The Best Nessa Holt Quotes

Nessa: We're having a pub night. You can make bangers and mash and fish and chips.
Gunther the Chef: Gunther is appalled. This is Gunther's restaurant. He will not even attempt such a sordid menu.
Nessa: Refer to yourself in the third person again and I'll wipe that accent right out of you.

Nessa: [sarcastically] Two grown men fighting half naked in a toilet, that's not gay

Nessa: I think I peed myself.
Mary: Yeah, me too.

Nessa: Mary?
Mary: Yes.
Nessa: Why is there a tiger in the hallway?
Mary: I... don't know.

Nessa: Should we do something?
Mary: You go right ahead. I'm perfectly content just standing here frozen.
Nessa: Okay.

Danny: [watching the Wet T'Shirt contest] God, I love my job.
Mike: More and more each day.
Danny,20639: [together] Damn!
Mike: Oh, she's hot.
Danny: Hotter than hot.
Mike: Smoking.
Danny: Firing.
Mike: Somebody better cool me off.
[Mike and Danny get splashed with a glass of water and then the camera turns around to reveal Nessa, Sam, Delinda and Mary standing next to them. Nessa has an empty glass in her hand]
Mike: That was a rhetorical comment.
Nessa: [sarcastically] Oops. My bad.
Mike: Now I see why they call you the "Ice Queen"
Nessa: And now you see what it's like to be in a Wet T-Shirt contest.
Samantha: Hey, why don't you get up on stage and show us ladies a little something?
Delinda: Yeah, Mike, Why don't you shake a little booty up there?
Danny: What. A guy can't comment on a pretty girl without getting ragged on?
Nessa: Ragged on?
Danny: Okay, maybe that's the wrong choice of words.
Mary: You think?
Danny: All I mean was that's a natural instinct for men to notice women who are -
Samantha: - Well endowed?
Danny: Yeah.

Danny: Survival of the species depends on man's ability to be attracted to women who look like that.
Mike: Danny, you should probably stop.
Danny: What?
Mary: She's a he.
Danny,20639: [both] What?
Mary: Your smoking hot lady is a guy.
Mike: Mary, that's not cool.
Delinda: Mary could hook you guys up.
Samantha: Yeah, a little threesome
Nessa: But would it be a threesome with a him-her? Isn't it more like a foursome?
Samantha: Or a two-and-a-half "mensome."
Mike: That's not funny
Nessa: [together] Yeah, it is.
Mike: That's not funny at all.
Delinda: Mary, she's not a guy
Mary: I know that.
Mary: But they don't.
Delinda: You're bad.

Nessa: I've already reminded you once, Ms. Wells. Players aren't allowed to touch the cards.
Monica: What difference does it make? It doesn't change them. I'm not cheating.
Nessa: House rules.
Monica: For $500 a hand, I should be able to touch a card.
Nessa: Ms. Wells, if you can't abide by our gaming...
Monica: I'll abide by them as soon as someone gives me a logical explanation.
Nessa: Security at Table 6.
Monica: What is it with this place? Is no one trained to give a straight answer?
Ed: Well, yes, I am.
Monica: Here we go again.

Nessa: Okay, here's to all those Cosmo-drinking, Cosmo-reading airheads
[clink glasses]
Nessa: Screw 'em.