The Best Porter Scavo Quotes

Karen: How old are your boys anyway?
[Preston and Porter look at each other]
Porter: We're six.
Karen: [turns to Parker] And you?
Parker: Five.
Karen: Wow. Your mom just pops them out, doesn't she?
Preston: How old are you?
Karen: How old do you think?
Porter: 150.

Lynette: Do you know what psychological warfare is?
[shakes his head]
Porter: No?
Lynette: Too bad for you.

[the kids sneak into Lynette's room while she's asleep]
Parker: Happy Mother's Day!
Lynette: Oh my gosh. That is so sweet. Thank you.
[Porter gives her a breakfast in bed tray with breakfast on it]
Parker: We're gonna go get your present.
Porter: I hope you like turtles!

Lynette: [as Lynette gives dinner to the kids, Kayla walks over to the TV with hers] Kayla, where are you going?
Kayla: To watch TV.
Lynette: Oh, sweetie, we don't watch TV during dinner.
Kayla: But my show is on.
Lynette: I'm sorry, those are the rules.
Kayla: My mommy let me.
Lynette: Well, just this once.
[the twins look at Lynette; Parker crosses his arms]
Lynette: Okay, okay, I know what you're thinking, but Kayla's going through a hard time right now. Come and sit down. Letting her watch TV is like me letting you eat ice cream when you're sick.
Porter: But she's not sick.
Lynette: Well, that's true, but she's sad.
Parker: I'm sad I can't watch TV.
Lynette: Eat your tacos.
[the boys get up and walk over to the TV]
Lynette: Wow, wow, wow. Sit your butts down.
Preston: It's not fair.
Lynette: I don't care. we have rules.
Porter: Well, she gets to.
Lynette: She is special. Now sit down. Come on.
Porter: Does she get dessert, too?
Kayla: Of course I do.

Lynette: You are going to behave today. I am not gonna be humiliated in front of the entire neighborhood. And, just so you know that I'm serious, I am...
[takes a piece of paper out of her pocket]
Porter: What's that?
Lynette: Santa's cell-phone number!
Preston: How'd you get that?
Lynette: I know someone, who knows someone, who knows an elf. And if any of you acts up, so help me I will call Santa and tell him you want socks for Christmas! Are you willing to risk that?

Stella: [Lynette's mother shows up] Geez Lynette, I didn't know you opened a daycare center! Hey kids grandma's here.
Stella: [they all look at her strange] Okay, what'd you tell them about me?
Lynette: It's been five years mom, they don't remember you.
Stella: Well they'll remember me this time, I've brought presents. For you.
[hands Parker a book]
Stella: And for you and you.
[hands the twins books]
Parker: These are baby toys. We're too old to play with these.
Stella: Well I'm too old to remember what the hell six year olds like to play with.
Porter: We're eight.
Stella: What do I care?
Lynette: Just say thank you.
[kids say 'thank you']
Stella: [pointing to Kayla, talking to Parker] Who's the pretty thing? Your girlfriend?
Parker: [looks disgusted] No! She's my sister!
Stella: [to Lynette] Oh, is that Toms little B-a-s-t-a...
Tom: Ok kids, time to get your toys and let's play upstairs.

[Bree hears, on the TV, that someone, female has been shot, and thinks it could be Lynette]
Porter: Mrs. Hodge, when's mommy gonna be back from the store?
Bree: I'm sure she'll be back soon, why don't we have some... cookies?
Parker: Mommy said we can't have cookies before dinner.
Bree: Well, um, I'm sure she won't mind, come on.

Parker: [after Lynette tells him no to fudgesickles] I told you she'd say no!
Porter: Mrs. McCluskey always has some fudgesickles.
Preston: Yeah, but she's in the hospital.
[they all smile]
Preston: [the twins hold open a window to Mrs. McCluskey's basement while Parker climbs in through it]
[He opens the chest freezer and finds some melted fudgesickles, but gets a wide-eyed look on his face when he sees a mans body]
Preston: [Parker comes out the door looking stunned] Where's the ice cream?
Parker: She didn't have any.
Porter: Awe man!
Porter: There wasn't anything good in there?
Parker: [deadpanned] No.

Parker: How long will daddy be gone?
Lynette: Well that sorta depends on daddy.
Porter: Are you two mad at each other?
Lynette: Yeah, a little, but that's okay. We still love each other very much, but like kids, sometimes grown-ups throw tantrums and need a time-out.
Preston: Why can't he take a time-out in his room?
Lynette: Cause he decided to take it in his pizza place.
Parker: [Being cute, while petting his dog] No fair that sounds fun!
Lynette: Not this pizza place, it's a rat hole. But once your dad comes to his senses and stops being petulant, he'll come home.
Porter: What's petulant?
Lynette: It means childish, stubborn, careless with my money and your future's.
Preston: Huh?
Lynette: It's a grown-up word, and when daddy comes home, he'll learn a new one: grovel!