The Best Biff Tannen Quotes

Biff: That's about as funny as a screen door on a battleship.
Marty: [under his breath] It's "screen door on a submarine," you dork.

Old: You always did have a way with women.
Young: Get the hell out of my car, old man!
Old: You wanna marry that girl, Biff? I can help make it happen.
Young: Oh-oh, yeah, who are you, Miss Lonelyhearts?
Old: Just get in the car, Butthead.
Young: Who you callin' "butthead", Butthead?
[Old Biff starts the car]
Young: How do you know how to do that? Nobody can start this car but me.
Old: Just get in the car, Tannen. Today's your lucky day.

Lorraine: Dammit Biff, that's it. I'm leaving!
Biff: Oh, so go ahead. But think about this Lorraine, who's gonna pay for all your clothes, huh? And your jewelry, and your liquor? Who's gonna pay for your cosmetic surgery Lorraine?
Lorraine: You were the one who wanted me to get these-these things! If you want 'em back, you can have em.
Biff: Look, Lorraine, you walk out that door and I won't only cut off you, I'll cut off your kids.
Lorraine: You wouldn't!
Biff: Oh, wouldn't I? First, your daughter Linda, I'll cancel all her credit cards. She can settle her debts with the bank all by herself. Your idiot son Dave? I'll get his probation revoked. And as for Marty, well maybe you'd like to have all three of your kids behind bars just like your brother Joey. One big happy jailbird family.
Lorraine: Alright Biff, you win. I'll stay.
Biff: [to Marty] As for you, I'll be back up here in an hour, so you better not be!

[after Marty pushes Griff]
Griff: Well! Since when did you become the physical type?

S. S. Strickland: Is that liquor I smell Tannen?
Young: Ahhh, I wouldn't know. I don't know what liquor smells like, cuz I'm too young to drink it.

Marty: The answer's no, Griff.
Griff: No?
Marty: Yeah, what are you deaf and stupid? I said "NO!"
Griff: What's wrong, McFly. Chicken?

Grandma: Biff, Biff, where are you goin' now?
Biff: I told you, grandma, I'm goin' to the dance.
Grandma: When you comin' home?
Biff: I'll get home, when I get home.
Grandma: Don't forget to turn off the garage lights!

Marty: Are you two related?
Biff: [knocking on Marty's head] Hello? Hello? Anybody home? What do you think? Griff just called me Grandpa for his health?

Lorraine: Biff, somebody already asked me to the dance.
Biff: Who? That bug George McFly?
Lorraine: I'm going with Calvin Klein, okay?
Biff: Calvin Klein? No, it's not okay!

Young: Why don't you make like a tree and get out of here?
Old: It's *leave*, you idiot! "Make like a tree, and leave." You sound like a damn fool when you say it wrong.
Young: All right then, LEAVE! And take your book with you!

[Biff has chased Marty to the roof of his casino/hotel]
Biff: Go ahead, kid! Jump! A suicide will be nice and neat.
Marty: What if I don't?
[Biff points gun at Marty]
Biff: Lead poisoning.

Young: Manure! I hate manure!

Marty: What about the police, Biff? They're gonna match up the bullet with that gun.
Biff: Kid, I own the police! Besides, they couldn't match up the bullet that killed your old man.
Marty: You son of a...
[Biff cocks the gun]
Biff: I suppose it's poetic justice - two McFlys with the same gun.

Biff: Where's that punk
- Calvin klein, anyway?
- Boy: How am I supposed to know, biff?
- I ain't his secretary.
- Well, go find him.
- He caused 300 bucks damage to my car, and I owe him a knuckle sandwich.
- Get going!
- Drink up, biff.
- Yeah, thanks.
- Ain't you coming?
- I'm reading.

Biff: Hold on one second. Let's get this straight. Marty is *your* kid, not mine. And all the money in the world wouldn't do jack shit for that lazy bum!
Lorraine: Stop it, Biff, just stop it!
Biff: Look at him. He's a butthead just like his old man was.
Lorraine: Don't you dare speak that way about George! You're not even half the man he was.
[Biff throws her on the floor]

[Marty enters his house and sees Biff harrassing George]
Biff: I can't believe you'd loan me your car without telling me it had a blind spot. I could've been killed!
George: Blind spot? Now, now, Biff, now I never noticed that the car had any blind spot before when I would drive it. Hi, Son.
Biff: What, are you blind, McFly? It's there. How else do you explain that wreck out there?
George: Biff, can I- Can I assume that your, uh, insurance is gonna pay for the damage?
Biff: My insurance? It's your car. Your insurance should pay for it. I wanna know who's gonna pay for this?
[shows his shirt]
Biff: I spilled beer all over it when the car smashed into me. Who's gonna pay my cleaning bill?

[Biff has just received his auto repair bill after crashing it into a manure truck]
Biff: 300 bucks? 300 bucks for a couple of dents? Now, hey, that's bullshit, Terry.
Terry: No, Biff, it was *horseshit*! The whole car was full of it. I had to pay old man Jones 80 bucks to haul it away!
Biff: Old Man Jones! Probably re-sold it too. Now, I oughtta get something for *that*!
Terry: You want to get something for it! We'll go inside, you can call Old Man Jones! If he wants to give you a refund, that's fine!

- Doc, wait a minute. Doc. Hey, doc. Doc.
- Perfect.
- I told you, grandma. I'm going to the dance.
- Woman: When you coming home?
- The dance.
Biff: I'll get home when I get home.
- Don't forget to turn off the garage light.

Biff: Since you're new here, I-I'm gonna cut you a break, today. So, why don't you make like a tree and get outta here?

Biff: I'm going to ram him.
- All: Shit!

Biff: Hey kid, say hello to your grandma for me.