20 Best Will Jeffries Quotes

Will: Bury a witness report. What kind of cop does that?
Deputy: He's my son. I was trying to protect him.

Will: [seeing Nick's medical sheet] . Oh. Told me he passed his physical.
Kat: Dude's a time bomb.
Will: [seeing Nick's shattered wedding photo] It's worse than I thought.
Kat: What was her name again?
Will: Julie. Split up years ago.
Kat: Booze and pills definitely do not mix with photos of the ex.

Natalie: Like I said, I don't have a mother. She jumped ship way back.
Will: We found her this morning, at the bottom of fairmount lake.
Kat: She's been shot, Natalie.

Will: On successfully figuring out Vera's ATM card pin: "First try, sucker. Knew it had to be either Flyers or boobies."

Will: [talking about the day President Kennedy was assassinated] I was playing touch football at recess.
Scotty: Recess? I thought you were, like, forty-five when that happened.
Lilly: No, you're thinking of when Lincoln was shot.
Will: Keep it up. See what happens.

Nick: Saying that maybe I'm not 100% totally washed up in the dating world.
Will: Cause a crack ho called you?
Nick: Why you have to say it like that?

Nick: What's wrong with my car?
Will: Nothing if you like being single.

Will: Who's Fanny?
Lilly: One of the factory girls.
Nick: Do you think she shot her husband?
Lilly: We better find out...
Will: I'm going with you. I'd LOVE to meet an 80-year-old who shot a guy...

[while playing 'no drugs today']
Junkie: We gotta make a livin' same as you!
Will: That's what I'm countin' on.

Lilly: So you think this Joe character killed Rainey, because... he was a loser?
Will: [Becca nods affirmatively] You got to do better than that, Becca.
Becca: A few months after Rainey died, Joe was expelled from school.
Lilly: For what?
Becca: For making drugs in the chemlab.
Will: Drugs? What kind?
Becca: Rumor was... Liquid-X.

Will: [referring to the derby lot's mass horse grave] I understand you buried a few of your horses.
Randall: Well, sometimes horses need to be put down.
Nick: [Accusingly] And how about jockeys?

Will: [about taxi dancing] Men would pay the amount the dance would last; like a taxi ride.
Kat: Yeah, the G-rated version of a lap dance.

Arthur: I quit Valentine's the week before. Got tired of cleaning up after white folk. Getting treated like dirt.
Will: Bingo treat you that way too?
Arthur: He treated me with respect. Kid was way ahead of his time in more ways than one.

Lilly: Somewhere girls could communicate in private... a bathroom stall?
Will: [chuckles] Old-school chatroom, for men AND women.

Will: Think of anything else...
Stan: I'm thinking only one thing. Find the son of a bitch who did this.

Will: Can you think about anyone who would want to hurt your daughter?
Archie: I got to admit, Sam didn't have a lot of friends.

Will: Early 50s, white kid singing black music... reminds me of Elvis.
John: I hate to admit it. I broke up with my junior high sweetheart because she joined the Elvis fan club.
Will: No.
John: Trini Rene. Back in the late 50s, the girls were either Elvis girls...
Will: Or Pat Boone girls, I remember.
John: I told Trini my family wouldn't approve of me going out with an Elvis girl.
[both chuckles]
John: I guess I was a square.
Will: No, man, you were a CUBE.
[more chuckling]

Stan: After my wife cleaned me out I thought of little else but killing Lauren... but drowning was never an option, too humane.
Will: [creeped out] ... Really...
Stan: My fantasy was to bury her alive, scarabs feasting on her intestines!
[Scotty and Will both exchange disturbed glances]

Nick: [Will and Nick arrive at a prostitute nest where a possible witness to the case might be] My snitch swears he saw Bigfoot here a couple hours ago.
Will: [grudgingly] Snitch is a money-grubbin' pain-in-the-ass...
Nick: YO! You see a six-foot-five homeless guy here, mamma-citas?
[the prostitutes give the detectives a wary look]
Nick: Why, I could just take you in for loitering!
Will: Been to every shelter and soup kitchen in the city. You're not gonna find him.
Nick: [nonchalant] Well, I guess it's time to shut down Hooker-Mart.
[Nick sits on top of the metal garbage can where the prostitutes go to the bathroom]
Nick: No peeing or play, 'till you give me Sasquatch, ladies!
Will: Ha-ha-ha! It's a fool there! They're not gonna talk to you!
Nick: [takes a dollar bill from his pocket] You fly...
[gives the bill to Will]
Nick: ... I'll buy! Gimmee a couple cold ones!
Hooker: [a prostitute with red hair snatches the bill before Will can grab it] You wanna find someone?... All you had to do was ask the right way... big boy...

Will: [entering Nick's apartment] Key still works.
Kat: [seeing the clutter] Whoa. Clearly, the maid don't.
Will: God, just when you think you know the guy.
Kat: Oscar needs a Felix.