.
David: Yeah, have fun digging out those singles from your crotch!
Rose: My crotch only takes twenties, David.

Brad: Go for B-Rad
David: Hey Brad, what the fuck!
Brad: Uh oh, something wrong?
David: Yeah, something's wrong. Something's very, very wrong. You said a smidge of pot, and this is not a smidge.
Brad: Smidge and half, no?
David: Look, you got me moving enough weed to kill Willie fucking Nelson, man. Ok, they are used a god damn bucket brigade to put it on the RV as we speak!
Brad: Wait, you just walked in there, told them you were picking up for Pablo Chacon, and they were like "Yeah, no problem?"
David: Why do you sound suprized by this?

Brad: Listen, this is a fucked up situation. But, I might have a win-win situation for both of us.
David: Great.
Brad: I have a smidge of very choice marijuana down in Mexico, and I need it here by Sunday night, but my regular currier is unavailable on the account of the fact he got gunned down. Anyway, that's where you come in.

David: We are all now officially international drug smugglers. Add it to the resume.

Rose: You're not a neighbor. You're a drug dealer. Whose apartment smells like cheese and feet.
David: Mm. Yeah, it's a candle I got from Anthropologie. 'Cheesy Feet' is what they call it. It's a best-seller.

Scottie P.: You know what I'm sayin?
David: Well, I'm awake and I speak English, so yeah, I know what you're saying.

Brad's: Can I help you?
David: Hi, you ordered two black guys. David Clark, here to see Mr Gurdlinger.
Brad's: I will tell him you're here. Can I get you anything, coffee, tea, Fresca?
David: Hmmmmm, you know what, a Fresca sounds really good.
Brad's: You got it.

David: Oh, my God. You're a dude! Scared the hell out of me! I mean your voice was so much deeper than your bone structure.

David: She's going to be fine. Tattooed kid on a motorcycle. Actually, she might already be pregnant.

David: You can buy a house and run away from it.

David: Do it for the girls. For Rose and Casey, because believe me, they won't last two days in a Mexican prison.
Kenny: OK, I'll do it for the girls.
David: Attaboy! I'm proud of you.
Mexican: Hey, what's going on? Somebody sucking my dick or am I getting 1000 pesos?
David: Pesos? Why didn't you say so?
Mexican: A thousand.
David: Oh, that's like 80 bucks American? Here's a 100. Keep the change.
Mexican: Gracias
David: Can't believe you were gonna suck that guy's dick. Come on, let's go.

Kenny: Hey, David.
David: Hi, Kenny.
Kenny: So, I heard you and Mrs. O'Reilly fighting.
David: It's called flirting, Kenny. You'll learn about it in college. What the hell are you doing up? It's almost two. Where's your mom?
Kenny: Uh, she went for a drink with a friend.
David: When?
Kenny: Last week.

Kenny: FUCK! Oh, my God. I'm gonna die
Rose: Tell us what happened.
Kenny: A fucking sipder bit me, David. It bit me on my balls, on my fucking balls!
Rose: Oh God. Let me see it, Kenny, let me see it.
Kenny: No fucking way, you're not seeing it.
Rose: Come on. I can't help you unless you show it to me. Sweetie just show it to me.
David: Kenny, will you just man up and drop your pants?
Casey: We've all seen a dick!

[during an argument in the RV]
David: We are NOT the fucking Brady Bunch, all right? I'm Marky Mark and y'all are the *Funky Bunch*!

David: [On the phone] We're at the Corrales Regional Medical Center in the middle of Buttfuck, New Mexico.
Brad: Why?
David: Why? Why? Because this goddamn Kenny kid got his fucking nuts bit by a giant-ass spider, that's why!
Brad: That is amazing. Will you let me know if he develops any superpowers?

David: I just got ear-fucked in a tent. What do you want from me?

Casey: These assholes are trying to steal my iPhone!
David: Wait, you have an iPhone? Aren't you homeless?
Casey: So? Fuck you, dude!

Kenny: What did she say?
David: What the fuck do you think? She said no.
Kenny: Cool. So I guess it's just us, then. A little father and son bonding trip to Mexico.
David: Are you kidding? You and me alone in a van? It'll look like the pervert Olympics.