50 Best Midnight Cowboy Quotes

Hat: No, it no - it no belong to yours. It belongs somebody else.

Sally: You look real nice, lover boy, real nice. Make your old grandma proud. You're gonna be the best-looking cowboy in the whole parade.

[first lines]
Joe: Whoopee-tee-yi-yo. Get along little dogies. It's your misfortune and none of my own.

Ratso: It's a come-on.
Joe: Yeah, you know what this is? This is a come-on to a party, is what it is.
Ratso: It's a couple of wackos advertising. Where does it say to go? Klein's Bargain Basement? You go there and get a ten-year subscription to the Encyclopedia Britannica.

Ratso: Okay, go ahead. Come on. Take a look.
Joe: Don't rush me, boy. Gotta take your time here. Get myself primed up, like I was turnin' on the charm for some pretty little blonde lady, you know? Then when I'm feelin' cool and good - I spin around! And there you are, you handsome devil you!
Ratso: Not bad. Not bad. For a cowboy. You're okay. You're okay.

Shirley: Well, it happens. Don't worry about it.
Joe: Well, it ain't never happened to me before! You can bet your bottom dollar on that. Where's the matches, ma'am?
Shirley: Over there behind that thing. Maybe if you didn't call me ma'am' - things might work out better.
Joe: That's the first goddamn time the thing ever quit on me. That's a fact. You think I'm lyin' to you?
Shirley: No. No, I don't think you're lying. I just had this funny image. I had this image of a policeman without his stick and a bugler without his horn etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.
[laughs]
Shirley: Oh. Well, I think I'm making it worse. Maybe we oughta take a little nap and see what happens.
Joe: I ain't sleepy.
Shirley: Oh. I know. Scribbage!

Ratso: I'm invitin' you. I mean, if you're not located, I got a place. I'm invitin' you, goddammit!
Joe: You're invitin'! Shit!

Joe: Keep your meathooks off my radio!

Shirley: Why a cowboy whore? Did you know we were gonna make it?
Ratso: So, you really wanna do business?
Shirley: Who is he?
[Joe Laughs]
Shirley: Don't tell me you two are a couple.
[Joe and Rizzo laugh]
Shirley: Hey. Why are you laughing, Joe? Are you really a cowboy?
Joe: Well, I'll tell you the truth now. I ain't a for-real cowboy, but I am one hell of a stud!
Ratso: A very expensive stud and I happen to be his manager.
Shirley: How much is this gonna cost me?
Ratso: Twenty bucks.
Shirley: Okay.
Ratso: And taxi fare for me.
Shirley: Oh, get lost, will ya?
Ratso: I agree, but for that service I charge one buck taxi fare. Okay?
Shirley: Yeah, okay, okay, okay.

Cass: [Cass is on the phone while Joe Buck is foreplaying with her] Oh God... Nothing, I'm talking to Baby. I'm talking to the dog, Maury... please, you're annoying me! Here, why don't you say hello to Baby?
[She puts the phone near her toy poodle's ear]
Maury: Hello, Baby. Hello, Baby! Hello, ya goddamn dog! Bow wow wow! Bow wow wow!

Ratso: The two basic items necessary to sustain life, are sunshine and coconut milk. Didya know that? That's a fact! In Florida, they you got a terrific amount of coconut trees there. In fact, I think they even got 'em in the, eh, gas stations over there.

Ratso: Here I am, goin' to Florida, my leg hurts, my butt hurts, my chest hurts, my face hurts, and like that ain't enough, I gotta pee all over myself.
[Joe Buck laughs]
Ratso: That's funny? I'm fallin' apart here!
Joe: It's just - Know what happened? You just took a little rest stop that wasn't on the schedule!

Towny: Oh, Joe it's... it's so difficult, I - You're a nice person, Joe, I- I- I should never have asked you up here, you're... You're a lovely person, really. Oh, God, I loathe life, I loathe it! Please go, please.

Joe: It just ain't right cheatin' from a pregnant lady.

Mr. O'Daniel: Lonesome! I'm lonesome, so I'm a drunk. I'm lonesome, so I'm a dope fiend.
Woman : Shut up!
Mr. O'Daniel: I'm lonesome, so I'm a thief. I'm lonesome, so I'm a fornicator, a whoremonger!
Woman : You phony!

Ratso: You got more ladies in Miami than in any resort area in the country there. I think per capita, on a given day, there's probably, eh, three hundred of 'em on the beach. In fact, you can't even scratch yourself without getting a belly button there up the old kazoo there.

Jackie: Ratso.
Ratso: The name's Rizzo.
Jackie: That's what I said. Ratso.

Ratso: I'm scared.
Joe: What are you scared of?
Ratso: You know what they do to you when they know you can't... When they find out that you can't wa - walk. Oh, Christ!

Ratso: I'm Rico, all the time. OK? We're gonna tell all these new people my name's Rico.

Ratso: Sir, where's mine? The black homburg. I brought it in at the same time.
Hat: Well, I tell-a you, I don't know. You no have a-hats a-here, mister. You gotta bring me the ticket and you get a-hat.

Jackie: I just want to ask you one thing, cowboy. If you're sitting here, and he's sitting all the way over there, then how's he gonna get his hand into your pocket? Oh, but I guess he has that all figured out. 'Night, toots.
[walks away]
Ratso: Faggot!
Jackie: [offscreen] Provolone!
Ratso: Faggot!

Joe: You know, Cass, that's a funny thing you mentioning money - 'cause I was just about to ask you for some.
Cass: You were gonna ask me for money? Huh?
Joe: Well, hell, why do you think I come all the way up here from Texas for?
Cass: You were gonna ask me for money. Who the hell do you think you're dealing with? Some old slut on 42nd Street? In case you didn't happen to notice it - you big Texas longhorn bull - I'm one hell of a gorgeous chick!

Gretel: Why are you stealing food?
Ratso: I was just, uh, noticing that you're out of salami. I think you oughtta have somebody go over to the delicatessen, you know, bring some more back.
Gretel: Gee, well, you know, it's free. You don't have to steal it.
Ratso: Well, if it's free, then I ain't stealin'.

Joe: I'm Joe Buck from Texas.
Ratso: Enrico Rizzo, from the Bronx.
Joe: And I'm gonna buy you a drink. What the hell you think of that?
Ratso: Well, I don't mind if I do.

Joe: [Rizzo polishes Joe's boots] Hey, you pretty damn good at that. I'll bet you could make a living at it if you tried.
Ratso: And end up a hunchback like my old man? You think I'm crippled, you should have caught him at the end of the day. My old man spent 14 hours a day down in that subway. He come home at night - 2,3 dollars worth of change stained with shoe polish. Stupid bastard coughed his lungs out from breathing in that wax all day. Even a faggot undertaker couldn't get his nails clean. They had to bury him with gloves on.

Ratso: I'm walking here! I'm walking here!

Ratso: I gotta get outta here, gotta get outta here. Miami Beach, that's where you could score. Anybody can score there, even you. In New York, no rich lady with any class at all buys that cowboy crap anymore. They're laughin' at you on the street.
Joe: Ain't nobody laughin' at me on the street.
Ratso: Behind your back, I've seen 'em laughin' at you, fella.
Joe: Aw, what the hell you know about women anyway? When's the last time you scored, boy?
Ratso: That's a matter I only talk about at confession. We're not talkin' about me now.
Joe: And when's the last time you've been to confession?
Ratso: It's between me and my confessor. And I'll tell ya another thing. Frankly, you're beginning to smell. And for a stud in New York, that's a handicap.
Joe: Well, don't talk to me about clean. I ain't never seen you change your underwear once the whole time I've been here in New York. And that's pretty peculiar behavior.
Ratso: I don't have to do that kind of thing in public. I ain't got no need to expose myself.
Joe: [cruelly] No, I bet you don't. I bet you ain't never even been laid! How about that? And you're gonna tell me what appeals to women!
Ratso: I know enough to know that that great big, dumb cowboy crap of yours don't appeal to nobody except every jockey on 42nd Street. That's faggot stuff! You wanna call it by its name? That's strictly for fags!
Joe: John Wayne! You wanna tell me he's a fag?
[after a long pause]
Joe: I like the way I look. It makes me feel good. It does. And women like me, god-dammit. Hell, only one thing I've ever been good for is lovin'. Women go crazy for me. That's a really true fact. Ratso, hell: Crazy Annie, they had to send her away.
Ratso: Then how come you ain't scored once, the whole time you've been in New York?
Joe: 'Cause, 'cause I need management, god-dammit. 'Cause you stole twenty dollars offa me. That's why you're gonna stop crappin' around about Florida. And, and get your skinny butt movin.' And earn twenty dollars worth of management which you owe me.

Joe: I like the way I look. Makes me feel good, it does. And women like me, goddammit. Hell, the only one thing I ever been good for is lovin'. Women go crazy for me, that's a really true fact! Ratso, hell! Crazy Annie they had to send her away!
Ratso: Then, how come you ain't scored once the whole time you been in New York?

Ratso: Woman starts crying, I'd cut my heart out for her.
Jackie: [passing by] That's a great idea. In fact, you just sit tight and I'll cut it out with my fingernail file, Ratso.
Ratso: The name's Rizzo.
Jackie: That's what I said: Ratso.

Ratso: It's stupid, a stud like you paying. You don't wanna be stupid.

Joe: Well, I hope you know what you're in for. I'm a truly dangerous person, I am. And some- someone does me bad, like you... I swear, if I'd have caught up with you that night there would've been one dead Ratso along by now, you understand me? You hear?
Ratso: [deadpan] I'm impressed. You're a killer.

Ralph: What are you gonna do back East?
Joe: Lot of rich women back there, Ralph, beggin' for it. Payin' for it too.
Ralph: Yeah?
Joe: Yeah. Hell, yeah. An the men, they're mostly tutti-fruttis.
Ralph: Oh, I'll bet you it's a mess back there.
Joe: So, I'm gonna cash in on some of that, right!
Ralph: I don't know. I don't know nothin' about it.
Joe: Hell! What do I got to stay around here for? I got places to go, right!

Annie: Do you love me, Joe? Do you love me? Do you love me? You're the only one, Joe. You're the only one. You're better than the rest of them. You're better than any of them. You love me, Joe? You're better than all of them. You're the best. Love me, Joe. Joe! Joe? Joe. Do you love me, Joe? Do you love me? Love me. You're the only one, Joe. You're the only one. You're the best, Joe. You're the best.

Ratso: Excuse my vulgarity.

Joe: Sometimes you make me want to puke, Ratso.
Ratso: Joe, uh, do me one favor, huh? This is my place. Am I wrong?
Joe: No, you ain't wrong.
Ratso: You know, in my own place, my name ain't Ratso. I mean, it just so happens that in my own place my name - is Enrico Salvatore Rizzo.
Joe: Well, I can't say all that.
Ratso: Rico, then. At least call me Rico in my own God damn place.
Joe: Ok. Rico, Rico, Rico. Rico, Rico, Rico, Rico. Is that enough for you?
Ratso: That's fine.

Party: What's the matter? How did you get crippled?
Ratso: I slipped on a banana peel.

Ratso: Go ahead. Get the money. Listen, get the cash! Remember that lady in the penthouse. Get the cash! Those rich ladies write out a check at night and then in the morning they call the bank and stop payment. Go ahead.

Ratso: How was she?
Joe: Well, she went crazy, if you want to know the damn truth of it.
Ratso: Yeah?
Joe: Yeah. She turned into a damn alley cat.

Ratso: Where you been? 42nd Street? That's where you been.

Shirley: 'Gay' ends in 'Y'. Hmm? Do you like that?
Joe: Cut that out.
Shirley: Gay. Fay. Is that your problem, baby?
Joe: I'm gonna show you my darn problem!

Joe: Hey, you know, Ratso, Rico, I mean, I got this damn thing all figured out. When we get to Miami, what I'm gonna do is get some sort of job, you know? 'Cause, hell, I ain't no kind of hustler. I mean, there must be an easier way of makin' a livin' than that!

Joe: I'm brand, spankin' new in this here town and I was hopin' to get a look at the Statue of Liberty.
Cass: It's up in Central Park, taking a leak. If you hurry, you can catch the supper show.

[At the gravesite of his father]
Ratso: He was even dumber than you. He couldn't even write his own name. "X," that's what it ought to say on that goddamn headstone, one big lousy "X". Just like our dump. Condemned by order of City Hall.

Joe: Uh, well, sir, I ain't a f'real cowboy. But I am one helluva stud!

Ratso: Come on man, don't hit me. Come on, man. Come on, I'm a cripple!
Joe: I ain't gonna hit you!
Ratso: Come on...
Joe: I'm gonna STRANGLE you to death!

Shirley: You fell. Hey fella, you fell.

Joe: I only get car sick on boats. But, it seems to me that's more the fish smell than the bouncing.

Ratso: You want the word on that brother-and-sister act, Hansel's a fag and Gretel's got the hots for herself, so who cares, right? Load up on the salami.

Ratso: You didn't kill him, did you? You got blood on your jacket.
Joe: I don't want to talk about it.

Joe: [singing] I got a telephone call from Jesus, I got him on the line...