The Best Alexander Kessel Quotes

Alexander: My fellow Americans, I am Alexander Kessel, son of trust fund billionaire, Alexander Kessel Senior, who you may also know is the current utterly unqualified US ambassador to the United Nations. Now, my associates in Russia control 16 nuclear missiles, and I control the only interceptor missiles that are capable of stopping them. Sixteen American cities have been targeted. 300 million of you will die. One city will be destroyed first so that the rest of you can watch in horror. Missile team one... fire.
[computer voice]
Alexander: Missile launch detected. Missile launch detected. Missile launch detected. Intercept launch expires in 12 minutes.
[Alexander Kessel]
Alexander: Now in 12 minutes, that missile I just launched, will pass over my head, at which point, it will be too late for this interceptor to catch it. But which city has been chosen? Is it yours? Wherever it lands, there's no time to run. You can't flee. If you guessed Los Angeles, congratulations. The City of Angels has 23 minutes left to live.
[panicked chatter]
Alexander: Wait a second. Once Los Angeles is gone, And the fear of every American is at its peak... We're not closing yet... .I will launch a second wave of 15 nuclear missiles. San Francisco, Seattle, Las Vegas, Cincinnati, Dallas, Denver, Memphis, Chicago, St. Louis, Atlanta, Boston, Philadelphia, Miami, New York. And of course, Washington DC. Today... America dies in a paroxysm of fear. America is the greatest lie ever told. American exceptionalism? Maybe once. When the founders got rid of kings. When they declared that all men are created equal. Now they say ours are United States, but when was that true? Was it true during the Civil War? Or Jim Crow? Hell, is it true now? You know, this national lie, it's a festering wound, and it's fatal. There's no Band-Aid to patch it. No, the only way to save our nation and the promise it once held is to erase it. Start over. So maybe then, when we are staring at each other from across the rubble, we will all agree that this time we're going to get America right.

Alexander: Whether or not you and I are enemies is completely up to you.
JJ: What's your name?
Alexander: My name is Alexander Kessel.
JJ: You say that like I should know it.
Alexander: And now that you do, you will never forget it.
JJ: How about I just call you asshole?
Alexander: [chuckles] You know, usually it takes a woman a second to reach that conclusion.
JJ: Nothing usual about me.

Alexander: Do you know anything about the fall of Rome? When the barbarians massed outside the city gates they did unspeakable things to try and force the Romans to let them in. Exitus actum probat. The result justifies the deed.

Alexander: I'm not complaining. I was the product of a failed society. A society that consistently rewards money and ignores everything else.