The Best Narrator Quotes

Narrator: Bob is dead, they shot him in the head!
Tyler: You wanna make an omelet, you gotta break some eggs.

Narrator: When people think you're dying, they really, really listen to you, instead of just...
Marla: - instead of just waiting for their turn to speak?

Narrator: I ran. I ran until my muscles burned and my veins pumped battery acid. Then I ran some more.

Tyler: Do you know what a duvet is?
Narrator: It's a comforter...
Tyler: It's a blanket. Just a blanket. Now why do guys like you and me know what a duvet is? Is this essential to our survival, in the hunter-gatherer sense of the word? No. What are we then?
Narrator: ...Consumers?
Tyler: Right. We are consumers. We're the by-products of a lifestyle obsession.

Narrator: If you wake up at a different time in a different place, could you wake up as a different person?

Narrator: Look, nobody takes this more seriously than me. That condo was my life, okay? I loved every stick of furniture in that place. That was not just a bunch of stuff that got destroyed, it was ME!
[voice-over]
Narrator: I'd like to thank the Academy...

Narrator: I am Jack's inflamed sense of rejection.

Narrator: [1:49:38] Is Tyler my bad dream? Or am I Tyler's?

Narrator: I found freedom. Losing all hope was freedom.

Narrator: Everywhere I travel, tiny life. Single-serving sugar, single-serving cream, single pat of butter. The microwave Cordon Bleu hobby kit. Shampoo-conditioner combos, sample-packaged mouthwash, tiny bars of soap. The people I meet on each flight? They're single-serving friends.

Tyler: [1:03:32] Fuck damnation, man! Fuck redemption! We are God's unwanted children? So be it!
Narrator: OK. Give me some water!
Tyler: Listen, you can run water over your hand and make it worse or...
[shouts]
Tyler: Look at me... or you can use vinegar and neutralize the burn.
Narrator: Please let me have it... *Please*!
Tyler: First you have to give up, first you have to *know*... not fear... *know*... that someday you're gonna die.

Narrator: [20:22] On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.

Narrator: [9:01] And then, something happened. I let go. Lost in oblivion. Dark and silent and complete. I found freedom. Losing all hope was freedom.

[last lines]
Narrator: You met me at a very strange time in my life.

Narrator: [34:11] Well, what do you want me to do? You just want me to hit you?
Tyler: C'mon, do me this one favor.
Narrator: Why?
Tyler: Why? I don't know why; I don't know. Never been in a fight. You?
Narrator: No, but that's a good thing.
Tyler: No, it is not. How much can you know about yourself, you've never been in a fight? I don't wanna die without any scars. So come on; hit me before I lose my nerve.
Narrator: This is crazy.
Tyler: So go crazy. Let 'er rip.
Narrator: I don't know about this.
Tyler: I don't either. Who gives a shit? No one's watching. What do you care?
Narrator: Whoa, wait, this is crazy. You want me to hit you?
Tyler: That's right.
Narrator: What, like in the face?
Tyler: [beat] Surprise me.
Narrator: This is so fucking stupid...
[Narrator swings, connects against Tyler's head]
Tyler: Motherfucker! You hit me in the ear!
Narrator: Well, Jesus, I'm sorry.
Tyler: Ow, Christ... why the ear, man?
Narrator: Guess I fucked it up...
Tyler: No, that was perfect!

Narrator: [reading] I am Jack's colon.
Tyler: I get cancer, I kill Jack.

Narrator: Marla's philosophy of life is that she might die at any moment. The tragedy, she said, was that she didn't.

Narrator: [14:19] If I did have a tumor, I'd name it Marla.

Narrator: [1:52:23] Tyler, what the fuck is going on here?
Tyler: I ask you for one thing, one simple thing.
Narrator: Why do people think that I'm you? Answer me!
Tyler: Sit.
Narrator: Now answer me, why do people think that I'm you.
Tyler: I think you know.
Narrator: No, I don't.
Tyler: Yes, you do. Why would anyone possibly confuse you with me?
Narrator: Uh... I... I don't know.
[Random flashbacks]
Tyler: You got it.
Narrator: No.
Tyler: Say it.
Narrator: Because...
Tyler: Say it.
Narrator: Because we're the same person.
Tyler: That's right.

Narrator: [12:56] When you have insomnia, you're never really asleep... and you're never really awake.

Richard: [1:04:51] The first rule of Fight Club is you don't talk about Fight Club?
Narrator: [Voice-over] I'm half asleep again; I must've left the original in the copy machine.
Richard: The second rule of Fight Club - is this yours?
Narrator: Huh?
Richard: Pretend you're me, make a managerial decision: you find this, what would you do?
Narrator: [pauses] Well, I gotta tell you: I'd be very, very careful who you talk to about that, because the person who wrote that... is dangerous.
[Gets up from the chair]
Narrator: [Talking slowly] And this button-down, Oxford-cloth psycho might just snap, and then stalk from office to office with an Armalite AR-10 carbine gas-powered semi-automatic weapon, pumping round after round into colleagues and co-workers. This might be someone you've known for years. Someone very, very close to you.
Narrator: [Voice-over] Tyler's words coming out of my mouth.
[Snatches the piece of paper from boss' hands]
Narrator: [Voice-over] And I used to be such a nice guy.
Narrator: Or maybe you shouldn't bring me every little piece of trash you happen to pick up.
[Phone rings]
Narrator: [Into phone] Compliance and Liability...?
Marla: My tit's gonna rot off.
Narrator: [to boss] Would you excuse me? I need to take this.

Narrator: Marla... the little scratch on the roof of your mouth that would heal if only you could stop tonguing it, but you can't.

Tyler: [29:10] It could be worse. A woman could cut off your penis while you're sleeping and toss it out the window of a moving car.
Narrator: There's always that.

Narrator: [while brutally beating Angel Face] I felt like putting a bullet between the eyes of every Panda that wouldn't screw to save its species. I wanted to open the dump valves on oil tankers and smother all the French beaches I'd never see. I wanted to breathe smoke.

Narrator: Oh, it's late. Hey, thanks for the beer.
Tyler: Yeah, man.
Narrator: I should find a hotel.
Tyler: [in disbelief] What?
Narrator: What?
Tyler: A hotel?
Narrator: Yeah.
Tyler: Just ask, man.
Narrator: What are you talking about?
Tyler: [laughs] Three pitchers of beer, and you still can't ask.
Narrator: What?
Tyler: You call me because you need a place to stay.
Narrator: Oh, hey, no, no, no, I didn't mean...
Tyler: Yes, you did. So just ask. Cut the foreplay and just ask.
Narrator: Would - would that be a problem?
Tyler: Is it a problem for you to ask?
Narrator: Can I stay at your place?
Tyler: Yeah.

[while burning the Narrator's hand with lye]
Tyler: [1:03:07] Shut up! Our fathers were our models for God. If our fathers bailed, what does that tell you about God?
Narrator: No, no, I... don't...
Tyler: Listen to me! You have to consider the possibility that God does not like you. He never wanted you. In all probability, he hates you. This is not the worst thing that can happen.
Narrator: It isn't?
Tyler: We don't need him!

Narrator: [19:34] This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time.

Tyler: [22:28] You know why they put oxygen masks on planes?
Narrator: So you can breathe.
Tyler: Oxygen gets you high. In a catastrophic emergency, you're taking giant panicked breaths. Suddenly you become euphoric, docile. You accept your fate. It's all right here. Emergency water landing - 600 miles an hour. Blank faces, calm as Hindu cows.
Narrator: That's, um... That's an interesting theory.

Narrator: I am Jack's smirking revenge.

[Poem on Narrator's computer]
Narrator: [55:00] Worker bees can leave. Even drones can fly away. The Queen is their slave.

Narrator: [20:35] A new car built by my company leaves somewhere traveling at 60 mph. The rear differential locks up. The car crashes and burns with everyone trapped inside. Now, should we initiate a recall? Take the number of vehicles in the field, A, multiply by the probable rate of failure, B, multiply by the average out-of-court settlement, C. A times B times C equals X. If X is less than the cost of a recall, we don't do one.
Woman on Plane: Are there a lot of these kinds of accidents?
Narrator: You wouldn't believe.
Woman on Plane: Which car company do you work for?
Narrator: A major one.

Narrator: [1:04:30] Tyler sold his soap to department stores at $20 a bar. Lord knows what they charged. It was beautiful. We were selling rich women their own fat asses back to them.

Marla: I got this dress at a thrift store for one dollar.
Narrator: It was worth every penny.
Marla: It's a bridesmaid's dress. Someone loved it intensely for one day, and then tossed it. Like a Christmas tree. So special. Then, bam, it's on the side of the road.
[Grabs Narrator's crotch]
Marla: Tinsel still clinging to it. Like a sex crime victim. Underwear inside out. Bound with electrical tape.
Narrator: Well, then it suits you.
Marla: You can borrow it sometime.

Narrator: You're making a big mistake, fellas!
Police: You said you would say that.
Narrator: I'm not Tyler Durden!
Police: You told us you'd say that, too.
Narrator: All right then, I'm Tyler Durden. Listen to me, I'm giving you a direct order. We're aborting this mission right now.
Police: You said you would definitely say that.

Narrator: Every evening I died, and every evening I was born again, resurrected.