The Best Sheryl Luria Quotes

Sheryl: You either make 'em your bitch, or they make you theirs.

Trisha: [Leland and Sheryl choose a cake for their wedding] Just say which one tastes the best.
Leland: [his phone buzzes] Oh, I have to get this.
Sheryl: Which one, Lee?
Leland: Oh, I don't care. That one.
Trisha: [wincing] Buttercream? It might not hold up in summer weather.
Leland: Then why in the hell did you make buttercream an option?

Sheryl: Are you okay, babe? Is this taking too long?
Leland: No, I'm good. I just have one suggestion.
Sheryl: What, the chocolate cake?
Leland: The wedding. We're done.
Sheryl: Okay. I can handle this. Go home.
Leland: No, no. *We're* done. We're not getting married. I've been using you to get to your daughter to hurt her. Well, now she's hurt, so I don't need you. You should cry now. I think that'd be appropriate, because I want you to know that I've hated every second of this; every DJ we listened to, every place setting, every invitation. Well, now that's over. And I want you to take your dried-up little ovaries and drag them back under the rock you came from.