20 Best Parker Scavo Quotes

[Parker walks in while Lynette and Mrs. McCluskey ar cleaning up Ida Greenburg's things]
Parker: Daddy said you where over here, can I help?
Lynette: [kisses him on the head] Ohh, mwa, mwa, mwa! You realise we're cleaning, right? We're not eating candy.
Karen: That's sweet Parker, but we've got everything under control here if you wanna go play.
Parker: No, I wanna do something nice for Mrs. Greenburg. She sorta saved my life.
Lynette: What do you mean?
Parker: When the house was shaking and daddy was passed out by his asthma Mrs. Greenburg made us all go under the stairs.
Lynette: But that's not where they found her.
Parker: Yeah, there wasn't enough room for her. She said she be okay in the corner!
Karen: Uh, Parker you wanna help? Ida has some ice cream in the freezer that needs eating before it goes bad.

Lynette: [Lynette finds Parker staring into their freezer] Hi buddy, what'cha doing?
Parker: Nothing.
Lynette: You seem a little mopey lately, is everything okay?
Parker: Yeah. Can we go see Mrs. McClusky?
Karen: [at the hospital] You guys didn't have to come here, no matter what that CAT scan says, I'm breakin' out tomorrow.
Lynette: Well Parker really wanted to come see you.
Karen: [pats him on the head] Don't tell your brothers, you where always my favorite.
Parker: [quietly] I saw the man in your freezer.
Karen: [Smile fades from her face] Lynette could you run down to the snack bar and get me some green jello?
Lynette: Oh, sure.
Karen: OK, time for a little grown-up talk.
[Lynette sees Parker sitting on the bed with Mrs. McClusky talking to him]
Karen: So can you understand now why I had to do what I did?
[he nods]
Karen: And you know you can never tell anyone, not even you mom?
[he nods again]
Lynette: They didn't have jello, so I hope pudding is okay.
Karen: Ya know, lets give it to Parker, good boy like him deserves a treat.
[he smiles at her]

Parker: [Lynette is looking at herself in an outfit, when she notices Parker in the mirror playing with his foam football] What'cha doin'?
Lynette: Oh, deciding what to wear my first day back to work. Do I look fat in this?
Parker: I think you look good in everything!
Lynette: Wow, you father's taught you well.
Parker: What about the street fair? If you're going back to work, who's going to take me?
Lynette: Mrs. McClusky, won't that be fun?
Parker: No. Do you have to go back to work?
Lynette: Come on, you and your brothers will be thrilled. Me going back to work is not that big a deal, we're only loosing a little time together in the afternoon.
Parker: Every hour counts. I miss you all day long.
Lynette: [She hugs him, kisses and rubs him on the head] Aww, honey, geez. Do you really mean that, or are you manipulating mommy into feeling incredibly guilty?
Parker: A little of both.
Lynette: Yep, your father's taught you well.
[He smiles at her]

Karen: [Parker rings Mrs. McCluskey's doorbell] Waould ya stop ringing that damn... I'm sorry Parker, I thought you where one of those little pissheads that keeps ringing the doorbell and running away. What's on your mind?
Parker: I want you to come back and babysit us, the new sitter stinks!
Karen: Your folks hired a new sitter?
Parker: Yeah, and she thinks carrots are snacks!
Karen: Well that's rough. But life's like that sometimes.
Parker: It doesn't have to be. If you just told people what happened with your husband, everything could go back to the way it was.
Karen: Parker, see those women over there. Nothing I could say could stop those tongues from wagging. I'm sorry kid but I just have to wait this one out.

[the twins are making a human pyramid with Parker on top]
Preston: Mommy, look at us!
Lynette: I'll look as soon as I get back from the store.
Parker: [waves goodbye] Bye mom!

Parker: [after Lynette tells him no to fudgesickles] I told you she'd say no!
Porter: Mrs. McCluskey always has some fudgesickles.
Preston: Yeah, but she's in the hospital.
[they all smile]
Preston: [the twins hold open a window to Mrs. McCluskey's basement while Parker climbs in through it]
[He opens the chest freezer and finds some melted fudgesickles, but gets a wide-eyed look on his face when he sees a mans body]
Preston: [Parker comes out the door looking stunned] Where's the ice cream?
Parker: She didn't have any.
Porter: Awe man!
Porter: There wasn't anything good in there?
Parker: [deadpanned] No.

[Lynette and Tom aren't talking at all at breakfast]
Parker: Are you mad at daddy?
Lynette: No. Why would you think that?
Parker: Cause you're not talking to him.
Lynette: Well you know two people who have known each other as long as mommy and daddy ahve, they don't have to always talk, in fact a sign of a good relationship is being comfortable in silence.
Tom: That's true, although mommy ignoring me last night at work wasn't exactly what I call comfortable.
Lynette: Well daddy probably didn't notice that I was unloading twenty-pound bags of flour cause he still can't lift them, so mommy didn't exactly have time to sit around and chew the fat.
Tom: Well you haven't wanted to chew that fat for five days now. Come on Lynette something is obviously bugging you.
Lynette: You wanna know what's bugging me? I'm trying to have a lovely breakfast with my family and you're picking a fight.
Tom: Who's fighting, I just wanna talk!
Lynette: There's nothing to talk about, OK, just leave me alone.
Parker: Sorry I asked!

Lynette: [Parker is coloring] Sweety could you put the crayons down for a second, we need to talk. I talked to your teacher today and she told me about the cookie deal you made with Cindy Lou.
Parker: Oh, are you mad?
Lynette: [laughs uncomfortably] No, not exactly, I'm trying to understand why you did that.
Parker: [Innocently] Tommy Keenan told me babies come from down there, that doesn't sound right to me.
Lynette: Well, actually he's kinda right, he's got the concept down.
Parker: [Innocently confused] That's weird! How does a baby get in there?
Lynette: Daddy will be home from his business trip in a few days, why don't you wait for him?
Parker: OK. Or I can ask Tommy's brother. He's fourteen and he knows everything!
Lynette: [Parker looks skeptical as Lynette draws a picture] ... And then the mommy and the dadd because they love each other so much, they hug real tight, and a seed is magically implanted and nine months later a baby is born.
Parker: What kind of seed?
Lynette: Oh, that's not important.
Parker: I don't believe you!
Lynette: Parker I'm your mother. Mother's don't lie to their sons. Now go wash your hands or Santa's not gonna bring you anything for Christmas.

Stella: [Lynette's mother shows up] Geez Lynette, I didn't know you opened a daycare center! Hey kids grandma's here.
Stella: [they all look at her strange] Okay, what'd you tell them about me?
Lynette: It's been five years mom, they don't remember you.
Stella: Well they'll remember me this time, I've brought presents. For you.
[hands Parker a book]
Stella: And for you and you.
[hands the twins books]
Parker: These are baby toys. We're too old to play with these.
Stella: Well I'm too old to remember what the hell six year olds like to play with.
Porter: We're eight.
Stella: What do I care?
Lynette: Just say thank you.
[kids say 'thank you']
Stella: [pointing to Kayla, talking to Parker] Who's the pretty thing? Your girlfriend?
Parker: [looks disgusted] No! She's my sister!
Stella: [to Lynette] Oh, is that Toms little B-a-s-t-a...
Tom: Ok kids, time to get your toys and let's play upstairs.

Parker: Since when do you make waffles?
Lynette: Well, Kayla loves waffles, and since she and I have been having some problems lately, I'm doing something nice for her.

Lynette: [as Tom pulls up the van bringing Kayla to live with them; to the boys] Okay, they're here. Now listen.
[to Parker]
Lynette: Stand up. Kayla has been through a lot, so when she walks in the door, I want you to make her feel welcome, okay? Give her a hug and be really nice.
Parker: I'm giving her my room. How much nicer do I have to be?
Lynette: Well, nicer than that, or she's gonna get all your toys, too.

[the twins put gum in Parker's hair, so Lynette is trying to scrape it out, the entire time he is in pain]
Lynette: Well, yeah I know it hurts, but that's what you get when you let your brothers put bubble gum in your hair, pain and misery.
Parker: Are you mad at me?
Lynette: Yes, yes, I am mad at you. And I'm also cranky. You know how you get when you haven't taken a nap? Well mommies are the same way, we need our down time and if we don't get it, we end up saying and doing things which we don't normally do. And it's frustrating for me too because I do wanna be the best mommy I can be.
Parker: I think you're the best mommy in the world!
Lynette: That's sweet of you but it's not exactly true.
[She gets out hair clippers, he looks scared]

Lynette: [as Lynette gives dinner to the kids, Kayla walks over to the TV with hers] Kayla, where are you going?
Kayla: To watch TV.
Lynette: Oh, sweetie, we don't watch TV during dinner.
Kayla: But my show is on.
Lynette: I'm sorry, those are the rules.
Kayla: My mommy let me.
Lynette: Well, just this once.
[the twins look at Lynette; Parker crosses his arms]
Lynette: Okay, okay, I know what you're thinking, but Kayla's going through a hard time right now. Come and sit down. Letting her watch TV is like me letting you eat ice cream when you're sick.
Porter: But she's not sick.
Lynette: Well, that's true, but she's sad.
Parker: I'm sad I can't watch TV.
Lynette: Eat your tacos.
[the boys get up and walk over to the TV]
Lynette: Wow, wow, wow. Sit your butts down.
Preston: It's not fair.
Lynette: I don't care. we have rules.
Porter: Well, she gets to.
Lynette: She is special. Now sit down. Come on.
Porter: Does she get dessert, too?
Kayla: Of course I do.

Lynette: Parker, hey, where's your uniform? You've got your game in an hour.
Parker: No I don't, I quit.
Lynette: What?
Parker: I hate baseball! Daddy said I don't have to play it anymore.
Lynette: Well daddy should've checked with mommy so she could have a chance to tell him why he's wrong. Hey, you're playing!
Parker: But mom, I suck! Everybody says so! That's why they made up a fake position for me!
Lynette: It's not fake. There's not a team I know that can get along without their back-up far right fielder! OK, come on, let's go practice.
Parker: [disgrunteled] Ohh!

Parker: How long will daddy be gone?
Lynette: Well that sorta depends on daddy.
Porter: Are you two mad at each other?
Lynette: Yeah, a little, but that's okay. We still love each other very much, but like kids, sometimes grown-ups throw tantrums and need a time-out.
Preston: Why can't he take a time-out in his room?
Lynette: Cause he decided to take it in his pizza place.
Parker: [Being cute, while petting his dog] No fair that sounds fun!
Lynette: Not this pizza place, it's a rat hole. But once your dad comes to his senses and stops being petulant, he'll come home.
Porter: What's petulant?
Lynette: It means childish, stubborn, careless with my money and your future's.
Preston: Huh?
Lynette: It's a grown-up word, and when daddy comes home, he'll learn a new one: grovel!

[Parker is sitting outside watching Mrs. McClusky wash her door]
Tom: Here you are. What are you doing outside?
Parker: Some big kids threw eggs at Mrs. McClusky's house.
Tom: Oh, jeez, they shouldn't have done that.
Parker: We should go talk to her.
Tom: Naw, it's late, she probably doesn't want us to bother her.

[the lady at the health club is letting Lynette in because she thinks Parker has cancer because of his shaved head]
[Another women who survived cancer asks to hug Parker, and offers him reassurances]
Parker: [Scared] Mommy, am I dying?
Lynette: No! You're not dying! People just think that because I shaved your head.
Callie: You shaved his head?
Parker: Yeah, my brothers put bubble gum in my hair.

Karen: How old are your boys anyway?
[Preston and Porter look at each other]
Porter: We're six.
Karen: [turns to Parker] And you?
Parker: Five.
Karen: Wow. Your mom just pops them out, doesn't she?
Preston: How old are you?
Karen: How old do you think?
Porter: 150.

[the kids sneak into Lynette's room while she's asleep]
Parker: Happy Mother's Day!
Lynette: Oh my gosh. That is so sweet. Thank you.
[Porter gives her a breakfast in bed tray with breakfast on it]
Parker: We're gonna go get your present.
Porter: I hope you like turtles!

[Lynette's father-in-law, Rodney, climbs up the ladder to the roof, from where grandson Parker is not budging. He is afraid to climb down despite Lynette's prior attempts to coax him down]
Rodney: Parker, I got a question for you. It's only one, but it's kind of an important question - a character-defining question, actually. Wanna hear it?
Parker: Hm-hmm.
Rodney: Only a little girl would be afraid to come down the ladder. Now, you're not a little girl, are you?
[Lynette looks askance at Rodney]
Rodney: I'm not looking at a girly girl, am I?
[pouts]
Rodney: [Tom comes back outside]
Tom: [to his father, who's climbing down the ladder with Parker piggy-backing] Wow, you got him down.
[to wife Lynette]
Tom: How'd he do that?
Lynette: Sexism.