The Best Andy Dick Quotes

Ma: [hearing the eggbaby crying] What's that?
Carl: It's a baby. Sort of. I can't make it stop.
Slim: Here, give it to me. I can figure it out.
Ma: [they try to make it stop] Here. Give it to Mama. Kind of reminds me of when you two were little.
[giving it back]
Ma: Get rid of it.
Carl: [going to a window] You sure? It's kind of cute.
Ma: Toss it!
Carl: But, Ma, maybe we could sell it.
Ma: Carl, I'm getting angry.
Carl: Okay, okay. Sorry, kid.
[he drops it; Batman swoops down to save it and, on his way up, sticks out his tongue]

[Scolex contemplates on a nickname]
Scolex: Too bad Hook is taken, eh?
Sikes: How 'bout Captain Claw?
Kramer: Or Santa Claw?
Scolex: Just Claw, one word... like Madonna.

Ma: Well, boys, we did it. Got the whole set.
Slim: Oh, yeah, we did it, all right, but while we were wasting time with this, we could've stolen stuff worth ten times as much.
Ma: [grabbing him] Nothing could be worth more than these jewels. You hear me? Nothing! This is the first swag your father and I ever stole together. We swore we'd never fence it. It's all I have left of him now that he's... gone.
Carl: But, Ma, dad's not dead. He just ran off with...
[getting slapped]
Carl: Hey!
Ma: Don't ever talk that way about your father.

Ma: Ha. The tramp. Get it off her.
[Slim studies the case]
Ma: Carl.
Slim: [Carl smashes it] There could have been an alarm.
Ma: There wasn't. Now, let's get out of here before pointy ears shows his mug again.
Batman: Too late.

Barry,: The secret to a good BJ is focus. I don't care if we're talking about your husband of 10 years or just some hot sailor you met at TJI Fridays a couple of months ago who never did call me back but did leave me with a little something called herpes... which I then gave to the dog. But that's neither here nor there. Grab your vegetables!

Scolex: [on his claw] This is sort of post-modern Captain Hook kind of feel it. Very "diabolical." I deserve a dashing appellation.
Kramer: A dashing appellation. What is that? A hillbilly with a tuxedo?

Andy: I'm blue collar. I'm totally blue collar. My father owns a shovel.

Rubin: This is sort of an unusual question, but do you have any marijuana I might be able to buy from you? Our car exploded last night and I'm practically all out of my own.
Motel: Am I a drug dealer? No, I am not. Thank you for asking, though.
Rubin: No? OK. That's OK. Thanks.
Motel: Is there anything else I can help you with? Perhaps you'd like an 11-year old prostitute sent to your room. We can do that. Or maybe we can off someone for you. Huh? How's that sound? I've got it. Why don't we start small? Would you like a fresh towel? Maybe you could roll that up and smoke it.
Rubin: [sotto, walking away] Dick.
Motel: By the way, Cheech, that credit card you guys gave me last night was maxed out, so don't go spending all your cash on needles and guns just yet.