20 Best Shannon Elizabeth Quotes

Deputy: Mom said that when I wear this badge you're supposed to treat me like a man of the law.
Buffy: Yeah, and Mom also said for you to stop sticking your dick in the vacuum cleaner!

Cindy: [before pushing a dead fisherman in the water] Don't you think we should check his wallet first?
Buffy: For what?
Brenda: Shit, he might have some money.
Brenda: Well, we already committed murder, we might as well rob his ass.

Mitch: What are you doing here? I don't want to fight you - I was just acting tough to get my self-respect back!
Brooke: [Incredulously] By threatening ME?

Michael: When you're not looking, I'm gonna slip the little guy some popcorn.
Brooke: Michael, babies can't eat popcorn; they don't even have teeth!
Michael: Hey, my grandma Bessie doesn't have any teeth, and, believe me, she ain't shy around a bucket of popcorn!

Brooke: She's definitely in her third trimester - I think the baby has dropped.
Michael: [Scrutinizing pregnant woman] No, I think it's still in there..
Brooke: I mean that the baby has moved into the birthing position.
Michael: Wow, you really know stuff!
Brooke: Well, I've read every baby book in the library. By the way, did you ever read that book I gave you by Dr. Spock?
Michael: Nah, I kinda lost interest when I realized it wasn't about Star Trek.

Brooke: I don't make it with guys at concerts! I read two periodicals a week about the Dewey Decimal system, which I'm sure you've never heard of!
Michael: I've heard of Dewey Decimal: it's Donald Duck's nephew!

Kelso: Hi, I'd like an order of books, please.
Brooke: Could you be more specific?
Kelso: Could you be more beautiful?
Brooke: Could you be more lame?
Kelso: Yes.

Buffy: Hey do you think the press is gonna wanna talk to us?
Brenda: Oh please. The press only wanna interview the most ignorant person they find.
Shorty: [Cut to Gail Haistorm interviewing Shorty about Drew Decker's death]
Shorty: I'm on T.V. Oh shit, first "Cops" now this. I'm gonna be a star, son.
Gail: So how close were you to the victim?
Shorty: Oh real close. Right 'til the roofies wore and she woke up. Then she was all talkin' 'bout pressing charges so I just pulled my tongue outta her ass and left.
Gail: If you could have spoken to her before she died what would your last words to her have been?
Shorty: Run bitch, run!

Jackie: [Kelso arrives after his day at the Police Academy] Michael, you got another 'D' on a test? Isn't this your fourth 'D' in a row?
Michael: Yeah. It's just on the Penal Code stuff. "Criminals have the right to an attorney, criminals are innocent until proven guilty". Just crazy liberal gibberish.
Steven: [to Fez] What are you laughin' at?
Fez: He said 'Penal Code'.
Jackie: Fez, it doesn't mean that. It's from the word 'penalty'. 'Penal'.
Steven: [Fez can't control his giggling] You're like a four-year-old. It's a legal term: 'Penal'.
Steven: [now Hyde is laughing, too] It's kinda funny.
Brooke: [Brooke comes in] Hey, guys. Hey, Michael, how'd your Penal Code test go?
Michael: [Hyde and Fez can't control their laughter as Kelso lies to impress Brooke] I did great. I got another 'B'.
Brooke: Oh, that's your fourth 'B' in a row! I'm so proud of you! Can I see it?
Michael: [suddenly on the spot] Uh... uh, you could, but, uh, I didn't write anything down, 'cause the test was, uh, oral.
Steven: [bursting with laughter] Oral test on the Penal Code!

Buffy: Oh, look at me! I'm all dead!

Michael: Okay, Brooke, here's the thing: We should date.
Brooke: Michael, I'm pregnant with your child. Pretty much the best and worst things about dating have already happened to us.

Nadia: So uh, "shaved" is the expression?

[after Kelso tries in vain to convince the others he had sex with Brooke, she comes to the basement]
Brooke: Kelso, we have to talk about doing it at the Molly Hatchet concert.
Michael: Just a second, Brooke.
[to Fez]
Michael: Burn!
[to Eric and Donna]
Michael: Burn!
[to Hyde]
Michael: Burn!
[to Jackie]
Michael: Burn!
[Kelso runs upstairs to the kitchen]
Michael: [to Kitty] Burn!
[to Red]
Michael: Burn!
[Kelso runs back downstairs]
Michael: So, Brooke. What did you want to talk about?
Brooke: I just found out I'm pregnant.
Michael: [defensively] I never touched her!

Buffy: Don't worry, Cindy! We'll pretend this never happened. You know, like the time we got drunk and went down on each other!

Homeless: You got a dollar?
Buffy: Get away from me, you bum.
Cindy: Buffy, can't you see he's hungry? Here you go, sir, a nice sandwich.
Homeless: I said a dollar, bitch.

Michael: We might not be the perfect match, but I really, really like you. And I think maybe us having this baby together is, like, fate.
Brooke: Michael, fate is when two people meet on a train, or in Paris. Not in the bathroom at a Molly Hatchet concert.
[she walks away]
Michael: Fate! Man, never use a word in a fight if you don't really, really know what it means.

Michael: Alright. At first, when you told me that I was off the hook, I was, like, totally psyched, right? But then I started to think about it, and... I don't want to be off the hook. I wanna be a part of this kid's life.
Brooke: Michael, I didn't let you off the hook to be nice. I just don't think you understand what it means to have a baby.
[Brooke stands, collects the leftovers of her meal and walks away. Kelso follows her]
Michael: No, but I do. It... it means taking him to teeball games, and... and teaching him how to ride a bike, and... taking him to the doctor when he's sick.
Brooke: And what if it's a girl?
Michael: Oh, it's not gonna be a girl. We did it standing up.
[Donna facepalms]
Brooke: [nods] Uh-huh.

Buffy: Oh my god, we hit a boot!
Greg: Where's the foot?

Jackie: So, hey. Maybe a good way to break the ice would be for everyone to tell a few things about themselves. I'll go first. I like make-up and diets, and Steven, here, likes black things and throwing stuff at glass.
Brooke: Okay. Well, I was valedictorian in my class, I run marathons, and I tutor kids in Latin.
Michael: Well, I egged the valedictorian of my class. And a marathon runner. Oh, and some kids that took Latin!
Steven: This is fun.

Beauty: [singing] Here she is. Miss Teen, she's so fine. Such lovely tits...
[Buffy rips the crown and flowers out of the previous winner's hands]
Buffy: Give me my crown, bitch.
Beauty: [singing] ... and a great behind. There she is, doggy style anytime. And I'll do her behind behind and behind. Oh, there she is. She loves 69...
[a woman hurls a vase of flowers at Buffy, knocking her offstage]