Top 20 Quotes From Martin Prince

Milhouse: [noticing her sneak away from school] That young adult looks like Lisa. Huh? That young adult *is* Lisa!
Martin: [with Database, hanging on a fence by their underwear] She's up to something private.
Database: Ahh, let's go spy on her.
Milhouse: [they try to free themselves] I'll get you down. Bite these pencils.
[with some effort, he pulls them down]
Database: [rolling around in pain] This is the life we chose.

Martin: Individually we are weak, like a single twig, but as a bundle we form a mighty faggot.

Milhouse: Man, if we had eye power like those kids in that movie, we could read the adults' minds and tell their secrets and make them pitchfork each other and junk!
[laughs]
Lisa: Wait! We don't need supernatural powers. We already know their secrets.
Bart: She's right! Homer's done a ton of crap that never made the papers.
Martin: My mom shoplifts all the time. Stuff she doesn't even need.
Nelson: My dad gets in car accidents on purpose.
Lisa: [as she writes down everyone's ideas on a notepad] Great! This is all gold.
Milhouse: We gotta spread this stuff around. Let's put it on the Internet!
Lisa: No! We have to reach people whose opinions actually matter! And I think I know how.

Martin: A bone? It could be one of the major homos!
Bart: You're one of the major...
Lisa: Forget it!

Martin: [Tears his shirt in rage] Rumble!
Nelson: Just go home.
Martin: [meekly] Thank you.

[the air vent starts spreading grease from the ceiling]
Martin: Look, it's snowing!
Ralph: [after a grease snowflake fell on his tongue] The snowflake tastes like fishstick!

Martin: A bone? An unusual specimen, I wonder what it could belong to.
Bart: Maybe it's from a Dorkasarus!
Martin: Dorkasaur... Well, that's an absurd proposition!
Bart: You're an absurd...
Lisa: Forget it!

Principal: I'd love to have Edna back, but I can't just fire a teacher if he's doing a good job, or even an adequate job, or shows up at all without touching someone.
Zachary: [Chanting out in the hall] I hate children! I hate children! Children suck! Children suck!
Principal: What's this? Teacher's lounge talk in the hallways?
Zachary: I hate children! You and you and you and you! School is useless! Hilary Swank never graduated high school, and she won two Oscars, one of which she deserved.
Principal: You said you didn't put liquor in his drink.
Bart: I didn't.
Zachary: I mixed vodka with my Blue Bronco. Anyone else want to ride the indigo pony?
Martin: Is there extra credit?
Zachary: Oh, they're gonna eat you alive at CalTech. Alive!

Martin: Care to make it a trio, Bart? You can brush and I can blow.
Bart: Well, I agree you blow.
Martin: Then it's a plan!
Bart: A lot of people blow, but no one blows like you.
Martin: High praise indeed.
Bart: If you looked up blow in the dictionary...
Lisa: Bart, he's not gonna get it.

Bart: To sweeten the deal, I'll pick you first for basketball.
Martin: Oh, to be a mathlete without the M.

Martin: Bully, Bart! Bully!
Bart: Bully? Where? Is it Nelson?
Martin: No, Bart. It's just an expression.
Bart: Oh.
[Camera pans to show Nelson in the room]
Nelson: Who hast summoned me?
[Martin and Bart cower in fear]

Martin: How many hospitals did you help to build?
Carol: Negative 3.

Martin: To quote Mark Twain, rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated.
Nelson: Yeah, rumors of your wussiness are a hundred percent true.

[Martin is hanging by his underwear; Bart knocks him down with his slingshot]
Martin: Good shot.
Bart: Not really. I was trying to bounce it off your left teste.
Martin: Testes, my good friend.

Principal: Well, this was a disaster.
Martin: I should have known. The same thing happened on "Saved By the Bell."
Principal: Care for a milk?
Martin: No, thank you.
Principal: Martin, in light of this fiasco, you're going to have to resign as president.
Martin: [crying] I'll have that milk now.
Principal: [he starts drinking it] Easy there. That's whole milk.
Martin: I'm a private citizen now. I can drink what I like. You won't have Martin Prince to kick around anymore.
[he does the Richard Nixon double-"V for victory" salute and is pulled away in a red wagon]

Ted: I caught me a fat old badger.
Martin: But I'm a little boy.
Ted: All I hear is chitter-chitter.

Principal: Congratulations, Mr. Student Body President. Your Casino Night is a huge success.
Martin: Thanks, Principal Skinner. I got the idea from an episode of "Saved By the Bell."
Principal: Mm, that was always on too late for me.

Homer: I'd like to cash in these chips. Give me most of it in cash and the rest in suitcases to carry the cash.
Martin: Sir, this casino is for charity. These chips are only redeemable in cafeteria scrip or a day at the ballpark with Groundskeeper Willie.
Groundskeeper: I'll be bringin' sparkplugs to chuck at people I don't like, like you!
Homer: But I'm up $200,000!
[grabbing Martin]
Homer: Give me my money! You think I won't manhandle a little boy?
Martin: You don't understand; it's not real money! None of these people have won any money!
[to the shocked people]
Martin: Didn't anyone read the flyer? It was sent home last Tuesday.
[the people begin rioting and overturning the game tables]
Lenny: [pushing a slot machine] Look at me! I'm a big man!
[it falls on top of him]
Lenny: But I break... just like a little girl.

Martin: [reading Lisa's letter] "Dear seekers of truth, meet in the school's single-purpose room tomorrow at lunch. Rationally yours, L.M.S.".
Database: L.M.S. - who could it be?
[looks around the hallway to see Sherri and Terri, Jimbo playing a video game, Ralph waving to them, and Lisa - who wears a bag emblazoned with "LMS" - closing her locker]
Martin: Little Moe Szyslak?
[points to a kid at a drinking fountain, who looks exactly like a shorter version of Moe]
Little: Why does everybody call me that? Bunch a' snot-faced pukebags!

Marge: Is there someone in this bag?
Martin: [Tied up inside bag] It's my own fault. I looked him in the eye as I was giving him my lunch money.
Marge: Someone should talk to your principal.
Principal: [Also tied up inside bag] I'm well aware of the situation.