The Best Scratchy Quotes

Principal: Bart, you've told the truth, and you shall be rewarded... with a severe punishment.

Principal: I'd love to have Edna back, but I can't just fire a teacher if he's doing a good job, or even an adequate job, or shows up at all without touching someone.
Zachary: [Chanting out in the hall] I hate children! I hate children! Children suck! Children suck!
Principal: What's this? Teacher's lounge talk in the hallways?
Zachary: I hate children! You and you and you and you! School is useless! Hilary Swank never graduated high school, and she won two Oscars, one of which she deserved.
Principal: You said you didn't put liquor in his drink.
Bart: I didn't.
Zachary: I mixed vodka with my Blue Bronco. Anyone else want to ride the indigo pony?
Martin: Is there extra credit?
Zachary: Oh, they're gonna eat you alive at CalTech. Alive!