The Best Paul McCartney Quotes

Captain: [In prison] Uncle Jack?
Uncle: Jackie, boy! How's it goin'?
Captain: [Being held by two guards] Can't complain, really. You?
Uncle: I've been waiting in here all morning for a beating, but the service is terrible.
Captain: Shameful.

Uncle: If they disembowel you, ask for Victor, he's got the softest hands.
Captain: Thank you!
Uncle: Mention my name, and they won't cut your feet off.

Uncle: Have I ever told you about the one with the skeleton?
Captain: Yes, you have, many times...
Uncle: A skeleton goes into a bar, and orders a beer and a mop!
Captain: ...Funny as ever.