30 Best Princess Carolyn Quotes

Albino: Good news! The results are in! Bad news, the results are bad. Like an omelet bar at a mongoose convention, you are running dangerously low on eggs.
Princess: How many do I have left?
Albino: Well let's just say it's more than Harry Potter movies, but fewer than James Bond movies.
Princess: Doctor, no!

Princess: BoJack, tell us every bad thing you ever did.
BoJack: [sighs] It's gonna be a long night.

Princess: You are loved by millions.
BoJack: That's not a compliment. So is Kim Jong Un and Teri Hatcher.

Princess: You say you want professionalism? Bullshit. You want a mommy you can slide your dick in and out of.
BoJack: I can want that and also want professionalism. A sex mommy that also keeps her boundaries, is that too much to ask?

[last lines]
BoJack: You guys hungry?
Todd: I could eat.
BoJack: Ethiopian?
Mr. Peanutbutter: Cool! I haven't had Ethiopian in a while.
Princess: I should go home. I haven't seen my boyfriend in ten days. He's probably worried about me.
Todd: I'm down for Ethiopian! I love that sponge bread!
BoJack: What do they call it? Injera?
Diane Nguyen: Yeah. Injera.
Mr. Peanutbutter: Injera, right.
Princess: That's right.
BoJack: Yeah, that's good bread.

Princess: Wait: You're telling me your dumb drone downed a tower and drowned Downtown Julie Brown's dummy drum-y dum-dum-dum-dum, dousing her newly-found goose-down hand-me-down gown?

BoJack: Princess Carolyn, what are we doing? This was a mistake. I've been acting crazy. You were right- Idon't love you, you don't love me, we're just two lonely people.
Princess: Well, this night took a turn! You know the worst part? I knew this was gonna happen and I let myself get excited anyway.
BoJack: So we agree that this is on you, then.

Rutabaga: Can you really afford to be picky? What? I'm just saying, what, you think you're gonna find some perfect unattached guy who's gonna love you like I do? Who's gonna make you laugh and feel good about yourself? This is it, Carolyn, this is what you get. If you're holding out for something better, well, I hate to break it to you, but you're gonna be alone for a long time.
Princess: I'm not afraid of being alone. And you might wanna find someplace else to work, because you're not coming with me.
Rutabaga: Wait, wait, wait, what? It's my company.
Princess: My name is on all the paperwork. I think I can do it without you. Good luck.
Rutabaga: Whoa, Carolyn, we just... Come on, Carolyn!
Princess: My name is *Princess* Carolyn.

BoJack: I'm a real jerk, huh?
Princess: Yeah but, you're honest, straightforward. You're not fake nice and you don't beat around the bush. Your heart is tender so you protect it from other people, but sometimes you open up a wall and it's incredible. You're doing the best you can considering your asshole parents. You've got great taste in art, and that pink spot on your nose is just adorable. How many nice things was that, about ten?
BoJack: Yeah, just about.
Princess: Okay one more. You let me help you tonight because you knew I needed it. You did it for me. Which was very sweet.

White: I'm a gynecologist. I specialize in fertility. Tell you what, I'd be happy to put you in the stirrups, and take a look at the ol' cat eggs.
Princess: Ecch! Not if you were the last albino rhino gyno on the planet!
White: Well, I'm the only albino rhino gyno I know! Shall we get some wine?
Princess: Oh great! You're also a win---e addict.

Princess: BoJack! Are you watching MSNBSea right now?
BoJack: Great question. Well, I didn't fall down on my remote, randomly changing the channel to MSNBSea, while simultaneously crippling myself, thus forcing me to watch MSNBSea. So no, I'm not watching MSNBSea right now.

Diane Nguyen: Princess Carolyn, wait. I understand you're trying to be helpful, in your own pushy, self-absorbed way.
Princess: Oh, thank you!
Diane Nguyen: But I don't wanna write a middle-grade fiction detective series.
Princess: I think you do, though. Because when I was reading it, I could tell you were having fun.
Diane Nguyen: Yeah, but I'm not writing a book to have fun. If I don't write my book of essays now, I never will.
Princess: So, don't write your book of essays.
Diane Nguyen: I have to!
Princess: Why?
Diane Nguyen: Because if I don't, that means that all the damage I got isn't good damage, it's just damage. I have gotten nothing out of it, and all those years I was miserable was for nothing. I could've been happy this whole time and written books about girl detectives and been cheerful and popular and had good parents, is that what you're saying? What was it all for?
Princess: I-
[sighs]
Princess: I don't know, Diane. All I know is that this book about the girl detective is fun. I liked it. I like thinking that my daughter could grow up in a world with books like that. Or if my daughter's not a reader, a lucrative film adaptation.
Diane Nguyen: When I was a little girl I thought that everything, all the abuse and neglect, it somehow made me... special. And I decided that one day I would write something that would make little girls like me feel less alone. And if I can't write that book...
Princess: Then... Then maybe write this other book. Maybe this book does that, too.
Diane Nguyen: Yeah?

Princess: Assistants are like Belushi brothers, the good ones leave too soon, and the bad ones never go away.

Princess: Well, well, well, look what the me dragged in. Is it dragged or drugged?

Princess: Oh fish. Of course! Why would you ever make things easy for me when instead you could make things incredibly difficult. Laura! Clear our my schedule! I have to push a boulder up a hill and then have it roll over me time and time again with no regard for my well-being!

Princess: You know a lot of people go their whole lives and they never give a damn. But Herb, he gave those beavers a dam.

[repeated line]
Princess: You/he/she needs an agent?

Princess: [referring to Mr. Peanutbutter] Even if he stole your stealing of the D, what he made his was telling Diane how he felt from his heart. You could never say it to me, and you still can't say it to her.
BoJack: That's not true. I can express feelings.
[cutaway to BoJack with his hand over a burning stove]
BoJack: Nothing on the outside. Nothing on the inside.

BoJack: This place was supposed to be a fresh start for me. *Rehab* was supposed to be a fresh start. But no matter how many starts I get, there's always the same ending. Everything falls apart, and I end up alone.
Princess: I'm still here, BoJack.
BoJack: Why?
Princess: I don't know. I'm a fool, I guess. And you were my first client. And one time you were drunk and you smiled at me, and I said: "What?" And you said: "I just like being in a room with you. You make rooms good."
BoJack: You still do.
Princess: I have loved you for 25 years, and I never loved anyone better. That kind of love, you only get it when you're young and stupid. I'm not gonna get it again. And when I tell my daughter the story of the great love of my life, I want it to have a happy ending.
BoJack: Is it possible you letting me go *is* the happy ending?

Princess: How long is that doctor going to take? I have a meeting with another client at three o'clock.
BoJack: You have other clients?
Princess: [sarcastically] No, I make a living off you sitting on your ass all day.
BoJack: Are your other clients more talented than I am?
[beat]
BoJack: Your silence speaks volumes.
Princess: [singsongy] That was my intention.

Princess: Face it, you're afraid of commitment.
BoJack: I am not afraid of commitment. I commit to things all the time. It's the following through on that commitment that I take issue with.

Diane Nguyen: I can't believe this country hates women more than it loves guns.
Princess: [after a pause] No?

Princess: [Bojack has gifted Ruthie with his painting] Look what Uncle BoJack brought you Ruthie, it's a 1970s pop art interpretation of the Narcissus myth! Perfect gift for a baby.
BoJack: Narcissus? I thought the painting was about me.

BoJack: Everyone's dumb and I am great. Why do I always forget that?
Princess: That's the spirit.

Princess: [reads excerpt from Diane's script] The only longstanding relationship in BoJack's life is with his agent, Princess Carolyn. Her loyalty must come from a deep-rooted faith that she's talented enough to sustain the career of a man that society perceives as a joke.

Princess: I know, we'll book Eddie Redmayne as the fetus

Vanessa: Are you okay? You're not your usual medium-clever self.
Princess: Can I ask you something? So, there's work, right? I mean, work makes sense to me. And I'm good at it. I don't feel that way about my baby. I don't think I'm feeling what I'm supposed to feel. What I thought I would feel. I mean, I love her, of course I do. Of course I love my daughter. But...
[sighs]
Princess: But I don't know if I love her. I know I'm a terrible person for even thinking it, but what if it never happens?
Vanessa: Do you love all your clients' projects?
Princess: Of course.
Vanessa: No, you don't. But you take care of them and you keep them alive, because that's your job, right?
Princess: Yeah.
Vanessa: So, now you've got a new job. And it is a ruthless one, and I mean ruthless. You don't have time to waste second-guessing how you feel about it. You just have to do it the best that you can, and know that that's the best you can do.
Princess: You know,
[scoffs]
Princess: we have so much in common. I don't know why we've spent so many years hating each other.
Vanessa: I never hated you. Do you hate me?
Princess: [lying] Uh, no.

Princess: Hey, you know what i do when I have really, bad, awful, terrible day?
BoJack: What?
Princess: I imagine my great, great, great granddaughter in the future talking to her class about me, she's poised and funny and tells people about me and how everything's worked out in the end, and when I think about that I think about how everything's going to work out because how else could she tell people?
BoJack: But it's... fake.
Princess: Yeah well... it makes me feel better.

Princess: Sometimes life is like the second season of Friday Night Lights. You have to push through and hope there's better stuff ahead.

Princess: Did you ever love me? At all?
BoJack: I don't, I-I'm not... you know that I don't do the whole love thing. Either you end up hurting someone or they hurt you, so what's the point?