30 Best Ellie Quotes

Ellie: [Reading from a joke book] People are making apocalypse jokes like there's no tomorrow... Too soon.

Ellie: I dreamt about flying the other night.
Joel: Oh yeah?
Ellie: Yeah.
Joel: Go on, tell me about it.
Ellie: So, I'm on this big plane full of people. And everyone is screaming and yelling 'cause the plane's going down. So I walk to the cockpit, open the door, but there's no pilot. I try to use the controls but... I obviously have no clue how to fly a plane. And right before we crash, I wake up. I've never been on a plane. Isn't that weird?
Joel: Hmpf. Well, you know, dreams are weird.

Ellie: That girl is so skinny... I thought you had plenty of food in your time.
Joel: We did. Some just chose not to eat it.
Ellie: Why the hell not?
Joel: For looks.
Ellie: Pffft, that's stupid.

[last lines]
Ellie: You're such an asshole!
Joel: I'm not trying to...
Ellie: I was supposed to die in that hospital. My life would've fucking mattered. But you took that from me.
[Joel expresses his guilt for saving Ellie]
Joel: If somehow the Lord gave me a second chance at that moment... I would do it all over again.
Ellie: Yeah... I just... I don't think I can ever forgive you for that. But I would like to try.
Joel: I'd like that.
Ellie: Okay. I'll see you around.
Joel: Yep.

Dina: [notice everybody staring at them, dancing] Maybe they're jealous of you.
Ellie: I'm just a girl, not a threat.
Dina: Oh Ellie, I think they should be terrified of you.

Ellie: So... why don't you fix one these cars?
[referring to the mass of broken down cars]
Bill: Oh my God, you're a genius. I mean the whole time, why on earth hadn't I thought about fixin' one of these cars?
Ellie: Okay, don't be a dick...
Bill: The tires are rotten and the batteries are dead.

Ellie: Did everyone have boats back then?
Joel: I had a sixty-foot yacht.
Ellie: Really?
Joel: No.

Ellie: [put a hat on the Triceratops skeleton] Joel! Look!
Joel: That is... a hat on a dinosaur.
Ellie: It's called a hatosaur.

Joel: [after Ellie saves him from a hunter] Why didn't you just hang back like I told you to?
Ellie: Well, you're glad I didn't, right?
Joel: I'm glad I didn't get my head blown off by a goddamn kid.
Ellie: You know what? No. How about "Hey, Ellie. I know it wasn't easy, but it was either him or me, thanks for saving my ass." You got anything like that for me, Joel?

Jesse: Go Team Jackson!
Ellie: Fuck these motherfuckers.
Jesse: [high five] Couldn't have said it better.

Ellie: [holds Nora at gunpoint] Don't scream. Put that shit down.
[Nora drops everything and raises her hands up]
Ellie: You remember me? Yeah. You remember me.
Nora: What do you want?
Ellie: Abby was here earlier. Where'd she go?
Nora: I don't know.
[Ellie comes towards Nora]
Nora: You shoot me... the sound will have every soldier come running.
Ellie: You'll still be dead. Tell me where she went and I'll think about letting you go.
Nora: We could have killed you.
Ellie: Maybe you should have. Or maybe you should've stayed the fuck out of Jackson. Where's Abby?
Nora: You still hear his screams?
Ellie: What?
Nora: [nods] I hear them every night...
[nods again]
Nora: Yeah. Yeah, that little bitch got what he deserved.
Ellie: [attempts to strike at Nora] You fucking cunt...
Nora: [throws the tray at Ellie and escapes] Help! Trespasser!

Ellie: I'm sure your "friend" will be missing this tonight.
[pulls out gay porn mag]
Ellie: Light on the reading, but it has some good photos.
Joel: Now Ellie, that ain't for kids.
Ellie: Whoa! How the - how the hell would you even walk around with that thing?
Joel: Get rid of that. Just...
Ellie: Hold your horses, I wanna see what the fuss is about. Why are these pages stuck together?
Joel: Uhh...
Ellie: [laughs] I'm just fucking with you!

Bill: [attempting to start a truck] Battery's dead but the cells are alive.
Joel: Meaning?
Bill: Meaning we push it, get it started, and the alternator will recharge the battery.
Joel: [scoffs, amused] That your guess?
Bill: Look, you wanted a plan B, this is as good as it gets!
Ellie: [walking up to Joel] What're you thinking?
Joel: I'm thinkin' you drive and we push.
[Ellie hops in the car. Joel leans into the window, concerned]
Joel: You gonna be okay with this?
Ellie: Yeah. Not a problem.
Joel: You're doin' a good job. I figure you should know that.
Ellie: I won't let you down with this.

Ellie: I walked in to my sister's room and slipped on her bra. It was a booby trap.

Sam: I've got a joke for you.
Ellie: Let's hear it.
Sam: Why can't your nose be twelve inches long?
Ellie: I don't know, why?
Sam: Because then it would be a foot!
Ellie: Pfft... That's so dumb

Ellie: We're here because you owe Joel some favors, and you can start by taking these off!
[referring to handcuffs dangling from her wrist]
Bill: I owe Joel some favors... is this some kind of joke?
Joel: I'll cut to the chase: I need a car.
Bill: Well, it is a joke. Joel needs a car! Well, if I had one that works, which I sure as hell don't, what makes you think I'd just give it to you? Huh? "Yeah sure, Joel, go ahead, take my car! Take all my food too, while you're at it!
Ellie: By the looks of it, you could lose some of that food.
Bill: [Points a knife at her] You listen to me, you little shit...
Ellie: No, fuck you! You handcuffed me!

Ellie: It doesn't matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

Ellie: I got one for you. What's the quietest animal on a farm? A Shhhhhh-eeep. When you're older, you're going to have a deep appreciation for these jokes.

Ellie: What did the mermaid wear to her math class?
Joel: [Annoyed] What?
Ellie: An algae-bra.
Joel: [scoffs] Terrible...
Ellie: Why did the scarecrow get a promotion?
Joel: Alright...
Ellie: Because he was outstanding... In his field.
Joel: That'll do.

Ellie: Did you remember the joke?
Joel: What is the downside to eating a clock? It's time consuming.
Ellie: [laughs] That's so dumb.

Ellie: [tired with inflected] Fuck Seattle.

Joel: We don't have to do this. You know that, right?
Ellie: What's the other option?
Joel: Go back to Tommy's. Just... be done with this whole thing.
Ellie: After all we've been through. I mean, everything that I've done.
[sighs wearily]
Ellie: It can't be for nothing. Look, I know you mean well, but there's no halfway with this. Once we're done, we'll go wherever you want. Okay?
Joel: Well, I ain't leavin' without you. Let's go wrap this up.

Ellie: What did the green grape say to the purple grape? "Breath, you idiot!"

Ellie: Hearing them talk, it's good to know they're scared of you.
Joel: Yeah, well, just try not to let your guard down.
Ellie: I'm just saying, I'm glad you're on my side.
[Joel doesn't respond]
Ellie: That was a compliment.
Joel: Okay.

Ellie: Okay, one more. What do you get when you cross an angry sheep and a mad cow? An animal that's in a baaaa-ad mooooo-ood.

Ellie: ...Then you give the ball to the other team?
Joel: Right. It's called turnover.
Ellie: And if you clear the ten yards then you're back at... first down?
Joel: First down, that's right.
Ellie: Man, it's confusing.
Joel: You just gotta play it a couple times, it'll all make sense.

Ellie: I shot the hell out of that guy, huh?

Ellie: [about Tess, in horror] Holy shit... she's infected.
Tess: Joel...
Joel: Let me see it.
Tess: I didn't mean for this...
Joel: Show it to me!
[Tess resentfully jerks her shirt collar aside, revealing a festering bite on her clavicle]
Joel: Oh, Christ.
Tess: Oops, right?
[to Ellie]
Tess: Give me your arm!
[pulls Ellie's sleeve back, points at the month-old bite mark on her arm]
Tess: This was three weeks! I was bitten an hour ago, and it's already worse. This is fucking real, Joel! You have got to get this girl to Tommy's. He used to run with this crew, he'll know where to go.
Joel: No, no, no! That was your crusade, I am not doing that!
Tess: Yes, you are! Look... there's enough here that you have to feel some sort of obligation to me. So you get her to Tommy's!

Joel: I've struggled... a long time with survivan'. & you- no matter what... you keep finding something to fight for. Now, I know that's not what you want to hear right now, but it's...
Ellie: Swear to me. Swear to me that everything you said about the fireflies is true.
Joel: I Swear.
Ellie: [after a long pause] Okay.

Ellie: Holy shit. We actually made it.
Joel: Everyone okay?
Tess: Yes. Let's move.
Ellie: You guys are pretty good at this stuff.
Joel: It's called luck, and it is gonna run out.