Top 50 Quotes From The Return of the Living Dead

Freddy: Frank?
Frank: Yeah, kid?
Freddy: What's the weirdest thing you ever saw in here?
Frank: Oh, kid, I have seen weird things come and I have seen weird things go. But the weirdest thing I ever saw just had to cap it all.
Freddy: Oh, yeah? What's that?
Frank: Let me ask you a question, kid. Did you see that movie, "Night of the Living Dead"?
Freddy: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's the one where the corpses start eating the people, right? Sure. Wh-what about it?
Frank: Did you know that movie was based on a true case?
Freddy: Come on, you're shitting me, right?
Frank: [raises right hand] I've never been more serious in my life.
Freddy: That's not possible. I mean, they showed zombies taking over the world.
Frank: They changed it all around. What really happened was back in 1969, in Pittsburgh, at the V.A. hospital, there was a chemical spill and all that stuff kinda leaked down into the morgue and it made all the dead bodies kinda jump around as though it was alive.
Freddy: What chemical?
Frank: 2-4-5 Trioxin, it's called. It was to kinda spray on marijuana or something. And the Darrow Chemical Company was trying to develop it for the Army. And they told the guy who made the movie that if he told the true story, they'd just sue his ass off. So he changed all the facts around.
Freddy: So what really happened?
Frank: Well, they closed it all down, see, and the Army shipped all that contaminated dirt and all those dead bodies out. And they kept it a secret.
Freddy: So how come you know about it?
Frank: A typical Army fuck up. The Transportation Department got the orders crossed, and they shipped those bodies here instead of to the Darrow Chemical Company.

Freddy: I can finally see, the one thing... the one thing that will relieve this horrible suffering.
Tina: What, Freddy?
Freddy: A live... BRAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIN!

Paramedic: You have no pulse, your blood pressure's zero-over-zero, you have no pupillary response, no reflexes and your temperature is 70 degrees.
Freddy: Well, what does that mean?
Paramedic: Well, it's a puzzle because, technically, you're not alive. Except you're conscious, so we don't know what it means.
Freddy: Are you saying we're dead?
Paramedic: Well, let's not jump to conclusions.
Freddy: Are you saying we're dead?
Paramedic: No conclusions.
Paramedic: Obviously I didn't mean you were really dead. Dead people don't move around and talk.

Burt: If that is a re-animated body, we're gonna have to kill it.
Freddy: How do you kill something that's already dead?
Burt: How do I know, Fred? Let me think!
Frank: It's not a bad question, Burt.

Spider: Coward!
Burt: Fuck you!

Zombie: Send more cops!

Tina: Mister, they're out there and there's more of them in that warehouse on the other side of the graveyard.
Burt: Which warehouse?
Tina: The medical supply...
Burt: Oh Shit! Shit! God damn!
Ernie: I think things are getting out of hand.
Tina: Mister, there's a hundred of those things out there.
Burt: A hundred?

Ernie: What is that? What is that?
Spider: It's dead people screamin'!

Col. Horace Glover: [on a secure military line] Sir, this is Colonel Glover. I'm sorry to disturb you at this hour, sir, but we're at Q-2 status. It looks like we've found that lost consignment of Easter eggs. Yes, sir, pretty sure. They've turned up in Louisville. I'm getting confirmations on this from the Louisville Police Department. Louisville, Kentucky, sir.
[pause]
Col. Horace Glover: Well, sir, it would be good news, except that the eggs have hatched.

Zombie: Send... more... paramedics.

Frank: Watch your tongue, boy, if you like this job!
Freddy: Like this job?

Burt: You did what? You opened it? You stupid moron! You idiot! What's the matter with you Frank? Haven't I already told you never to even go near those goddamn tanks?
Frank: What are we gonna do, Burt?
Burt: I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to be sued by the Darrow Chemical Company. I might even be investigated by the government. I might become very famous. I might even lose my business. I might even go to jail, goddamn it! That's what I'm going to do!

Spider: [after gang pulls up to warehouse] Man, what a hideous, ugly place!
Trash: I like it! It's a statement.

Freddy: What do doctors use to crack skulls with?
Frank: [miming a screwing motion] Surgical drills!

Burt: What about the bones Ernie?
Ernie: Bones are no problem. Hardest thing to burn is the heart.
Burt: A heart, why?
Ernie: 'cause it's just one big tough muscle.
Burt: Yeah, but Ernie, I mean, c'mon, we don't want the heart sticking around!
Ernie: Then I'll turn it up hotter for the heart.

Freddy: [to Tina] Tina, it was wrong of you to lock me up. I had to hurt myself to get out. But I forgive you darlin' and I know you're here, because I can smell your brains.
Freddy: [Tina is crying and screaming] Go away!
Freddy: I'm coming up, Tina!

Col. Horace Glover: [on the telephone] Yes? Yes, Captain. I see. Very well. Put the call through to me. Yes, yes, put him on.
[pause]
Col. Horace Glover: Mister Wilson, where are you calling from?
[pause]
Col. Horace Glover: I see. When did this take place? And when was the tank first breached?
[pause]
Col. Horace Glover: Why didn't you call this number immediately?
[pause]
Col. Horace Glover: I see. It's understandable. What happened next?
[pause]
Col. Horace Glover: Oh, you did? And what effect did that have?
[pause]
Col. Horace Glover: I see. So what did you do then?
[pause]
Col. Horace Glover: And what did they do?
[pause]
Col. Horace Glover: I see. Really? How many did you say? And how many acres does this cemetery cover, sir?
[pause]
Col. Horace Glover: Yes. I see. Yes, I see. Of course.
[pause]
Col. Horace Glover: Thank you for your assistance, Mister Wilson. I'm going to switch you back to Captain Turner. He'll talk to you.

Tarman: [Spotting the other survivors] More BRAINS!

Eye: Burt is a slave driver and a cheap son of a bitch!

Frank: The army came in and closed it all off.
Freddy: So how come you know about it?
Frank: A typical army fuck up, the transportation department got the orders crossed. They sent those bodies here!

Casey: Chuck, I never did like you. Oh, but God, hold me tight.

Ernie: Freeze or you're dead!
Spider: Don't shoot, man!
Ernie: Are you crazy? Are you on PCP?
Spider: Nobody's on any drugs, man! Just let us in!

Ernie: You can hear me?
1/2 Woman Corpse: Yes.
Ernie: Why do you eat people?
1/2 Woman Corpse: Not people. Brains.
Ernie: Brains only?
1/2 Woman Corpse: Yes.
Ernie: Why?
1/2 Woman Corpse: The PAIN!
Ernie: What about the pain?
1/2 Woman Corpse: The pain of being DEAD!
Ernie: [laughing in surprise to his friends] It hurts... to be dead.
1/2 Woman Corpse: I can feel myself rot.
Ernie: Eating brains... How does that make you feel?
1/2 Woman Corpse: It makes the pain, go away!

Spider: What do you want to do, Scuz, turn over gravestones?
Scuz: No, I just want to look around the graveyard - I never seen one before.
Spider: Haven't you ever been to a funeral?
Scuz: I never knew anyone that died.

Suicide: How come you guys only come around when you need a ride someplace?
Spider: 'Cause you're one spooky motherfucker, man.

Frank: International treaty, all skeletons come from India.
Freddy: No kidding, how come?
Frank: How the hell do I know how come? The important question is, where do they get all the skeletons with perfect teeth?

Suicide: You think this is a fuckin' costume? This is a way of life.

Suicide: What's wrong with you? Show some respect for the dead!

Tina: What did you do to Freddy? What's wrong with him? Ask this man.
Spider: You know, I think it's time you tell us what the fuck's going on!
Burt: I don't have to tell you anything, dick brain.

Trash: I like death.
Chuck: I like death with sex. How about you, Casey? You like sex with death?
Casey: Yeah, so fuck off and die.

Spider: I ain't in no mood to die tonight.

Burt: I thought you said if we destroyed the brain, it'd die!
Frank: It worked in the movie!
Burt: Well, it ain't working now, Frank!
Freddy: You mean the movie lied?

[Burt is on the phone to the police squad captain]
Burt: Listen, there's a bunch of people from the cemetery who are stark, staring, mad, and they'll kill you and eat you if they catch you. It's like a disease. It's like rabies, only faster, a lot faster. That's why you've got to come and get us out of here now... right now!

Spider: What're they doin', man?
Burt: [over the telephone to the Military Intelligence] Hang on a second, will ya?
[to Spider]
Burt: It's weird. These people seem to say they've been waiting for this to happen. Apparently, they've got some sort of contingency plan to deal with it.
Casey: That's great!
Spider: [suspiciously] What is this plan?

Frank: Let me ask you a question, kid: did you ever see that movie, "Night of the Living Dead"?
Freddy: Yeah, yeah, yeah - that's the one where the corpses start eating the people, right? What about it?
Frank: Did you know that story was based on a true case?
Freddy: [chuckles] Aw, c'mon, you're shitting me, right?
Frank: I ain't never been more serious in my life.

Burt: Put that gun away, Ernie! Before you shoot somebody!

Freddy: [to Tina] Gee... And now you made me hurt myself again! You made me break my hand completely off this time Tina! But I don't care Darlin', because I love you, and you've got to let me EAT YOUR BRAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIINS! WHERE ARE YOU!

Ethel: Hello, dear. How was your day?
Col. Horace Glover: The usual. Crap.
Ethel: Oh, I'm sorry.
Col. Horace Glover: What's for dinner?
Ethel: Your favourite: lamb chops!
Col. Horace Glover: I had them for lunch.

Freddy: Stupid asshole!

Tarman: BRAINS! Live brains!

Ernie: What the hell are in those bags?
Burt: Uh... rabid weasels.
Ernie: What? What the hell are you doing with a bunch of rabid weasels?
Burt: That's what I was trying to explain to you here, Ernie. They came in as part of a shipment. Of course, they weren't supposed to be rabid.

[referring to Suicide]
Casey: Well, look who it is! Your friend and mine.
Suicide: Hey, fuck you, ballbuster!

[Frank shows Freddy a military drum with a dead zombie inside]
Freddy: Oh shit, look at that! You say that thing was alive?
Frank: So they say.
Freddy: Oh god. Hey, these things don't leak, do they?
Frank: Leak? Hell no. These things were made by the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers.
[Frank slaps the drum and gas starts leaking]
Frank: Oh fuck!

Trash: Do you ever wonder about all the different ways of dying? You know, violently? And wonder, like, what would be the most horrible way to die?
Spider: I try not too think about dying too much.
Trash: Mm. Well for me, the worst way would be for a bunch of old men to get around me, and start biting and eating me alive.
Spider: I see.
Trash: First, they would tear off my clothes...
Chuck: Hey, somebody get some light over here, Trash is taking off her clothes again.

Burt: [as a missile heads towards Louisville] Hey, listen! You hear something?
Freddy: [cuts to Freddy breaking through the hatch to Tina and Ernie] Tinaaaaaaaaa!

Tina: Why don't we go to the park?
Scuz: Oh we can't, the cops said they'd shoot us if we go back to the park.
Spider: Yeah, and I ain't in no mood to die tonight.
Trash: I like death.
Chuck: I like death with sex. Casey, do you like sex with death?
Casey: Yeah so fuck off and die.

Casey: Hey, is that Freddy?
Chuck: Where?
Casey: Over there, going into that building.
Chuck: No. That is NOT Freddy.
Casey: How would you know?
Chuck: Because, why would Freddy be going into a mortuary?

Frank: Some big favor. I can operate that goddamn thing.

Burt: One question, Frank: this guy screaming in here... you're sure he's a dead cadaver?
Frank: Why don't you open the door and find out!
Burt: [hesitates] Uh... no, that's allright Frank, I'll take your word for that.

Spider: [to Burt] Come on, you stupid honky!