The Best Unterleutnant Axel Stigler Quotes

Unterleutnant: [enthusiastic] I've got a new one. So... Honecker comes into his office in the morning... opens the window, looks at the sun, and says...
Unterleutnant: [starts to worry] ... eh... what is it?
Unterleutnant: [startled] Oh, excuse me. That was... I'm just... I...
Oberstleutnant: [tries to put Stigler at ease] No no no, please colleague. We can still laugh about our state officials. Don't worry.
Oberstleutnant: [almost laughing] I probably know it already anyway.
Oberstleutnant: [encouraging] Come on! Tell it.
Unterleutnant: [feeling more comfortable] Well... Honecker, I mean... the General Secretary... sees the sun, and says, 'Good morning dear sun!'
Oberstleutnant: [with high pitch mocking voice] 'Good morning dear sun!'
Unterleutnant: ...and the sun answered, 'Good morning dear Erich!' At afternoon Erich sees the sun again and says, 'Good day dear sun' And the sun says: 'Good day dear Erich!' After work Honecker goes back to the window and says, 'Good evening dear sun!' But the sun doesn't answer! So he says again, 'Good evening dear sun, what's wrong?' And the sun answered and said, 'Oh, kiss my ass, I'm in the West now!'
[laughing]
Oberstleutnant: Name?
[becoming deadly serious]
Oberstleutnant: Rank? Department?
Unterleutnant: [frightened] Me? Stigler, 2nd Lieutenant Alex Stigler. Department M.
Oberstleutnant: [almost sighing] Don't need to tell you what this means for your career, what you just did.
Unterleutnant: [scared, slightly angry] Please Lieutenant Colonel... I just...
Oberstleutnant: [angry] You just mocked our party! That was political agitation! Surely just the tip of the iceberg! I am going to report this to the minister's office.
Oberstleutnant: [starts laughing] Hahahaha! I was just kidding! Pretty good, huh? Yours was good too. But I've got a better one. What is the difference between Erich Honecker and a telephone?
[pauses]
Oberstleutnant: Nothing! Hang up... try again. Hahaha!