20 Best Bree Hodge Quotes

[Bree hears, on the TV, that someone, female has been shot, and thinks it could be Lynette]
Porter: Mrs. Hodge, when's mommy gonna be back from the store?
Bree: I'm sure she'll be back soon, why don't we have some... cookies?
Parker: Mommy said we can't have cookies before dinner.
Bree: Well, um, I'm sure she won't mind, come on.

Edie: Tell me anyway. Just in case you're not saying I'm a big slut.
Bree: Oh, come on, Edie. Carlos, Mike, Karl. You do have a way at picking at other women's leftovers.

[Bree Hodge is dancing for her husband, Orson]
Orson: You're trying to make me feel better about being paralized?
Bree: Guess again, big boy
Orson: Well, if you're having a stroke, we're going to make quite the team

Bree: Don't you dare throw your calligraphy skills in my face when you know I'm at a low point!

Gabrielle: Ok my hour's up someone else hold Edie now.
Lynette: I'll take her!
[Gabby hands Lynette the urn and after a few second of holding it Lynette opens the it]
Lynette: kinda looks like cat litter.
Susan: Lynette! Don't look at Edie...
Lynette: Or what I'll turn to stone? She's all rough and gritty...
Bree: Uh Gabby... before we learn what Edie tastes like.
Gabrielle: I got it...
Bree: I think a little more reverence for the dead is in order.
Lynette: Oh please we're talking about Edie. A little more irreverence is what we need.

Susan: I'll cook, myself.
Bree: Good. Let me know if there are any survivors.

Bree: [Bree finds Orson and Alma in bed together] Orson, I have caught you cheating, at least have the courtesy to WAKE UP!

Bree: Gabrielle's the glamorous one, Susan's the adorable one, Lynette's smart. Edie's... Edie, and I'm the domestic one. The one who knows that there are three tines in a dessert fork. I'm the one who gets teased for that. That's who I am. That's also who you are

Bree: MJ there's someone in my life who hits me with a dead squirrel every single day, and you are the only one who can help me. Please, please invite Evan to your party
M.J. Delfino: ...ok.
Bree: Thankyou, oh thankyou sweetheart
[kissed MJ on the head and walks off]
M.J. Delfino: Boy the stuff I do for macaroons.

Bree: Orson, we've been robbed!
Orson: It wasn't me, I swear.

Andrew: Mom, I'm gonna take these bowls to the kitchen...
Bree: Oh! thanks, dear.
Andrew: With you... What are you doing?
Bree: Oh, I'm trying to stay out of the way of all the sparks that are flying...
Andrew: Sparks? The man is twice my age.
Bree: Yes, but he's also... he's got a great sense of... OK, do you know how hard it is to get a good contractor?
Andrew: Oh my God.
Bree: And poor Walter just had his heart broken, so if it takes you being nice to hime to have our house fixed...
Andrew: You're pimping me out for a new roof?
Bree: And windows... and I'm not pimping you out, I'm simply asking you to show some kindness to a lonely man who happens to be an excellent roofer.
Andrew: Look, if by kindness you mean sex...
Bree: Watch your mouth, I would never suggest that. You can raise a man's hopes without satisfying them, I've done it all my life. Andrew, I have got to get back into my house, and you're my only hope.
Andrew: Fine, for you I'll flirt, I'll flatter and I'll charm.
Bree: Bless you...
Andrew: And in exchange... I expect a 60-inch flat-screen TV.
Bree: Fine. And if you can get him to come on time and under budget, I'll throw in surround sound.

Bree: Don't you dare try to turn our son into an intellectual!

Dr. McLean: [about Danielle after her suicide attempt] She is resisting our efforts to pump her stomach. She says she only took three sedatives.
Andrew: She's disoriented. Pump her.
Bree: Andrew!
[to the doctor]
Bree: Pump her.
[to Andrew]
Bree: They're sticking a tube down her throat. Do you still think this is funny?
Andrew: Mom, this was a half-assed bid for attention.
Bree: This was a cry for help and if we don't listen, the next time, she could do something even more dangerous.
Andrew: Yeah, next time, she might jump off the porch.
Orson: Stop it! Suicide is the worst thing that can happen to a family! I will not have it made light of!

Susan: Okay, before we become an ugly mob, why doesn't one of us go talk to the guys? But not me, they hate me.
Karen: Bree, you talk to them, you can relate to them.
Bree: Why would you say that?
Karen: You've got a kid that came flying out of the closet and a husband that had been looking for the door knob.

Lynette: And, Edie, you look great, especially, you know, given the circumstances.
Edie: You mean that I tried to hang myself? Well, it's okay. The doctor encouraged me to talk about it.
Bree: Surely not over food.

Danielle: You're always mean to me, just like you were to dad. You emasculated him. Well, you're not gonna emasculate me.
Bree: You don't even know what that means, you petulant sock puppet.
Danielle: Who cares? I'm going to the store.
Bree: Buy a dictionary.

Photographer: No! For God sakes.
Bree: What's wrong now?
Photographer: Once again, The concept is, sweetie, you're taking the pie out of the oven, your face aglow with surprise.
Bree: Why am I surprised?
Photographer: Because it turned out so perfectly.
Bree: That's no surprise. My pies are always perfect.
Photographer: All right. It's your best pie ever. You've topped yourself.
Bree: And I know this before I've tasted it?
Photographer: Sweetie, just make whatever face you want. I just think you'll sell more cookbooks if you don't look like you just made love to an ice cube.

Bree: [Bree is trying to set Andrew up with their contractor, hinting at him] Oh yes, he just broke up with his life partner, TODD... who he was GAY WITH.

[Bree has found Alma and a passed out Orson in bed together, along with sleeping pills and Viagra]
Bree: You raped my husband!
Alma: We made love. And when our baby is born, he's going to come back to me.
Bree: Baby?
Alma: It's true. I could be expecting right now.
Bree: Were you expecting this?
[Bree decks Alma before she calls her house]
Bree: Andrew, I need you to come over right away. And, um...
[pause]
Bree: ...bring the wheelbarrow.

Bree: We need to find someone who's bad at gay math!