The Best Nancy Walker Quotes

Blanche: Dorothy, shall I get Angela's luggage?
Dorothy: She doesn't have any luggage.
Angela: No, I never travel with luggage. Ever since the time I found a dead man in my suitcase.
Blanche: You found a dead man in your suitcase?
Angela: Right. Picture it. New York City. 1956. I was a young widow returning to Sicily. There I was on the boat alone, watching Lady Liberty grow smaller in the distance. When suddenly I heard a voice from the vicinity of my knees. I looked down. There was a midget. It turns out that his name was Peewee Bonbunzi, and he was fleeing from the Mob. For the next few days, we ate together, laughed together, and went for short walks in circles. And then, one day, suddenly Peewee disappeared. Well, we docked in Sicily and I was going through customs. And I noticed a strange odor coming from my suitcase. I thought it was the veal shank that I was bringing over for Mother's Day. But when the customs man opened the suitcase, there was Peewee. Someone had stuffed him in my suitcase between the veal shank and my beaver coat. Well, the Mob had gotten Peewee after all.
Blanche: Oh, God, you must have been heartbroken.
Angela: I was absolutely devastated. I mean, first I had to burn the suitcase and then the beaver coat. And the veal shank never did taste right.
Dorothy: Oh, Aunt Angela, you made that up.
Angela: Hey, I'm 80. As long as I keep talking, I know my heart is still beating.
Blanche: Angela, may I offer you something to eat?
Angela: As long as it isn't veal. Why it's not because of Peewee. I had some on the plane.

Rose: [enters kitchen] Girls, I just went out to the garage to check on Count Bessie and her cage is open and she's gone! Where could she be?
Dorothy: [looks at her dinner] Aunt Angela, where did you get this chicken?
Angela: The garage.
Blanche: [forlornly puts her fried chicken down] I guess this means no live entertainment with dessert.

Angela: Hi Rose, watcha got there?
Rose: [clutching a Tupperware container of fried chicken] Exhibit A!
[storms off]
Angela: You know, I like Rose, but when a woman throws herself on a platter of chicken and screams 'Murderer!', she's not playing with a full set of bocce balls. I'm getting out of here just in time.

Angela: May your shampoo get mixed up with your Preparation H and shrink your head to the size of a mushroom!

[Sophia and Angela have just cooked a meal for the entire household]
Blanche: Angela, that was the best meal I've ever had in my life.
Angela: Well, how good could it have been? You left half of it.
Blanche: I ate every bite!
Angela: There's some sauce left. If you'd really liked it, you'd take a hunk of bread and sop it all up. You can afford it!
Blanche: Oh, no I cant! I've put on a few pounds, you just haven't noticed.
Angela: What am I blind? I can see that. I meant the bread. You can afford it, it's only 89 cents a loaf.
Dorothy: You two made such a fantastic meal. I can't imagine what you came up with for dessert.
Rose: I made dessert!
Blanche: Damn!
Rose: What you say Blanche?
Blanche: Yum. I said yum
Dorothy: Rose, is this another one of those Scandanavian viking concoctions?
Rose: Yes! It's called Geneukenfleuken cake. An ancient recipe but I amercanised it.
Dorothy: So one might say you brought "Geneukenfleuken" into the 80s?
Rose: Yes. But I'm not one to blow my own vetugenfluken.
Sophia: I can't even reach mine.