The Best Ernest Quotes

Ernest: I know that you're not going to sue, because you are both going to sign love contracts, consensual relationship agreements.
Dr. Gregory House: Well, obviously outside counsel will have to review the crotchless undies clause.

Ernest: Are there any supervisory issues with Dr. House's current caseload?
Dr. Gregory House: Nope. Current case is solved. Patient has long QT, we're gonna scare her into a cardiac arrest to confirm.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: No, we're not.
Dr. Gregory House: Okay. No, we're not. See? Everything is under control.

Ernest: Now, how would you describe the exact nature of the relationship?
Dr. Gregory House: Have you ever seen Wild Kingdom? Those insects that rip their partners' heads off after copulating.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: It's a sexual relationship.
Dr. Gregory House: Go slowly now. He's writing it down.

Dr. Lisa Cuddy: I believe that I can still supervise Dr. House effectively, but we both want to follow hospital policy to the letter.
Ernest: Our concern is to make sure that there's no conflict of interest, no liability for the hospital...
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: You think we're gonna sue if things go south?
Dr. Gregory House: Let me tell you, she actually does go...
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: House. Let him talk.

Ernest: We'll also need to watch for any favoritism toward Dr. House.
Dr. Gregory House: Does that mean she has to sleep with everyone?